My Love- Hate Relationship with writing
Writing is a way to express beautiful thoughts through paper; there have been people who are horrible conversationalists but with a pen and paper create a story that has more meaning than any words that left my mouth. Then there’s me. I’m going to just come out and say it I hate writing I absolutely positively hate it. If I had to choose between writing and getting a tooth pulled let’s just say that I would be missing a lot of teeth. The reasons I hate writing are numerous. I can’t just single out one of them and say “This is why I hate writing!” then go on some dramatic rant of an experience I had years ago that led me to hating writing today. There are many things that contribute to this hatred, one being that I absolutely hate explaining myself. I always have since I was a child. Simple questions like “What did you learn in school today?” annoyed the crap out of me, made me feel like I was being interrogated. I love hearing things in detail but having to put things in detail for someone else is a long annoying process to me, which sucks because so much of writing is detail. Right now I’m kind of stuck between majors and I’m realizing that I’m needing writing more and more, there is absolutely no way for me to run from it anymore so I might as well embrace it. By the end of this semester I will choose whether or not I’ll continue being a law major or go with my first choice and study archeology, which has been a dream of mine since I was in fifth grade. Either way writing is going to play a big part in both fields, especially since I want to get my doctorate. I need writing classes because I want to show people how intelligent I am on paper and in person. When I publish a book I want my readers to feel like they were at the dig with me or actually they’re watching me in court. Another reason writing has caused me so much anxiety over the years is because to be frank; I have nothing beautiful to say. Okay I know that sounds weird but writers have a way to make every day boring things sound magical like “Her eyes were an ocean blue, I felt like I could drown in the color of her eyes.” See, my example wasn’t even good. I simply can’t do it. Why? I don’t know maybe I’m not in touch with my feminine side enough to make someone’s eyes seem magical or make a night sky seem like anything other than sky. My words doesn’t even have an ounce of beauty in them, I’m no poet by any means; if anything I have the speaking patterns of a drunk at a bar. I want to be able to paint an image for my readers, have them feel what I feel. Yes I’m aware that I have a long way to go before I get there but I’m willing to try.
The third reason writing has been my archenemy over the years would be my grammar. I never cared for how to use proper grammar partly because punctuation never interests me and partly because even when I tried to learn good grammar it always turns out wrong. Though if I could go back in time I would actually take the time to learn proper grammar and punctuation or ask the teacher for extra help; because right now I realize that there are probably so many grammatical errors in this essay that make me seem like an idiot. There are times that I have no clue when to use a period, comma, or a semi-colon; writing to me is pretty much a guessing game ninety percent of the time for me. Yes, I’ve gotten a little better but my fear of some grammar Nazi getting ahold of my paper and making fun of me has caused me to avoid even attempting to write a paper without being forced since I was younger.
What most people don’t realize about me is that if I could become a decent writer I would never stop. I love talking and writing a paper is just me talking nonstop without some getting annoyed and telling me to shut up. If I was good writer no one would ever see me again because I would be constantly in my house typing something online. I’m already obsessed with blogging websites. Improving my writing skills would just take my obsession to a whole new level. I would become one of those people who have thousands of followers because I’m constantly on the computer blogging something new. Yes I do realize this sounds crazy but I’m telling you it would happen I would only leave my room to go to work, school and to find something to eat. Now I’m not saying this is right and absolutely no one should live like that but it’s something very likely to happen to me. I admire my favorite authors who are amazing at imagery and putting things into details, their talent to make me feel like I’m actually in the place they created is amazing and I wish I even had a speck of their talent. Plus the way someone writes tells so much about how intelligent someone is. My hope that maybe this class can help me with my irrational fears when it comes to writing, maybe if I apply myself in this class I’ll realize that all the years I’ve been avoiding writing was insane and foolish. Who knows really, but I’m willing to try which is something I haven’t done before. So yes I’m not the best when it comes to being detailed or making things sound beautiful and my grammar is horrendous but I have a whole semester to try and make up for twenty years of writing failure. Because despite whatever feelings I have about writing it’s an absolute fact that I can no longer run away from it if I ever want to be the best lawyer/ archaeologist I can be and writing is going to play a big part in my future.