Cool Joe: A Short Story

There once was a man who lived next to a steep cliff. This man, named James, had an alpaca named Cool Joe. One day, Cool Joe decided to try and jump across the cliff. Cool Joe is not very smart.

Cool Joe failed miserably and fell to the bottom of the cliff, almost 30 feet! Cool Joe is now injured and sad because he is no longer as rad as James. James hears Cool Joe’s screams of agony and looks off the edge of the cliff. James sees Cool Joe’s sunglasses and hat lying on the ground. James has a panic attack, and tries to call 911.

He failed miserably and ended up calling himself, because he rolled a one. Then, as he was screaming in anger because of his horrid rolling skills, he trips on a rock and starts falling off the cliff. He is falling,
“Do not move, because you must wait for me to get you help. I will race down the Demon’s Tongue to make your rad shirt rad again.” James screams in despair, “I almost got myself killed on that slope, and you haven’t made it to Super Cool yet!” Cool Joe replied, “I have been Cool Joe for far too long. Now, it is my
He got to the track, and became so scared his socks blew clean off his legs. He found the sock vender and said, “I am going to race the Demon’s Tongue and my socks have blown off my legs.” The sock vender replied, “I am the sock vender and you will come to fear my marketing powers!” Cool Joe then proceeded to have a roast off against the vender. “I can’t believe the eighties haven’t come back for that hairdo!” said Cool Joe. “Yeah, well alpacas are the most confusing animal to come to this earth! Is it a llama or a camel?!”

Cool Joe is now sad because he thinks he cannot come up with any more roasts against the vender. “Use the Coarse,” he hears faintly in the back of his mind. He then feels a rad golden chain forming around his neck with a big C on it. He summons all the Cool Force he has left and says, “Well at least I don’t have a job selling socks!” The sock vender is out of ideas and says…

“Okay buddy, you win. You’re officially rad now.” Cool Joe is surprised. “Rad? But I thought the only way to become rad is to go down the Devil’s Tongue.” The sock vender replied, “You see, young lassie, you just faced the Devil’s Tongue.” Cool Joe thanks the sock vender for his new title as “Rad Joe”.

As Rad Joe comes around the bend to return to James, he finds that James didn’t listen to him and broke his femur, collarbone, and other humerus. Rad Joe now gives James his now-fixed rad shirt. James then fixes his phone