Essay Guideline
UNIT 2
BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE
2. The Communication Process
The ability to communicate effectively is an important skill to develop, especially, when you are asked to speak or write to another organisation or to colleagues within your organisation. How well you inform, influence, and persuade others determines the progress you make in your career and the quality of your personal relationships.
Communication is the process of sending and receiving messages. Effective communication occurs when individuals achieve a shared understanding of the message, and the appropriate action is taken.
2.1 Challenges in Business Communication
Figure 2.1: Language Skills used in Business Correspondence
Adapted from Bovee, C. L. and Thill, J. V. (1999) Business Communication Today.
People in business tend to, however, focus more time in obtaining information than transmitting it. To do their job effectively, they need to have good reading and listening skills besides good speaking and writing skills. Unfortunately, most of us are not very good listeners. How many of you will remember today’s lecture? What about a few days later? The problem with business communication is often that the material may be complex and controversial. Both the sender and the receiver of the message are working under the constraints of time and work commitments. Furthermore, opportunities for feedback are often limited, making it difficult to correct misunderstanding.
Successful Business Communication requires:
( Perception This is the ability to anticipate your audience’s reaction to your message and adjust the message according to the audience’s needs in order to minimise misunderstanding.
( Precision Saying exactly what you mean helps the receiver to grasp the message easily and more accurately.
( Credibility When your audience trusts you and believes what you say, you have established credibility.
( Control This is when the message is designed according to the sender’s purpose.
( Goodwill This is when you establish and maintain friendly, pleasant relations with your audience.
2.2 Types of Written Business Communication
Written business messages can take many forms. At one extreme are the scribbled notes people use; at the other end are elaborate, formal reports complete with visuals and charts. Regardless of the form, written business messages have one big advantage; they allow you to plan and control the message.
Written messages are preferred when: ← the information is complex, ← a permanent record is needed for future reference, or ← the audience is large and geographically dispersed.
1. Business Letters
Letters are means to communicate with parties outside the organisation and they perform an important public relations function in addition to conveying a particular message.
2. Memorandum
Memorandum or memo, in short, is used for routine, day-to-day communication within an organisation. Memos are useful when you want to designate responsibility, communicate the same material to many people, communicate policy and procedure, confirm oral agreements or decisions and place specific information on record. 2.2.3 Reports and Proposals
These factual, objective documents may be distributed either to people outside or inside an organisation, depending on their purpose or subject. Generally, reports and proposals are longer than letters and memos, and they also tend to be more formal
2.2.4 Electronic Mail
Memos and other business communication also take the form of e-mail. Some may think that e-mail is informal communication; however, in business writing, e-mail has to follow the same conventions and principles guiding business letters and memos. In fact, because e-mail is read on-screen, it is even more important that your messages are well-organised, concise and precise as reading from the screen can be quite a strain.
In addition, there is tendency for organisations to send e-mail message indiscriminately causing information overload. Therefore, you need to have a clear and informative subject line which should give the reader a good indication of what the subject is about. Good subject lines also help readers prioritise which emails to read first.
2.3 Types of Business Messages
All the different types of business communication through postal or electronic mail eg requests, enquiry, adjustment, sales, proposal, complaint, application etc. could be categorised into one or a combination of these three types of messages.
← Positive and Neutral Messages ← Negative or Bad-news Messages ← Persuasive Messages
It should be noted that in reality, business correspondence are a mixture of two or more of three types listed above. No professional will write a wholly negative letter or memo; very often, we would try to buffer the “bad news” with something positive, or we persuade by giving some positive information.
1. Positive and Neutral Messages
This type of message conveys cordial, friendly or neutral information to the addressee. They may be for a multitude of purposes and these include:
← enquiring about a product, a service or an individual; ← approving a proposal that has been submitted to you or your organisation; ← announcing the pending development or completion of a project; ← announcing the change to a new and better system; ← reporting an industrial accident to the management.
The purpose of these messages is something positive or at the very least, neutral like acknowledging the delivery of goods. Positive or neutral messages are often seen in letters of enquiry, request, claim and adjustment. Figure 2.2 in page 2-6 is an example of a positive message.
2. Persuasive Messages
This kind of message serves to influence the receiver towards a course of action when it is perceived that he or she may be ignorant, unwilling or not interested. It could also be because the sender is trying to change the opinion of the receiver. Persuasive messages are written to:
← apply for a position within an organisation; ← persuade a customer to purchase a product; ← propose a course of action with an attached report as evidence.
Figure 2.3 in page 2-7 is an example of a persuasive message.
3. Negative or Bad-news Messages
The receiver of a negative message is likely to feel disappointed, shocked or regretful. Negative messages may take various forms like:
← rejecting the request of a customer for a refund or return of goods; ← complaining about defective products or bad service to an organisation; ← announcing management dissatisfaction with employees’ behaviour or attitude.
These types of negative messages are fewer in number and they are more restrictive in terms of the forms they take. Refer to Figure 2.4 in page 2-8 for an example of a persuasive letter with a negative message
Figure 2.2: Letter from Goodwood Park Hotel (Positive / Neutral Message)
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Figure 2.3: Letter from NTUC INCOME (Persuasive Message)
Figure 2.4: Letter from Konex Pte Ltd. (Negative Message)
Konex Equipment Pte Ltd
42 Kallang Pudding Road
Singapore 650423
Tel: 356 7889
16 April 2008
Mr Steven Lai 268 Lucky Heights Singapore 230268
Dear Mr Lai
KONEX P20 TENNIS RACQUET
We are sorry that the Konex P20 tennis racquet that you purchased from The Sporting House is damaged beyond repair. We have looked into the possible causes of the damage and the preventive actions that we can take in order to ensure that such an incident will not happen again.
The handle of your racquet has become detached from the shaft possibly due to the melting of the glue holding the two parts.
The P20 is one of our best selling models; it is designed and manufactured with the utmost care and precision. The type of glue used is specially tested for its strength and durability. It is also used because of its resistance to high heat. However, even this special glue will melt if the racquet is exposed to high heat in an enclosed space for long period of time. This could be the case when a racquet is left in the back of a car over a period of time.
In order to ensure a longer lifespan, the racquet needs to be kept in its cover when it is not used and not be left in the direct heat of the sun in an enclosed space for a prolonged period of time.
We understand your being upset over the damage and the inconvenience caused. However, as the racquet has met all quality standards at the point of manufacture, I regret that we are not able to replace it with a new racquet. As our valued customer, we would like to present a $50 voucher for your next purchase at The Sporting House.
We look forward to serving you again.
Thank you.
Yours sincerely
Rachel Tan
Rachel Tan Manager Customer Service
2.4 Planning Audience-Centred Messages
Activity 1: Analysing Business Messages
Below (pages 2-9 and 2-10), you will find two memos (via e-mail), reflecting two different approaches.
A. Quickly scan the two memos and answer the following questions:
1. When is the evacuation drill going to be conducted? 2. What are the employees supposed to do when they hear the alarm? 3. Where can employees find maps of layouts of the floors and the exit routes?
B. After you have found the answers in each example, ask yourself these questions:
1. Which is more "reader-friendly"? 2. Which gives you the answers quickly? 3. Which would you rather receive and why?
Figure 2.5: Memo A
|Jamestan@hotelproperties.com.sg |To |All Staff |
|Security Manager |Cc | |
|20/2/20XX |Bcc | |
| |Sub |Fire Drill |
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|Beginning next month, ABC security will be conducting evacuation drills throughout the building. The drills will require us to vacate|
|your departments, proceed to the nearest stairway and wait for security to give us the all-clear signal. We would not be required to |
|vacate the building. The evacuation drill will commence with sounding the alarm, followed by notification by Security that: “This is |
|a drill. Employees are to evacuate to their designated areas.” We will then evacuate the department and proceed to the nearest |
|stairway and wait for the all clear. In the event of an actual emergency, it is important for you to be familiar with alternate |
|stairway routes out of the area. Notices will be posted on bulletin boards around the building. Please take a moment to familiarize |
|yourself with the floor’s layout and routes that are available. |
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|If you have any questions regarding the drill, please contact me at extension 224. |
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|James |
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Figure 2.6: Memo B
|Jamestan@hotelproperties.com.sg |To |All Staff |
|Security Manager |Cc | |
|20/2/20XX |Bcc | |
| |Sub |Fire Drill |
| |
|Beginning next month, ABC Security will be conducting evacuation drills throughout the building. You will be asked to proceed to the |
|nearest stairway but not to leave the building. |
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|When and How |
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|On Monday, 3 Feb at 9 am, a slow whooping alarm will sound and you will |
|hear: ”This is a drill. Employees are to evacuate to their designated areas.” |
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|Action |
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|Proceed to the nearest stairway and wait for the all-clear signal. |
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|Emergency Routes |
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|Maps of our floors are posted on bulletin boards around the building. |
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|Questions? |
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|If you have any, please call me at extension 23. |
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|Thank you. |
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|James |
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2.5 Writing Effective Business Messages
You too can communicate clearly and effectively by adopting an audience-centred approach to communication.
Table 2.1: Composing Audience-Centred Messages
|Steps |Tasks |
|Planning |Define purpose |
| |Consider your audience |
|Composing |Organise message |
| |Formulate message |
| Revising |Edit message |
| |Re-write message |
| |Proof read message |
1. Planning the Message
All successful business communications are carefully planned. Before you write, you should consider the following key points:
2.5.1.1 Defining the Purpose
The purpose of the message helps you to decide whether to proceed, how to respond to your audience, which information to focus on, and which channel and medium to use.
Business messages commonly have a general purpose: ( to inform ( to request ( to persuade ( to collaborate with your audience
Besides the general purpose, your messages should also have a specific purpose. Ask yourself: ( what do I hope to achieve through my message? ( what is the main idea or message that I want my reader to remember? ( what are the specific actions or results that I want?
2.5.1.2 Considering Your Audience
Know your audience: ( who is your primary audience? ( what is your relationship with your audience? Are you writing to your boss, fellow colleagues or your customers? ( what is their background knowledge of the subject? ( what are their possible reactions to your message?
Satisfy your audience’s information needs:
( find out what they want to know ( find out what they need to know ( provide all required information ( emphasise ideas of greatest interest to the audience ( be sure that the information is accurate ( anticipate any unstated questions
Satisfy your audience’s motivational needs:
Some types of messages, particularly, persuasive and negative messages are intended to motivate the audience to change their beliefs or behaviour. The problem is that people resist ideas that conflict with their existing beliefs and practices. They may selectively screen out or distort messages that do not fit in with their own pre-conceived ideas. A good communicator anticipates the audience’s resistance, and tries to compose the message to overcome this challenge by:
( using rational arguments presented objectively like cause and effect reasoning, using data and statistics, and presenting both sides of an argument. ( appealing to their emotions by stating what they stand to gain. Gain their respect through your competence, credibility and honesty.
Satisfy your audience’s practical needs:
Remember that your audience has a lot of other work besides receiving your message. They may have little time, they may be distracted by other work and they may give your message a low priority. Presenting your message in a convenient format will help your audience understand and accept your message better. Be concise and precise in communicating with them.
Activity 2: Planning Audience-centred Messages
You are the secretary of the Students’ Union. The Union is planning the Polytechnic’s Annual Dinner and Dance for its members at a local hotel in December.
You are asked to write to a few hotels to enquire about the packages available, the costs for such an event and other relevant information.
Your Task:
● Answer the following: - What is the purpose of your letter? - Who is your audience and what are his or her needs?
● Use the table below to help you in your planning. List the information that you will need to get from or questions that you need to ask the other party in the column on the right.
Table 2.2: Planning Audience-Centred Message
|Item |Points to Consider |Information Needed / Questions |
|Purpose |What is the aim of the communication? | |
| | | |
| |What do you hope to achieve? | |
| | | |
| |What actions, information or results do you want? | |
| | | |
|Audience |What do they know about the subject? | |
| | | |
| |What do they need to know? | |
| | | |
| |What do you want them to know? | |
| | | |
| |What do you want them to do? | |
| | | |
| |What are their reactions or feelings about the subject? | |
| | | |
2. Composing the Message
1. Organising the Message
By arranging your ideas logically and tactfully, you help your readers to concentrate on your message. Readers are not obliged to pay attention to what you have written, but with good organisation, you can help them to do so. A well-organised message has the following features:
( the subject and purpose are clear. ( all the information is related to the subject and purpose. ( the ideas are grouped and presented in a logical way. ( all necessary information is included.
You have seen the importance of planning and considering the audience in order to ensure the success of your communication. Similarly, to ensure effective written communication, you adopt the strategies of writing audience-centred messages by considering your purpose and the audience’s needs.
Generally there are two approaches to sequencing your information - the direct (deductive) approach and the indirect (inductive) approach.
2. Sequencing Your Ideas
• Direct Approach
This attempts to communicate the main idea (primary purpose) of the message immediately by placing it in the opening. The details supporting or explaining the main idea follow the opening. Figure 2.2 in page 2-6 uses the direct approach to tell the customers of the good news.
• Indirect Approach
This opens on neutral ground, on a point of agreement or on a positive note. The opening is followed by supporting reasons or explanations and moves to the primary purpose later in the message. Figure 2.4 in page 2-8 uses an indirect approach to break the bad news that Konex Equipment is not able to replace a new tennis racquet which the customer wanted after explanation of what could have happened to the racquet.
To choose between the two approaches, you must first analyse your audience’s likely response to your purpose and message. In general, the direct approach is used when your audience is receptive, eager, pleased or even neutral. If you anticipate that your audience will be resistant to your message, displeased, uninterested or unwilling to cooperate, you will get better results if you use the indirect plan. How each type of message is structured and organised is summarised in Table 2.3.
Table 2.3: Organising Your Message
|Anticipated |Type of |Opening / |Middle / |Closing |
|Audience |Message |Introduction |Body | |
|Reaction | | | | |
| | | | | |
|Pleased or neutral |Positive or neutral |Begin with the main idea or |Provide necessary |Close cordially and |
| |message |the positive message |details |state specific action |
| | | | |desired |
| | | | | |
|Displeased |Negative or bad-news |Begin with a neutral opening, |Explain or give reasons |Close cordially |
| |message |then lead into the |for the bad news, then | |
| | |the negative message |state or imply the bad | |
| | | |news, followed by a | |
| | | |positive | |
| | | |suggestion | |
| | | | | |
|Uninterested |Persuasive |Capture attention |Arouse the audience’s |Request |
|or unwilling |Message | |interest in the subject;|Action |
| | | |then create desire to | |
| | | |cooperate | |
Adapted from Bovee, C. L. & Thill, J. V. (1999) Business Communication Today.
3. Structuring the Message
Once you have identified the necessary information required to achieve the purpose of your business message, you need to ensure that the information is organised in such a way that it is easily understood and accepted by the reader.
← Three -Part Structure
Depending on the purpose and the nature of the message, a well-structured message generally can be divided into three parts:
a. Opening : the background information of why your are writing or the purpose for writing; b. Middle : the supporting details or the explanation of a situation; c. Closing : specific action or information expected from the reader.
Activity 3: Structuring Business Messages
Arrange the paragraphs of a business message according to the three-part structure discussed above. Order the paragraphs according to appropriate part of the structure (first column) and correct sequence (second column).
Table 2.4: Business Message #1
|Structure |Sequence |Information / Content |
| | |In addition, I have noticed staff using printed company letter sheets for jotting down |
| | |notes and discarding envelopes which could still be used. |
| | |According to my records, our stationery bill for the 2nd quarter was 21% higher than |
| | |the preceding one. |
| | |I should therefore be grateful, if you would investigate the current use of stationery |
| | |in the department and submit a report of your findings to me by 2 June 20XX, together |
| | |with your recommendations for encouraging staff to use stationery more economically. |
| | |I am most concerned about the apparent wasteful use of company stationery in the |
| | |department. |
Table 2.5: Business Message #2
|Structure |Sequence |Information / Content |
| | |I am particularly interested in WAP-enabled mobile phones that are suitable for our |
| | |purpose. |
| | |Singapore Telecoms suggested that I contact you concerning information about your range|
| | |of mobile phones. |
| | |As we plan to order in bulk, we would like to know about payment and delivery terms. |
| | |Other information such as warranty period and possible upgrade would also be useful. |
| | |I would therefore be grateful if you could send me a catalogue of the mobile phones you|
| | |manufacture, together with the current price list. |
| | |Our team of 40 technicians and their supervisors are constantly on the move to attend |
| | |to our clients’ needs. While in the field, they need to be constantly in touch with |
| | |each other and with the clients. They will also need to access their e-mail and |
| | |download information. |
4. Formulating the Message
The initial impression of your message will have a lasting impression on the receivers. For written messages, the reader will get the impression that you care and that you are knowledgeable about written communication when you use proper formats and stationery, and correct grammar and spelling.
The Four Cs
Observe the 4Cs to guide you in the composition of your business message:
← Complete
In activity 2 (pg 2-13), you would have realised that for a letter or memo to achieve its purpose, it must first have sufficient information for the reader to act on. Depending on your purpose and the reader, you should provide all essential information required. There should be a balance between providing too many details that may confuse and not providing enough that could lead to an uninformed decision and action.
← Clear
After the content of your message, you should ensure that your message is easy to understand, i.e. clear and offers no room for misinterpretation.
← Concise
Remember that your readers are very busy people who may not have the time nor the inclination to read long letters or memos. You cannot afford to lose the attention of the by writing a long-winded message with no clear organisation and paragraphing. This is especially true for e-mail where people do not like to strain their eyes reading long messages.
← Courteous
A courteous tone in business correspondence reflects consideration for the reader and the professionalism of the writer. Remember to always maintain good will and the self-esteem of the reader through a polite and professional tone.
Activity 4: Exploring the Four C’s
With a partner or group, answer the following questions. Where possible, try to include examples to better illustrate your point.
1. What would you have to look out for to ensure your business correspondence is complete?
2. How can you ensure your business correspondence is concise?
3. Why is conciseness in business correspondence well-regarded?
4. What do you think are some elements of conciseness?
5. What constitutes courtesy in business correspondence?
6. How can you enhance courtesy in business correspondence?
7. What benefits can mastering the element of courtesy in business correspondence bring?
8. How do you ensure that your business correspondence is clear?
9. What qualities would indicate that your business correspondence is “clear”?
10. What corporate benefits can consistent clarity in business correspondence bring?
3. Revising the Message
Check and revise if necessary to ensure that the message is complete and will meet its purpose and gain audience’s attention and co-operation. Check the message against the four Cs. This is especially so in e-mail when messages are written and sent in a hurry.
4. Using the Appropriate Style and Tone
Once you have completed planning and organising your ideas, you are ready to write your first draft. Writing is easier if you have planned and know what to say and in what order. When writing your message, pay attention to your style and tone as well as choice of words.
Style is the way you use words to achieve a certain tone or overall impression. You can vary your style – your sentence structure and choice of words to sound forceful or passive, personal or impersonal.
The style and tone of the message should be appropriate to your message and your relationship with your audience or reader. Generally, you would want to come across as personal, positive and proactive. You do not want to distant yourself from your reader/s, especially when you need their cooperation and support.
Activity 5: Analysing the Tone of Letter
Figure 2.7 (page 2-20) is a letter written in response to a request for information. What are your impressions if you are the receiver of the letter?
Discuss in groups of three or four how to improve the tone of the letter:
( pick out the passive structures in the letter and improve the sentences by using the active voice to make your letter more personal.
For example, “The PG ID card of your company is enclosed.” is a passive structure, a more personal tone would be: “We enclose your PG ID card.”
( look at where you can use the pronoun ‘you’ to make your letter more audience-centred.
You may also wish to try the sample letter in Figure 2.8 (pg 2-21).
[pic]
Figure 2.7: Sample Letter for Analysis of Tone
Blooms Hotel
Deans Square
Singapore 587 745
Tel : 4735672 Fax : (65)1653457
12 November 2007
Ms Louise Tan
Personnel Officer
Human Resource Department
ST Electric
21 Jurong Road
Singapore 345899
Dear Ms Tan
Preferred Guest (PG) Programme
I refer to your enquiry regarding our PG programme.
The PG ID card of your company is enclosed. This card can be used to make a reservation with us. A corporate discount will be given. Your executives will be treated with special courtesy and they will get to use the Health Club for free.
Incidentally, a special Christmas weekend rate is being planned. The details are given in the enclosed brochure.
There are also excellent convention facilities and banquet rooms in our hotel should there be a need organise a convention or meeting here. We hope these outstanding amenities will be taken advantage of by you and your company. I will be happy to answer any questions should you have any.
Yours sincerely
Gerald Fernandez
Gerald Fernandez
Sales Manager
Enc
Figure 2.8: Sample Letter 2 for Analysis of Tone
Premium Products Pte Ltd
125 Premier Road
Singapore 123456
Tel: 6234 5678 Fax: 6876 4321
4th July 2007
Target Trading Company
333 Arrowroot Road
Singapore 209876
Dear Sir/ Madam
DISHONESTY IN YOUR COMPANY’S DEALINGS
My company bought some fountain pens from your sales representatives a few weeks ago. Now we realise that we have been conned by you.
Your sales representative gave us a sample to try. Being satisfied with the sample, we placed an order of 500 pens, which was delivered two weeks ago. We have managed to sell 35 pens so far, and out of that 35, 26 customers have complained that their fountain pens were leaking.
How can you sell products that are defective? The pens you delivered to us are clearly of a different standard from the sample your sales representative showed us. Such dishonesty is indeed very disappointing to us. Clearly your staff are unethical and I would suggest you train them properly.
I demand that you compensate us for the pens we bought. Furthermore, your pens are taking up precious space in my store, and I want them to be removed immediately. Otherwise, I will contact my lawyers regarding your underhanded methods of conducting business.
Please look into this ASAP.
Very annoyed,
John Smith
Activity 6: Saying It Right
Improve the following to reflect a more polite, professional and positive tone.
1 We cannot give you a refund as it is against our company’s policy.
2 It has come to our attention that the goods you ordered have been delayed.
3 We cannot process your order as we do not have all your documents.
4 We don’t exchange damaged goods.
5 You have filled in the form wrongly.
6 We need the information as soon as possible.
7 You should have given us more information about the account.
8. It will be good if the report can be finished by next week.
9. We hope this recommendation would be useful.
5. Writing Positive and Neutral Messages
You have learnt some general principles of good business correspondence. While the format, i.e. the layout or arrangement of various parts of a letter or memo is rather fixed, the organisation of the content or outline may differ depending on the purpose of the correspondence.
Activity 7: Writing Positive and Neutral Messages
You are the General Manager of Bandex Pharmaceuticals in Singapore. Dr Chua Beng Tong of Telok Kurau Private Hospital has requested your assistance in contributing $5,000 worth of a relatively new anti-cancer drug (Extron D) for a clinical study of 100 cancer patients. The study will benefit cancer patients world-wide and may possibly encourage wider use of Extron D. Dr Chua is currently the top cancer specialist in the region and is a major buyer and prescriber of anti-cancer medicine. The clinical study will also go a long way in proving that the drugs of Bandex Pharmaceuticals are of excellent quality. Your Marketing Team has the budget for such a clinical study but you will also want the doctor to be a speaker for a talk to promote the use of the drug and to present the results of his findings. You will express appreciation for his interest, approve his request and persuade him to present his findings after the clinical study.
For each of the following extracts below, comment on their weakness(es) and provide a more appropriate alternative.
1 The Opening Section
“It has come to my attention that you are interested in using our cancer drugs for a clinical study. You will need to come to our office and sign the necessary papers as it has been approved by our Director yesterday.”
Comments:
Suggested Improvement:
2 The Middle Section (The Explanation)
“Your request for $5,000 worth of cancer drugs is reasonable for such a large patient size. Extron D has been proven to be effective in stabilising patients in at least four types of cancers. Your study will probably take six months to complete and by then, it would be further established that Bandex Pharmaceuticals is a major player in the oncology range of prescriptives.”
Comments:
Suggested Improvement:
3 The Middle Section (The Request)
“When the clinical study is complete, we would like you to present your findings in a series of talks which we will organise in Singapore and possibly abroad, to promote greater use of Extron D.”
Comments:
Suggested Improvement:
4 The Closing Section
“Don’t forget to drop by our office to sign the necessary papers. We cannot release the drugs until all the papers are in order according to the Ministry of Health’s guidelines. If you require any further information, please feel free to call me.”
Comments:
Suggested Improvement:
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Activity 8: Applying the Principles – Part 1
You are the Operations Manager in a property management company that requires a maintenance contract from a cleaning company. In asking for the quotation, there is some information which you should provide to ensure that you get the appropriate response. Prepare a list of these details and categorise them in a coherent manner to make your letter complete.
Details you should provide:
a)
b)
c)
d)
e)
f)
g)
Details you should request for:
a)
b)
c)
d)
e)
f)
g)
Activity 8: Applying the Principles – Part 2
Now that you have a list of the details that you feel should be included in your letter, work in groups of three or four members, and write a letter to the cleaning company. Remember to:
( organise the information into a coherent whole,
( take note of the format, tone and language that are appropriate,
( be sensitive to the purpose of the correspondence as well as the relationship between the writer and reader (in this case, the staff of the cleaning company)
Present your letter and explain clearly how or why you have chosen the particular language, tone and organisation for your letter.
[pic]
Activity 9: Writing the Positive / Neutral Message
You are an officer at Trust Banking and Finance Services, formerly known as Merlion Banking and Finance Services. Recently, the company had to re-register its name after a legal problem surfaced with its previous name. However, all that has been resolved now and you want to assure your customers that there will be no impact on them at all.
Craft a message informing them of the change, but at the same time, reassuring them that the change should not affect them at all. Certainly, the good service that they had been used to will not be compromised, and your company will continue to maintain its high levels of competitiveness and service. Try to convey the message as positively as possible.
6. Writing the Persuasive Message
Although most communication in an organisation are routine, sometimes you will need to write persuasive messages to:
( sell an idea or product ( request a favour ( gather support ( make a recommendation
Unlike routine requests, persuasive messages aim to influence the audience who may not accept your message. Therefore, persuasive messages are carefully planned, organised and composed. They are usually longer and more detailed as besides communicating your ideas, you need to motivate your audience to do something. You will need to appeal to their cooperation or support.
2.5.6.1 Planning a Persuasive Message
When you are planning your persuasive message, the following may be some of the questions that you ask:
( Who is my audience? ( What do I want them to do? ( How might they resist? ( How can I capture their attention and interest? ( What benefits will the audience gain from the message? ( How can I convince them that I am genuine?
Activity 10: Analysing a Persuasive Message
You will be given six paragraphs of the persuasive message and four boxes explaining the strategy used in each of the paragraph (see Figure 2.9 in page 2-29). In your groups, decide on the correct order of the paragraphs as they would appear in the structure of the persuasive message using an indirect approach.
Figure 2.9: Sample of Persuasive Message 1
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|Dover High School Band |
|5 Dover Road |
|Singapore 864 776 |
|Tel: 6772 3646 |
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|18 June 2007 |
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|Mr Henry Wee |
|Senior Vice President |
|Corporate Relations |
|United Overseas Bank |
|1 Shenton Way |
|Singapore |
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|Dear Mr Wee |
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|Sponsorship for Educational Tour |
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|Thank you. |
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|Yours sincerely |
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|Dominic Tan |
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|Dominic Tan |
|Band Leader |
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|Enc |
2.5.6.2 Organising a Persuasive Message
Using the three-part structure, persuasive messages would have one or more of the following strategies:
← Opening
- grab reader’s attention by arousing their curiosity or positive feelings; - open with a benefit to the reader. They will want to know “What is in it for me?”; - introduce the reader to the problem or idea that you want them to know. Start with some common ground or points of agreement on which to build your case.
← Middle
- elaborate on the main benefit; - support your points with relevant evidence; - anticipate or answer possible objections; - give assurance that the situation will be handled as best as you can.
← Closing
- motivate reader to take action; - ask for reader’s cooperation; - state the desired action clearly and specifically; - reinforce benefits; - include a date for the response.
Activity 11: Improving a Persuasive Message
The following is a memo written by the Personnel Manager of a large company. The Company’s new corporate philosophy is to contribute to the community. The Chief Executive Officer (CEO) is keen on getting staff to participate in the upcoming charity event to raise fund for a Special School. The Personnel Manager is given the task of persuading as many staff as possible to help in the event.
In groups of three or four, analyse the message and comment on its effectiveness. Do you think that the memo has met its objective? If you were a member of the staff, would you be motivated enough to participate in the activity?
In your groups, improve on the memo and present your improved version to the rest of the class for critique.
Figure 2.10: Sample Persuasive Message 2
|Allan Loo@hotelproperties.com.sg |To : All Staff |
|Personnel Manager |cc : |
|1 Nov 20xx |Bcc : |
| |Subj: Charity Drive |
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|As you are all aware, our philosophy is to do our part for the community by participating in charity events. |
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|This year, we are going to raise funds by participating in the Singapore River Raft Race 20. |
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|This event is organised by the Asian Women’s Welfare Association’s (AWWA) to raise funds for the AWWA’s Special School. |
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|You can either participate in the race or you can help by getting donations. If you would like to help, please get a donation card from |
|my secretary. You can also register with her if you want to participate in the race. |
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|I hope that you will do your part for charity. |
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|Thank you. |
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|Allan |
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Activity 12: Writing the Persuasive Message
You are the Chairman of a voluntary charitable organisation that looks after the needy in your constituency. Recently, your organisation has gone on a fund-raising drive, and you are grateful that residents have responded readily and have been generous in their donations.
You want to write a letter to be sent to all residents who had responded and donated to your organisation, thanking them for their generosity and charity. Also, you want to urge them to continue to donate on a regular basis through a GIRO facility, where their donations will de automatically deducted from their bank accounts on a monthly basis. Craft the message taking into consideration all that you have learnt so far.
7. Writing the Negative or Bad-News Message
Sometimes in business, it may be necessary to write negative or bad news messages. The following are a few of such examples:
← rejecting a badly-prepared sales proposal ← complaining of recurrent late delivery of goods ← announcing new measures to curb abuse of office equipment ← announcing retrenchment of staff
Activity 13: Identifying Norms
For the message to be effective, there are certain norms in terms of the format, organisation, content and language that need to be adhered to. Look at the sample letter (Figure 2.11) below. Do you think it is effective? Why do you think so? Discuss the questions in pairs and share your answer with the class.
Figure 2.11: Sample Letter of Negative Message
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|Tah Sah Auto Assembly (S) Pte Ltd |
|324 Pioneer Sector III, Singapore 234950 |
|Tel: (65) 2343284 Fax: (65) 2343285 |
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|28 February 2007 |
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|Mr Rajmohan Rai |
|Bato Automotive Supplies (S) Pte Ltd |
|36 Gul Circle |
|Singapore 345234 |
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|Dear Rai |
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|Lousy Delivery Service and Goods |
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|I am really fed up with your delivery service and delivered goods. Three times this |
|month, I’ve had to return goods which are defective, damaged or come with |
|missing parts. Once, because of horrible packaging, the brake fluids spilled all |
|over our production floor and it took us half a day just to clear it up. Your delivery |
|also tends to be late and this has really messed up our production schedule big |
|time. I think that you had better get your guys to clean up their act or we’ll be |
|looking for another supplier. I hope you realise that yours is not the only company |
|supplying auto parts. |
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|Very angry and upset |
|Bs Lim |
|Lim Boon Siong |
|Purchasing Manager |
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|cc MD |
From your understanding of business messages so far, you would have realised that the sample letter in Figure 2.11 in page 2-32 flouts quite a number of rules in business correspondence.
Negative and bad-news messages are distinct from other business correspondence largely because the corporate writer feels either wronged in a certain way or needs to announce an unpopular policy, news or development. Essentially, the writer needs to draft the message in a more diplomatic way than usual because of the negative contents of the message.
The main purpose of negative messages should be to create solutions to problems. It should not just be an avenue to get things off your chest and to criticise the other party mercilessly. An action is needed from the reader to rectify the situation and it needs to be made known clearly and firmly. For bad-news messages, sometimes, to soften the blow, the writer may offer some compensation in a consolatory note at the end.
[pic]
Figure 2.12: Sample of a Negative Message (Complaint Letter)
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|JayBees Paper Industries Pte Ltd |
|21 Jurong West Industrial Park 3 Singapore 234213 |
|Tel: (65) 4563728 Fax: (65) 4563788 |
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|23 April 2007 |
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|Mr Victor Voon |
|QuickFix Renovation Works Pte Ltd |
|34 Sims Drive |
|Singapore 345234 |
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|Dear Mr Voon |
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|contract 234 |
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|We would like to bring to your attention that Phase 1 of the above |
|renovation work (Contract 234) has not been completed to our |
|satisfaction. |
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|From our observation, the wiring system has not been correctly |
|installed as the system trips each time the air-conditioners on each |
|floor are switched on. The plumbing system on the third floor toilets |
|is also leaking and this has made our staff avoid those cubicles that |
|are affected. The tiles in the toilets are also not well laid as the joints |
|are irregular and some of them appear to be hollow. |
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|Please rectify the above faults immediately so that Phase 2 and 3 of |
|the contract can continue without further delays. Do contact my |
|assistant Mr Seetoh at Tel: 4563722 (direct) to arrange for an |
|immediate site inspection. |
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|As we are working within a tight schedule, I would appreciate your |
|cooperation to rectify the renovation problems we have outlined |
|above. We look forward to your prompt response. Thank you |
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|Yours sincerely |
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|Gabriel David |
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|Gabriel David |
|Operations Manager |
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|cc Managing Director, Finance Manager |
Note:
The interests of and benefits to the receiver has been shifted to the third paragraph.
Figure 2.13: Sample of a Bad News Message (Rejection Letter)
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|Millard Consumer Electronics Pte Ltd |
|293 Dalhousie Lane Singapore 293849 |
|Tel: (65) 3849586 Fax (65) 3849589 |
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|23 April 2007 |
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|Mr Paitoon Parker |
|Blk 323 Woodlands Ring Road |
|#12-234 |
|Singapore 243323 |
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|Dear Mr Parker |
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|Post of Assistant Marketing Manager |
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|We regret to inform you that your application for the above post has not been approved. |
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|We will, however, keep your application and resume in our files and contact |
|you when a relevant post is available in the future. We appreciate your |
|interest in joining our company and wish you every success in your future |
|endeavours. |
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|Yours sincerely |
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|Shanti Chandran |
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|Shanti Chandran (Ms) |
|HR Executive |
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|cc HR Manager, Marketing Manager |
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Note:
Some letters may not need to have the four sections (paragraphs).
Activity 14: Using the Passive Voice
In order to make your business message more personal and audience-centred, you are encouraged to use the Active Voice and personal pronoun ‘you’. However, in negative messages, we use the passive structures instead when we want to ‘buffer’ the bad or the negative news.
In Passive structures, the agent or ‘doer’ of the action can be omitted and this may be desired when the writer does not want to highlight the person who has initiated a policy that is unpopular.
|Active Voice |Passive Voice |
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|The Administrative Manager has suggested that we retrench a quarter|It was suggested that a quarter of the production staff be |
|of the production staff. |retrenched |
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|The Finance Manager proposed a pay cut for middle management. |A pay cut for middle management was proposed. |
Rewrite the following Active sentences in the Passive Voice so that the ‘doer’ of the action is deleted.
1 The General Manager wants all staff to put on name tags and work overtime.
2 I expect you to deliver the goods promptly.
3 The company will take stern action against anyone found misappropriating funds.
4 You must complete the renovation work by the end of the year.
5 The Management expects everyone to attend the three-day training.
Activity 15: Using Personal Pronouns
Have you noticed how seasoned corporate writers tend to vary the use of the personal pronoun ‘I’ and ‘we’ to suit the kinds of positive and negative messages they have to draft? Below are two examples.
• I am pleased to inform you that your application for the post of Assistant Accountant has been accepted.
• We regret to inform you that your application for the post of Assistant Sales and Marketing Manager has been rejected.
You may realise that often, if you need corporate support for sending out a negative or bad-news message, you can position your company or other higher authority, but not yourself, as the decision-makers. This will cushion to some extent, the negative feelings the reader may have towards you and the message.
In the following sentences, decide if the messages are positive or negative and use an appropriate pronoun.
1 cannot allow such bad publicity to affect our corporate image.
2 believe(s) that there are possible solutions to these problems in the Marketing section.
3 consider/s such action to be unprofessional.
4 would like to suggest the following.
5 would appreciate a response by 27 May 2007.
Activity 16: Using Modals
Modals are words like ‘may’, ‘might’, ‘shall’, ‘should’, ‘can’, ‘could’, ‘will’, ‘would’ etc. They show the different levels of probability and obligation of an action taking place and when used appropriately, they help in making a letter appear more diplomatic.
Fill in the blanks with an appropriate modal to change the following sentences to make them appear more diplomatic. Indicate in the brackets at the end of each sentence whether they reflect probability, possibility, obligation, politeness and/or necessity.
1 We appreciate your prompt response to rectify the problems ( ).
2 There have been better training conducted for the staff to avoid such accidents ( ).
3 You want to consider the following suggestions to ensure higher productivity ( ).
4 Your management take note of the complaints from the various corporate clients. ( ).
5 There _________ be a three-hour training for all staff to improve work performance ( ).
Activity 17: Improving a Negative Message
From what you have learnt about the conventions of writing a negative or bad-news message, get into small groups of fours and rewrite the sample letter in Figure 2.12 in page 2-34. Present your final draft and explain your rationale for making the amendments to the class.
Activity 18: Writing the Negative Message
You run a small beauty and spa business on the ground floor of a restored shophouse, and your customers come to you for a variety of relaxation and beauty treatments and packages. The emphasis of your business is on customer service, a quiet ambience and absolute comfort for your customers.
Recently, a beauty salon has moved into the premises upstairs, and they have been very noisy, with sounds of people constantly walking up and down, chairs rolling across a hard wood floor, people dropping things etc. This has disturbed the ambience of your spa, and your customers have been suggesting that you move to an area where quietness is ensured as the sounds irritate them. Your efforts to talk to the owner to come to an amicable solution have proven fruitless, as he is hostile and insists that you should just learn to live with the noise.
Craft a business message to him, urging cooperation where the main issue is concerned. Be friendly but firm, and do indicate that you would be willing to take things a step further (by reporting him to the landlord or even taking legal action) if he continues to allow your business to be disrupted.
Activity 19: Writing Business Messages
Test (CA 3) 30%
This assignment constitutes 30% of your overall mark for the module. You will be assigned a case study by your lecturer. Each case study comprises of two scenarios.
You are required to write two business messages based on the case study. You are expected to plan your approach and include any relevant information and details that will solve the problem and meet the communication needs of the individual case study.
An example of business message based on case study is given in pages 2-40 to 2-42.
Remember to use the conventions, organisational structure, language structures and tone effective for each of the three types of business messages.
Your letters and memos will be assessed according to the band descriptors and criteria given in the Overview in pages O-9 and O-10 of this unit.
Sample Case Study Promotion of Pharmaceutical Products
Prestige Hospital is a top private hospital in Singapore and has many specialist clinics catering to local and overseas patients. Due to its popularity, it is extremely busy during office hours. Recently, there have been complaints from doctors, pharmacists, nurses and patients that there are many salespersons especially those from the pharmaceutical industry promoting their medical products in the hospital premises and this takes up much of the doctors’ and pharmacists’ time.
Some salespersons have been observed cutting the patients’ queues and hogging the doctors for hours when the time is actually for doctor-patient consultation. They mostly do not make appointments to see the doctors and pharmacists and they tend to distract the nurses from their duties by asking them questions. Some have even started promoting their medical products to patients directly which is considered unethical in the industry. The Medical Director of Prestige Hospital is aware and upset about the problem and is demanding that action be taken to solve the problem.
Scenario
You are the Administrative Manager of Prestige Hospital. You have been asked by the Medical Director to write a letter of complaint to Mrs Alice Leong, the Director of the Singapore Association of Pharmaceutical Industries (SAPI), to highlight the situation and to inform her of the new policies and regulations regarding promotion of pharmaceutical products. SAPI is the body ensuring the ethical promotion of medical products in Singapore and has the legislative power to take actions against any company guilty of unethical practices in the industry.
Your description of the problems and solutions should be clearly conveyed to the reader. Details of your letter should include the following:
• full description of the current situation/problems • clear explanation of the policies and regulations • importance of compliance with the new policy • benefit of the suggestions to all parties concerned
Your Medical Director would appreciate being kept informed of your action.
[pic]
Planning Audience-centred Message:
|Item |Points to Consider |Information Needed / Questions |
|Purpose |What is the aim of the communication? |To get the cooperation of the SAPI to help ensure that |
| | |salesperson observe hospital’s policies and regulations and |
| |What do I hope to achieve? |not disrupt doctor’s work or harass the patients. |
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| |What actions, information or results do I want? |To highlight that the new policies and regulations would be |
| | |beneficial to all parties concerned. |
| | | |
| | |To maintain good working relationship with SAPI. |
|Audience |What does Mrs Alice Leong know about the subject? |She probably does not know that the salespersons are |
| | |disrupting work of the hospital’s personnel. She probably is|
| |What does she feel about the subject? |aware of the salesperson’s difficulties in getting to see |
| | |the doctors and promote their products. |
| |What does she need to know? | |
| | |She will need to be informed of the consequences of the |
| |What do I want her to know? |salesperson ‘over enthusiasm’ to sell their products. |
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| |What do I want her to do? |She would not want the hospital‘s work to be disrupted and |
| | |she would not be resistant to the new policies and |
| | |regulations. |
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| | |She will need to be convinced that the new policies and |
| | |regulations are implemented for the benefits of all |
| | |concerned. |
| | | |
| | |I would need her help in informing all pharmaceutical |
| | |companies and get their cooperation. |
The sample letter in page 2-40 uses the direct approach as Mrs Leong is not resistant to the information and she will be cooperative as SAPI is responsible for the professional conduct of pharmaceutical salespersons.
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|Prestige Hospital |
|342 Paterson Road, Singapore 232894 |
|Tel: (65) 3378495 Fax (65) 3378498 |
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|23 March 2007 |
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|Mrs Alice Leong |
|Singapore Association of Pharmaceutical Industries |
|234 Lavender Street |
|Singapore 204958 |
|Tel: 63847639 |
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|Dear Mrs Leong |
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|PROMOTION OF PHARMACEUTICAL PRODUCTS |
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|We would like to highlight our concern regarding the promotion of pharmaceutical products within the hospital’s premises. |
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|We have received feedback from staff and patients who have observed that some of the salespersons from pharmaceutical companies |
|are: |
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|cutting patients’ queues and hogging doctors for hours |
|failing to make appointments to see doctors and pharmacists |
|distracting nurses from their duties |
|promoting medical products to patients directly. |
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|The hospital takes a very serious view of this as our top priority is patients care |
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|To ensure that the staff’s work is not disrupted, we would like all sales representatives to report to the security office for a|
|pass with immediate effect and they must make appointments with doctors which will be recorded. Appointments should only be |
|made over lunch or after working hours unless it is an emergency, in which case, they must have the doctor’s or pharmacist’s |
|approval. Approval forms are obtainable from the security post at the entrance of the hospital. |
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|We believe that the new regulations will not only ensure the smooth running of the hospital but also ensure that the |
|salespersons will not waste time waiting to see the doctors or pharmacists. |
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|We would appreciate your help in informing and ensuring cooperation from all pharmaceutical companies concerned. |
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|I would welcome any suggestions or feedback that you may have. Please contact me at |
|63378324 or pclim@prestige.com. |
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|We look forward to a closer partnership with you to provide even better healthcare services in Singapore. Thank you. |
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|Your sincerely |
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|PC Lim |
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|Lim Peh Sim (Ms) |
|Administrative Manager |
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|cc Medical Director |
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UNIT 2
BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE
General Aim
To acquire the skills of writing business messages effectively.
Specific Aims
1 To plan business messages by: ( defining the purpose ( considering the audience
2 To effectively organise business messages using either the: ( direct approach ( indirect approach
3 To use the appropriate formats, language forms, styles and tone, to write: ( positive or neutral messages ( persuasive messages ( negative messages
[pic][?] Situational Explanation •
Introduction with main purpose stated clearly
Request for action with interests of and benefit to the reader
Cordial conclusion
Introduction with main point.
Consolatory action
Positive note in the end.
BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE
2. The Communication Process
The ability to communicate effectively is an important skill to develop, especially, when you are asked to speak or write to another organisation or to colleagues within your organisation. How well you inform, influence, and persuade others determines the progress you make in your career and the quality of your personal relationships.
Communication is the process of sending and receiving messages. Effective communication occurs when individuals achieve a shared understanding of the message, and the appropriate action is taken.
2.1 Challenges in Business Communication
Figure 2.1: Language Skills used in Business Correspondence
Adapted from Bovee, C. L. and Thill, J. V. (1999) Business Communication Today.
People in business tend to, however, focus more time in obtaining information than transmitting it. To do their job effectively, they need to have good reading and listening skills besides good speaking and writing skills. Unfortunately, most of us are not very good listeners. How many of you will remember today’s lecture? What about a few days later? The problem with business communication is often that the material may be complex and controversial. Both the sender and the receiver of the message are working under the constraints of time and work commitments. Furthermore, opportunities for feedback are often limited, making it difficult to correct misunderstanding.
Successful Business Communication requires:
( Perception This is the ability to anticipate your audience’s reaction to your message and adjust the message according to the audience’s needs in order to minimise misunderstanding.
( Precision Saying exactly what you mean helps the receiver to grasp the message easily and more accurately.
( Credibility When your audience trusts you and believes what you say, you have established credibility.
( Control This is when the message is designed according to the sender’s purpose.
( Goodwill This is when you establish and maintain friendly, pleasant relations with your audience.
2.2 Types of Written Business Communication
Written business messages can take many forms. At one extreme are the scribbled notes people use; at the other end are elaborate, formal reports complete with visuals and charts. Regardless of the form, written business messages have one big advantage; they allow you to plan and control the message.
Written messages are preferred when: ← the information is complex, ← a permanent record is needed for future reference, or ← the audience is large and geographically dispersed.
1. Business Letters
Letters are means to communicate with parties outside the organisation and they perform an important public relations function in addition to conveying a particular message.
2. Memorandum
Memorandum or memo, in short, is used for routine, day-to-day communication within an organisation. Memos are useful when you want to designate responsibility, communicate the same material to many people, communicate policy and procedure, confirm oral agreements or decisions and place specific information on record. 2.2.3 Reports and Proposals
These factual, objective documents may be distributed either to people outside or inside an organisation, depending on their purpose or subject. Generally, reports and proposals are longer than letters and memos, and they also tend to be more formal
2.2.4 Electronic Mail
Memos and other business communication also take the form of e-mail. Some may think that e-mail is informal communication; however, in business writing, e-mail has to follow the same conventions and principles guiding business letters and memos. In fact, because e-mail is read on-screen, it is even more important that your messages are well-organised, concise and precise as reading from the screen can be quite a strain.
In addition, there is tendency for organisations to send e-mail message indiscriminately causing information overload. Therefore, you need to have a clear and informative subject line which should give the reader a good indication of what the subject is about. Good subject lines also help readers prioritise which emails to read first.
2.3 Types of Business Messages
All the different types of business communication through postal or electronic mail eg requests, enquiry, adjustment, sales, proposal, complaint, application etc. could be categorised into one or a combination of these three types of messages.
← Positive and Neutral Messages ← Negative or Bad-news Messages ← Persuasive Messages
It should be noted that in reality, business correspondence are a mixture of two or more of three types listed above. No professional will write a wholly negative letter or memo; very often, we would try to buffer the “bad news” with something positive, or we persuade by giving some positive information.
1. Positive and Neutral Messages
This type of message conveys cordial, friendly or neutral information to the addressee. They may be for a multitude of purposes and these include:
← enquiring about a product, a service or an individual; ← approving a proposal that has been submitted to you or your organisation; ← announcing the pending development or completion of a project; ← announcing the change to a new and better system; ← reporting an industrial accident to the management.
The purpose of these messages is something positive or at the very least, neutral like acknowledging the delivery of goods. Positive or neutral messages are often seen in letters of enquiry, request, claim and adjustment. Figure 2.2 in page 2-6 is an example of a positive message.
2. Persuasive Messages
This kind of message serves to influence the receiver towards a course of action when it is perceived that he or she may be ignorant, unwilling or not interested. It could also be because the sender is trying to change the opinion of the receiver. Persuasive messages are written to:
← apply for a position within an organisation; ← persuade a customer to purchase a product; ← propose a course of action with an attached report as evidence.
Figure 2.3 in page 2-7 is an example of a persuasive message.
3. Negative or Bad-news Messages
The receiver of a negative message is likely to feel disappointed, shocked or regretful. Negative messages may take various forms like:
← rejecting the request of a customer for a refund or return of goods; ← complaining about defective products or bad service to an organisation; ← announcing management dissatisfaction with employees’ behaviour or attitude.
These types of negative messages are fewer in number and they are more restrictive in terms of the forms they take. Refer to Figure 2.4 in page 2-8 for an example of a persuasive letter with a negative message
Figure 2.2: Letter from Goodwood Park Hotel (Positive / Neutral Message)
[pic]
Figure 2.3: Letter from NTUC INCOME (Persuasive Message)
Figure 2.4: Letter from Konex Pte Ltd. (Negative Message)
Konex Equipment Pte Ltd
42 Kallang Pudding Road
Singapore 650423
Tel: 356 7889
16 April 2008
Mr Steven Lai 268 Lucky Heights Singapore 230268
Dear Mr Lai
KONEX P20 TENNIS RACQUET
We are sorry that the Konex P20 tennis racquet that you purchased from The Sporting House is damaged beyond repair. We have looked into the possible causes of the damage and the preventive actions that we can take in order to ensure that such an incident will not happen again.
The handle of your racquet has become detached from the shaft possibly due to the melting of the glue holding the two parts.
The P20 is one of our best selling models; it is designed and manufactured with the utmost care and precision. The type of glue used is specially tested for its strength and durability. It is also used because of its resistance to high heat. However, even this special glue will melt if the racquet is exposed to high heat in an enclosed space for long period of time. This could be the case when a racquet is left in the back of a car over a period of time.
In order to ensure a longer lifespan, the racquet needs to be kept in its cover when it is not used and not be left in the direct heat of the sun in an enclosed space for a prolonged period of time.
We understand your being upset over the damage and the inconvenience caused. However, as the racquet has met all quality standards at the point of manufacture, I regret that we are not able to replace it with a new racquet. As our valued customer, we would like to present a $50 voucher for your next purchase at The Sporting House.
We look forward to serving you again.
Thank you.
Yours sincerely
Rachel Tan
Rachel Tan Manager Customer Service
2.4 Planning Audience-Centred Messages
Activity 1: Analysing Business Messages
Below (pages 2-9 and 2-10), you will find two memos (via e-mail), reflecting two different approaches.
A. Quickly scan the two memos and answer the following questions:
1. When is the evacuation drill going to be conducted? 2. What are the employees supposed to do when they hear the alarm? 3. Where can employees find maps of layouts of the floors and the exit routes?
B. After you have found the answers in each example, ask yourself these questions:
1. Which is more "reader-friendly"? 2. Which gives you the answers quickly? 3. Which would you rather receive and why?
Figure 2.5: Memo A
|Jamestan@hotelproperties.com.sg |To |All Staff |
|Security Manager |Cc | |
|20/2/20XX |Bcc | |
| |Sub |Fire Drill |
| |
|Beginning next month, ABC security will be conducting evacuation drills throughout the building. The drills will require us to vacate|
|your departments, proceed to the nearest stairway and wait for security to give us the all-clear signal. We would not be required to |
|vacate the building. The evacuation drill will commence with sounding the alarm, followed by notification by Security that: “This is |
|a drill. Employees are to evacuate to their designated areas.” We will then evacuate the department and proceed to the nearest |
|stairway and wait for the all clear. In the event of an actual emergency, it is important for you to be familiar with alternate |
|stairway routes out of the area. Notices will be posted on bulletin boards around the building. Please take a moment to familiarize |
|yourself with the floor’s layout and routes that are available. |
| |
|If you have any questions regarding the drill, please contact me at extension 224. |
| |
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|James |
| |
| |
Figure 2.6: Memo B
|Jamestan@hotelproperties.com.sg |To |All Staff |
|Security Manager |Cc | |
|20/2/20XX |Bcc | |
| |Sub |Fire Drill |
| |
|Beginning next month, ABC Security will be conducting evacuation drills throughout the building. You will be asked to proceed to the |
|nearest stairway but not to leave the building. |
| |
|When and How |
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|On Monday, 3 Feb at 9 am, a slow whooping alarm will sound and you will |
|hear: ”This is a drill. Employees are to evacuate to their designated areas.” |
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|Action |
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|Proceed to the nearest stairway and wait for the all-clear signal. |
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|Emergency Routes |
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|Maps of our floors are posted on bulletin boards around the building. |
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|Questions? |
| |
|If you have any, please call me at extension 23. |
| |
|Thank you. |
| |
|James |
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2.5 Writing Effective Business Messages
You too can communicate clearly and effectively by adopting an audience-centred approach to communication.
Table 2.1: Composing Audience-Centred Messages
|Steps |Tasks |
|Planning |Define purpose |
| |Consider your audience |
|Composing |Organise message |
| |Formulate message |
| Revising |Edit message |
| |Re-write message |
| |Proof read message |
1. Planning the Message
All successful business communications are carefully planned. Before you write, you should consider the following key points:
2.5.1.1 Defining the Purpose
The purpose of the message helps you to decide whether to proceed, how to respond to your audience, which information to focus on, and which channel and medium to use.
Business messages commonly have a general purpose: ( to inform ( to request ( to persuade ( to collaborate with your audience
Besides the general purpose, your messages should also have a specific purpose. Ask yourself: ( what do I hope to achieve through my message? ( what is the main idea or message that I want my reader to remember? ( what are the specific actions or results that I want?
2.5.1.2 Considering Your Audience
Know your audience: ( who is your primary audience? ( what is your relationship with your audience? Are you writing to your boss, fellow colleagues or your customers? ( what is their background knowledge of the subject? ( what are their possible reactions to your message?
Satisfy your audience’s information needs:
( find out what they want to know ( find out what they need to know ( provide all required information ( emphasise ideas of greatest interest to the audience ( be sure that the information is accurate ( anticipate any unstated questions
Satisfy your audience’s motivational needs:
Some types of messages, particularly, persuasive and negative messages are intended to motivate the audience to change their beliefs or behaviour. The problem is that people resist ideas that conflict with their existing beliefs and practices. They may selectively screen out or distort messages that do not fit in with their own pre-conceived ideas. A good communicator anticipates the audience’s resistance, and tries to compose the message to overcome this challenge by:
( using rational arguments presented objectively like cause and effect reasoning, using data and statistics, and presenting both sides of an argument. ( appealing to their emotions by stating what they stand to gain. Gain their respect through your competence, credibility and honesty.
Satisfy your audience’s practical needs:
Remember that your audience has a lot of other work besides receiving your message. They may have little time, they may be distracted by other work and they may give your message a low priority. Presenting your message in a convenient format will help your audience understand and accept your message better. Be concise and precise in communicating with them.
Activity 2: Planning Audience-centred Messages
You are the secretary of the Students’ Union. The Union is planning the Polytechnic’s Annual Dinner and Dance for its members at a local hotel in December.
You are asked to write to a few hotels to enquire about the packages available, the costs for such an event and other relevant information.
Your Task:
● Answer the following: - What is the purpose of your letter? - Who is your audience and what are his or her needs?
● Use the table below to help you in your planning. List the information that you will need to get from or questions that you need to ask the other party in the column on the right.
Table 2.2: Planning Audience-Centred Message
|Item |Points to Consider |Information Needed / Questions |
|Purpose |What is the aim of the communication? | |
| | | |
| |What do you hope to achieve? | |
| | | |
| |What actions, information or results do you want? | |
| | | |
|Audience |What do they know about the subject? | |
| | | |
| |What do they need to know? | |
| | | |
| |What do you want them to know? | |
| | | |
| |What do you want them to do? | |
| | | |
| |What are their reactions or feelings about the subject? | |
| | | |
2. Composing the Message
1. Organising the Message
By arranging your ideas logically and tactfully, you help your readers to concentrate on your message. Readers are not obliged to pay attention to what you have written, but with good organisation, you can help them to do so. A well-organised message has the following features:
( the subject and purpose are clear. ( all the information is related to the subject and purpose. ( the ideas are grouped and presented in a logical way. ( all necessary information is included.
You have seen the importance of planning and considering the audience in order to ensure the success of your communication. Similarly, to ensure effective written communication, you adopt the strategies of writing audience-centred messages by considering your purpose and the audience’s needs.
Generally there are two approaches to sequencing your information - the direct (deductive) approach and the indirect (inductive) approach.
2. Sequencing Your Ideas
• Direct Approach
This attempts to communicate the main idea (primary purpose) of the message immediately by placing it in the opening. The details supporting or explaining the main idea follow the opening. Figure 2.2 in page 2-6 uses the direct approach to tell the customers of the good news.
• Indirect Approach
This opens on neutral ground, on a point of agreement or on a positive note. The opening is followed by supporting reasons or explanations and moves to the primary purpose later in the message. Figure 2.4 in page 2-8 uses an indirect approach to break the bad news that Konex Equipment is not able to replace a new tennis racquet which the customer wanted after explanation of what could have happened to the racquet.
To choose between the two approaches, you must first analyse your audience’s likely response to your purpose and message. In general, the direct approach is used when your audience is receptive, eager, pleased or even neutral. If you anticipate that your audience will be resistant to your message, displeased, uninterested or unwilling to cooperate, you will get better results if you use the indirect plan. How each type of message is structured and organised is summarised in Table 2.3.
Table 2.3: Organising Your Message
|Anticipated |Type of |Opening / |Middle / |Closing |
|Audience |Message |Introduction |Body | |
|Reaction | | | | |
| | | | | |
|Pleased or neutral |Positive or neutral |Begin with the main idea or |Provide necessary |Close cordially and |
| |message |the positive message |details |state specific action |
| | | | |desired |
| | | | | |
|Displeased |Negative or bad-news |Begin with a neutral opening, |Explain or give reasons |Close cordially |
| |message |then lead into the |for the bad news, then | |
| | |the negative message |state or imply the bad | |
| | | |news, followed by a | |
| | | |positive | |
| | | |suggestion | |
| | | | | |
|Uninterested |Persuasive |Capture attention |Arouse the audience’s |Request |
|or unwilling |Message | |interest in the subject;|Action |
| | | |then create desire to | |
| | | |cooperate | |
Adapted from Bovee, C. L. & Thill, J. V. (1999) Business Communication Today.
3. Structuring the Message
Once you have identified the necessary information required to achieve the purpose of your business message, you need to ensure that the information is organised in such a way that it is easily understood and accepted by the reader.
← Three -Part Structure
Depending on the purpose and the nature of the message, a well-structured message generally can be divided into three parts:
a. Opening : the background information of why your are writing or the purpose for writing; b. Middle : the supporting details or the explanation of a situation; c. Closing : specific action or information expected from the reader.
Activity 3: Structuring Business Messages
Arrange the paragraphs of a business message according to the three-part structure discussed above. Order the paragraphs according to appropriate part of the structure (first column) and correct sequence (second column).
Table 2.4: Business Message #1
|Structure |Sequence |Information / Content |
| | |In addition, I have noticed staff using printed company letter sheets for jotting down |
| | |notes and discarding envelopes which could still be used. |
| | |According to my records, our stationery bill for the 2nd quarter was 21% higher than |
| | |the preceding one. |
| | |I should therefore be grateful, if you would investigate the current use of stationery |
| | |in the department and submit a report of your findings to me by 2 June 20XX, together |
| | |with your recommendations for encouraging staff to use stationery more economically. |
| | |I am most concerned about the apparent wasteful use of company stationery in the |
| | |department. |
Table 2.5: Business Message #2
|Structure |Sequence |Information / Content |
| | |I am particularly interested in WAP-enabled mobile phones that are suitable for our |
| | |purpose. |
| | |Singapore Telecoms suggested that I contact you concerning information about your range|
| | |of mobile phones. |
| | |As we plan to order in bulk, we would like to know about payment and delivery terms. |
| | |Other information such as warranty period and possible upgrade would also be useful. |
| | |I would therefore be grateful if you could send me a catalogue of the mobile phones you|
| | |manufacture, together with the current price list. |
| | |Our team of 40 technicians and their supervisors are constantly on the move to attend |
| | |to our clients’ needs. While in the field, they need to be constantly in touch with |
| | |each other and with the clients. They will also need to access their e-mail and |
| | |download information. |
4. Formulating the Message
The initial impression of your message will have a lasting impression on the receivers. For written messages, the reader will get the impression that you care and that you are knowledgeable about written communication when you use proper formats and stationery, and correct grammar and spelling.
The Four Cs
Observe the 4Cs to guide you in the composition of your business message:
← Complete
In activity 2 (pg 2-13), you would have realised that for a letter or memo to achieve its purpose, it must first have sufficient information for the reader to act on. Depending on your purpose and the reader, you should provide all essential information required. There should be a balance between providing too many details that may confuse and not providing enough that could lead to an uninformed decision and action.
← Clear
After the content of your message, you should ensure that your message is easy to understand, i.e. clear and offers no room for misinterpretation.
← Concise
Remember that your readers are very busy people who may not have the time nor the inclination to read long letters or memos. You cannot afford to lose the attention of the by writing a long-winded message with no clear organisation and paragraphing. This is especially true for e-mail where people do not like to strain their eyes reading long messages.
← Courteous
A courteous tone in business correspondence reflects consideration for the reader and the professionalism of the writer. Remember to always maintain good will and the self-esteem of the reader through a polite and professional tone.
Activity 4: Exploring the Four C’s
With a partner or group, answer the following questions. Where possible, try to include examples to better illustrate your point.
1. What would you have to look out for to ensure your business correspondence is complete?
2. How can you ensure your business correspondence is concise?
3. Why is conciseness in business correspondence well-regarded?
4. What do you think are some elements of conciseness?
5. What constitutes courtesy in business correspondence?
6. How can you enhance courtesy in business correspondence?
7. What benefits can mastering the element of courtesy in business correspondence bring?
8. How do you ensure that your business correspondence is clear?
9. What qualities would indicate that your business correspondence is “clear”?
10. What corporate benefits can consistent clarity in business correspondence bring?
3. Revising the Message
Check and revise if necessary to ensure that the message is complete and will meet its purpose and gain audience’s attention and co-operation. Check the message against the four Cs. This is especially so in e-mail when messages are written and sent in a hurry.
4. Using the Appropriate Style and Tone
Once you have completed planning and organising your ideas, you are ready to write your first draft. Writing is easier if you have planned and know what to say and in what order. When writing your message, pay attention to your style and tone as well as choice of words.
Style is the way you use words to achieve a certain tone or overall impression. You can vary your style – your sentence structure and choice of words to sound forceful or passive, personal or impersonal.
The style and tone of the message should be appropriate to your message and your relationship with your audience or reader. Generally, you would want to come across as personal, positive and proactive. You do not want to distant yourself from your reader/s, especially when you need their cooperation and support.
Activity 5: Analysing the Tone of Letter
Figure 2.7 (page 2-20) is a letter written in response to a request for information. What are your impressions if you are the receiver of the letter?
Discuss in groups of three or four how to improve the tone of the letter:
( pick out the passive structures in the letter and improve the sentences by using the active voice to make your letter more personal.
For example, “The PG ID card of your company is enclosed.” is a passive structure, a more personal tone would be: “We enclose your PG ID card.”
( look at where you can use the pronoun ‘you’ to make your letter more audience-centred.
You may also wish to try the sample letter in Figure 2.8 (pg 2-21).
[pic]
Figure 2.7: Sample Letter for Analysis of Tone
Blooms Hotel
Deans Square
Singapore 587 745
Tel : 4735672 Fax : (65)1653457
12 November 2007
Ms Louise Tan
Personnel Officer
Human Resource Department
ST Electric
21 Jurong Road
Singapore 345899
Dear Ms Tan
Preferred Guest (PG) Programme
I refer to your enquiry regarding our PG programme.
The PG ID card of your company is enclosed. This card can be used to make a reservation with us. A corporate discount will be given. Your executives will be treated with special courtesy and they will get to use the Health Club for free.
Incidentally, a special Christmas weekend rate is being planned. The details are given in the enclosed brochure.
There are also excellent convention facilities and banquet rooms in our hotel should there be a need organise a convention or meeting here. We hope these outstanding amenities will be taken advantage of by you and your company. I will be happy to answer any questions should you have any.
Yours sincerely
Gerald Fernandez
Gerald Fernandez
Sales Manager
Enc
Figure 2.8: Sample Letter 2 for Analysis of Tone
Premium Products Pte Ltd
125 Premier Road
Singapore 123456
Tel: 6234 5678 Fax: 6876 4321
4th July 2007
Target Trading Company
333 Arrowroot Road
Singapore 209876
Dear Sir/ Madam
DISHONESTY IN YOUR COMPANY’S DEALINGS
My company bought some fountain pens from your sales representatives a few weeks ago. Now we realise that we have been conned by you.
Your sales representative gave us a sample to try. Being satisfied with the sample, we placed an order of 500 pens, which was delivered two weeks ago. We have managed to sell 35 pens so far, and out of that 35, 26 customers have complained that their fountain pens were leaking.
How can you sell products that are defective? The pens you delivered to us are clearly of a different standard from the sample your sales representative showed us. Such dishonesty is indeed very disappointing to us. Clearly your staff are unethical and I would suggest you train them properly.
I demand that you compensate us for the pens we bought. Furthermore, your pens are taking up precious space in my store, and I want them to be removed immediately. Otherwise, I will contact my lawyers regarding your underhanded methods of conducting business.
Please look into this ASAP.
Very annoyed,
John Smith
Activity 6: Saying It Right
Improve the following to reflect a more polite, professional and positive tone.
1 We cannot give you a refund as it is against our company’s policy.
2 It has come to our attention that the goods you ordered have been delayed.
3 We cannot process your order as we do not have all your documents.
4 We don’t exchange damaged goods.
5 You have filled in the form wrongly.
6 We need the information as soon as possible.
7 You should have given us more information about the account.
8. It will be good if the report can be finished by next week.
9. We hope this recommendation would be useful.
5. Writing Positive and Neutral Messages
You have learnt some general principles of good business correspondence. While the format, i.e. the layout or arrangement of various parts of a letter or memo is rather fixed, the organisation of the content or outline may differ depending on the purpose of the correspondence.
Activity 7: Writing Positive and Neutral Messages
You are the General Manager of Bandex Pharmaceuticals in Singapore. Dr Chua Beng Tong of Telok Kurau Private Hospital has requested your assistance in contributing $5,000 worth of a relatively new anti-cancer drug (Extron D) for a clinical study of 100 cancer patients. The study will benefit cancer patients world-wide and may possibly encourage wider use of Extron D. Dr Chua is currently the top cancer specialist in the region and is a major buyer and prescriber of anti-cancer medicine. The clinical study will also go a long way in proving that the drugs of Bandex Pharmaceuticals are of excellent quality. Your Marketing Team has the budget for such a clinical study but you will also want the doctor to be a speaker for a talk to promote the use of the drug and to present the results of his findings. You will express appreciation for his interest, approve his request and persuade him to present his findings after the clinical study.
For each of the following extracts below, comment on their weakness(es) and provide a more appropriate alternative.
1 The Opening Section
“It has come to my attention that you are interested in using our cancer drugs for a clinical study. You will need to come to our office and sign the necessary papers as it has been approved by our Director yesterday.”
Comments:
Suggested Improvement:
2 The Middle Section (The Explanation)
“Your request for $5,000 worth of cancer drugs is reasonable for such a large patient size. Extron D has been proven to be effective in stabilising patients in at least four types of cancers. Your study will probably take six months to complete and by then, it would be further established that Bandex Pharmaceuticals is a major player in the oncology range of prescriptives.”
Comments:
Suggested Improvement:
3 The Middle Section (The Request)
“When the clinical study is complete, we would like you to present your findings in a series of talks which we will organise in Singapore and possibly abroad, to promote greater use of Extron D.”
Comments:
Suggested Improvement:
4 The Closing Section
“Don’t forget to drop by our office to sign the necessary papers. We cannot release the drugs until all the papers are in order according to the Ministry of Health’s guidelines. If you require any further information, please feel free to call me.”
Comments:
Suggested Improvement:
[pic]
Activity 8: Applying the Principles – Part 1
You are the Operations Manager in a property management company that requires a maintenance contract from a cleaning company. In asking for the quotation, there is some information which you should provide to ensure that you get the appropriate response. Prepare a list of these details and categorise them in a coherent manner to make your letter complete.
Details you should provide:
a)
b)
c)
d)
e)
f)
g)
Details you should request for:
a)
b)
c)
d)
e)
f)
g)
Activity 8: Applying the Principles – Part 2
Now that you have a list of the details that you feel should be included in your letter, work in groups of three or four members, and write a letter to the cleaning company. Remember to:
( organise the information into a coherent whole,
( take note of the format, tone and language that are appropriate,
( be sensitive to the purpose of the correspondence as well as the relationship between the writer and reader (in this case, the staff of the cleaning company)
Present your letter and explain clearly how or why you have chosen the particular language, tone and organisation for your letter.
[pic]
Activity 9: Writing the Positive / Neutral Message
You are an officer at Trust Banking and Finance Services, formerly known as Merlion Banking and Finance Services. Recently, the company had to re-register its name after a legal problem surfaced with its previous name. However, all that has been resolved now and you want to assure your customers that there will be no impact on them at all.
Craft a message informing them of the change, but at the same time, reassuring them that the change should not affect them at all. Certainly, the good service that they had been used to will not be compromised, and your company will continue to maintain its high levels of competitiveness and service. Try to convey the message as positively as possible.
6. Writing the Persuasive Message
Although most communication in an organisation are routine, sometimes you will need to write persuasive messages to:
( sell an idea or product ( request a favour ( gather support ( make a recommendation
Unlike routine requests, persuasive messages aim to influence the audience who may not accept your message. Therefore, persuasive messages are carefully planned, organised and composed. They are usually longer and more detailed as besides communicating your ideas, you need to motivate your audience to do something. You will need to appeal to their cooperation or support.
2.5.6.1 Planning a Persuasive Message
When you are planning your persuasive message, the following may be some of the questions that you ask:
( Who is my audience? ( What do I want them to do? ( How might they resist? ( How can I capture their attention and interest? ( What benefits will the audience gain from the message? ( How can I convince them that I am genuine?
Activity 10: Analysing a Persuasive Message
You will be given six paragraphs of the persuasive message and four boxes explaining the strategy used in each of the paragraph (see Figure 2.9 in page 2-29). In your groups, decide on the correct order of the paragraphs as they would appear in the structure of the persuasive message using an indirect approach.
Figure 2.9: Sample of Persuasive Message 1
| |
|Dover High School Band |
|5 Dover Road |
|Singapore 864 776 |
|Tel: 6772 3646 |
| |
|18 June 2007 |
| |
|Mr Henry Wee |
|Senior Vice President |
|Corporate Relations |
|United Overseas Bank |
|1 Shenton Way |
|Singapore |
| |
|Dear Mr Wee |
| |
|Sponsorship for Educational Tour |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
|Thank you. |
| |
| |
|Yours sincerely |
| |
|Dominic Tan |
| |
|Dominic Tan |
|Band Leader |
| |
| |
|Enc |
2.5.6.2 Organising a Persuasive Message
Using the three-part structure, persuasive messages would have one or more of the following strategies:
← Opening
- grab reader’s attention by arousing their curiosity or positive feelings; - open with a benefit to the reader. They will want to know “What is in it for me?”; - introduce the reader to the problem or idea that you want them to know. Start with some common ground or points of agreement on which to build your case.
← Middle
- elaborate on the main benefit; - support your points with relevant evidence; - anticipate or answer possible objections; - give assurance that the situation will be handled as best as you can.
← Closing
- motivate reader to take action; - ask for reader’s cooperation; - state the desired action clearly and specifically; - reinforce benefits; - include a date for the response.
Activity 11: Improving a Persuasive Message
The following is a memo written by the Personnel Manager of a large company. The Company’s new corporate philosophy is to contribute to the community. The Chief Executive Officer (CEO) is keen on getting staff to participate in the upcoming charity event to raise fund for a Special School. The Personnel Manager is given the task of persuading as many staff as possible to help in the event.
In groups of three or four, analyse the message and comment on its effectiveness. Do you think that the memo has met its objective? If you were a member of the staff, would you be motivated enough to participate in the activity?
In your groups, improve on the memo and present your improved version to the rest of the class for critique.
Figure 2.10: Sample Persuasive Message 2
|Allan Loo@hotelproperties.com.sg |To : All Staff |
|Personnel Manager |cc : |
|1 Nov 20xx |Bcc : |
| |Subj: Charity Drive |
| |
| |
|As you are all aware, our philosophy is to do our part for the community by participating in charity events. |
| |
|This year, we are going to raise funds by participating in the Singapore River Raft Race 20. |
| |
|This event is organised by the Asian Women’s Welfare Association’s (AWWA) to raise funds for the AWWA’s Special School. |
| |
|You can either participate in the race or you can help by getting donations. If you would like to help, please get a donation card from |
|my secretary. You can also register with her if you want to participate in the race. |
| |
|I hope that you will do your part for charity. |
| |
|Thank you. |
| |
| |
|Allan |
| |
Activity 12: Writing the Persuasive Message
You are the Chairman of a voluntary charitable organisation that looks after the needy in your constituency. Recently, your organisation has gone on a fund-raising drive, and you are grateful that residents have responded readily and have been generous in their donations.
You want to write a letter to be sent to all residents who had responded and donated to your organisation, thanking them for their generosity and charity. Also, you want to urge them to continue to donate on a regular basis through a GIRO facility, where their donations will de automatically deducted from their bank accounts on a monthly basis. Craft the message taking into consideration all that you have learnt so far.
7. Writing the Negative or Bad-News Message
Sometimes in business, it may be necessary to write negative or bad news messages. The following are a few of such examples:
← rejecting a badly-prepared sales proposal ← complaining of recurrent late delivery of goods ← announcing new measures to curb abuse of office equipment ← announcing retrenchment of staff
Activity 13: Identifying Norms
For the message to be effective, there are certain norms in terms of the format, organisation, content and language that need to be adhered to. Look at the sample letter (Figure 2.11) below. Do you think it is effective? Why do you think so? Discuss the questions in pairs and share your answer with the class.
Figure 2.11: Sample Letter of Negative Message
| |
|Tah Sah Auto Assembly (S) Pte Ltd |
|324 Pioneer Sector III, Singapore 234950 |
|Tel: (65) 2343284 Fax: (65) 2343285 |
| |
|28 February 2007 |
| |
|Mr Rajmohan Rai |
|Bato Automotive Supplies (S) Pte Ltd |
|36 Gul Circle |
|Singapore 345234 |
| |
|Dear Rai |
| |
|Lousy Delivery Service and Goods |
| |
|I am really fed up with your delivery service and delivered goods. Three times this |
|month, I’ve had to return goods which are defective, damaged or come with |
|missing parts. Once, because of horrible packaging, the brake fluids spilled all |
|over our production floor and it took us half a day just to clear it up. Your delivery |
|also tends to be late and this has really messed up our production schedule big |
|time. I think that you had better get your guys to clean up their act or we’ll be |
|looking for another supplier. I hope you realise that yours is not the only company |
|supplying auto parts. |
| |
|Very angry and upset |
|Bs Lim |
|Lim Boon Siong |
|Purchasing Manager |
| |
|cc MD |
From your understanding of business messages so far, you would have realised that the sample letter in Figure 2.11 in page 2-32 flouts quite a number of rules in business correspondence.
Negative and bad-news messages are distinct from other business correspondence largely because the corporate writer feels either wronged in a certain way or needs to announce an unpopular policy, news or development. Essentially, the writer needs to draft the message in a more diplomatic way than usual because of the negative contents of the message.
The main purpose of negative messages should be to create solutions to problems. It should not just be an avenue to get things off your chest and to criticise the other party mercilessly. An action is needed from the reader to rectify the situation and it needs to be made known clearly and firmly. For bad-news messages, sometimes, to soften the blow, the writer may offer some compensation in a consolatory note at the end.
[pic]
Figure 2.12: Sample of a Negative Message (Complaint Letter)
| |
|JayBees Paper Industries Pte Ltd |
|21 Jurong West Industrial Park 3 Singapore 234213 |
|Tel: (65) 4563728 Fax: (65) 4563788 |
| |
| |
|23 April 2007 |
| |
|Mr Victor Voon |
|QuickFix Renovation Works Pte Ltd |
|34 Sims Drive |
|Singapore 345234 |
| |
|Dear Mr Voon |
| |
|contract 234 |
| |
|We would like to bring to your attention that Phase 1 of the above |
|renovation work (Contract 234) has not been completed to our |
|satisfaction. |
| |
|From our observation, the wiring system has not been correctly |
|installed as the system trips each time the air-conditioners on each |
|floor are switched on. The plumbing system on the third floor toilets |
|is also leaking and this has made our staff avoid those cubicles that |
|are affected. The tiles in the toilets are also not well laid as the joints |
|are irregular and some of them appear to be hollow. |
| |
|Please rectify the above faults immediately so that Phase 2 and 3 of |
|the contract can continue without further delays. Do contact my |
|assistant Mr Seetoh at Tel: 4563722 (direct) to arrange for an |
|immediate site inspection. |
| |
|As we are working within a tight schedule, I would appreciate your |
|cooperation to rectify the renovation problems we have outlined |
|above. We look forward to your prompt response. Thank you |
| |
|Yours sincerely |
| |
|Gabriel David |
| |
|Gabriel David |
|Operations Manager |
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|cc Managing Director, Finance Manager |
Note:
The interests of and benefits to the receiver has been shifted to the third paragraph.
Figure 2.13: Sample of a Bad News Message (Rejection Letter)
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|Millard Consumer Electronics Pte Ltd |
|293 Dalhousie Lane Singapore 293849 |
|Tel: (65) 3849586 Fax (65) 3849589 |
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|23 April 2007 |
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|Mr Paitoon Parker |
|Blk 323 Woodlands Ring Road |
|#12-234 |
|Singapore 243323 |
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| |
|Dear Mr Parker |
| |
|Post of Assistant Marketing Manager |
| |
|We regret to inform you that your application for the above post has not been approved. |
| |
|We will, however, keep your application and resume in our files and contact |
|you when a relevant post is available in the future. We appreciate your |
|interest in joining our company and wish you every success in your future |
|endeavours. |
| |
| |
|Yours sincerely |
| |
|Shanti Chandran |
| |
|Shanti Chandran (Ms) |
|HR Executive |
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|cc HR Manager, Marketing Manager |
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| |
Note:
Some letters may not need to have the four sections (paragraphs).
Activity 14: Using the Passive Voice
In order to make your business message more personal and audience-centred, you are encouraged to use the Active Voice and personal pronoun ‘you’. However, in negative messages, we use the passive structures instead when we want to ‘buffer’ the bad or the negative news.
In Passive structures, the agent or ‘doer’ of the action can be omitted and this may be desired when the writer does not want to highlight the person who has initiated a policy that is unpopular.
|Active Voice |Passive Voice |
| | |
|The Administrative Manager has suggested that we retrench a quarter|It was suggested that a quarter of the production staff be |
|of the production staff. |retrenched |
| | |
|The Finance Manager proposed a pay cut for middle management. |A pay cut for middle management was proposed. |
Rewrite the following Active sentences in the Passive Voice so that the ‘doer’ of the action is deleted.
1 The General Manager wants all staff to put on name tags and work overtime.
2 I expect you to deliver the goods promptly.
3 The company will take stern action against anyone found misappropriating funds.
4 You must complete the renovation work by the end of the year.
5 The Management expects everyone to attend the three-day training.
Activity 15: Using Personal Pronouns
Have you noticed how seasoned corporate writers tend to vary the use of the personal pronoun ‘I’ and ‘we’ to suit the kinds of positive and negative messages they have to draft? Below are two examples.
• I am pleased to inform you that your application for the post of Assistant Accountant has been accepted.
• We regret to inform you that your application for the post of Assistant Sales and Marketing Manager has been rejected.
You may realise that often, if you need corporate support for sending out a negative or bad-news message, you can position your company or other higher authority, but not yourself, as the decision-makers. This will cushion to some extent, the negative feelings the reader may have towards you and the message.
In the following sentences, decide if the messages are positive or negative and use an appropriate pronoun.
1 cannot allow such bad publicity to affect our corporate image.
2 believe(s) that there are possible solutions to these problems in the Marketing section.
3 consider/s such action to be unprofessional.
4 would like to suggest the following.
5 would appreciate a response by 27 May 2007.
Activity 16: Using Modals
Modals are words like ‘may’, ‘might’, ‘shall’, ‘should’, ‘can’, ‘could’, ‘will’, ‘would’ etc. They show the different levels of probability and obligation of an action taking place and when used appropriately, they help in making a letter appear more diplomatic.
Fill in the blanks with an appropriate modal to change the following sentences to make them appear more diplomatic. Indicate in the brackets at the end of each sentence whether they reflect probability, possibility, obligation, politeness and/or necessity.
1 We appreciate your prompt response to rectify the problems ( ).
2 There have been better training conducted for the staff to avoid such accidents ( ).
3 You want to consider the following suggestions to ensure higher productivity ( ).
4 Your management take note of the complaints from the various corporate clients. ( ).
5 There _________ be a three-hour training for all staff to improve work performance ( ).
Activity 17: Improving a Negative Message
From what you have learnt about the conventions of writing a negative or bad-news message, get into small groups of fours and rewrite the sample letter in Figure 2.12 in page 2-34. Present your final draft and explain your rationale for making the amendments to the class.
Activity 18: Writing the Negative Message
You run a small beauty and spa business on the ground floor of a restored shophouse, and your customers come to you for a variety of relaxation and beauty treatments and packages. The emphasis of your business is on customer service, a quiet ambience and absolute comfort for your customers.
Recently, a beauty salon has moved into the premises upstairs, and they have been very noisy, with sounds of people constantly walking up and down, chairs rolling across a hard wood floor, people dropping things etc. This has disturbed the ambience of your spa, and your customers have been suggesting that you move to an area where quietness is ensured as the sounds irritate them. Your efforts to talk to the owner to come to an amicable solution have proven fruitless, as he is hostile and insists that you should just learn to live with the noise.
Craft a business message to him, urging cooperation where the main issue is concerned. Be friendly but firm, and do indicate that you would be willing to take things a step further (by reporting him to the landlord or even taking legal action) if he continues to allow your business to be disrupted.
Activity 19: Writing Business Messages
Test (CA 3) 30%
This assignment constitutes 30% of your overall mark for the module. You will be assigned a case study by your lecturer. Each case study comprises of two scenarios.
You are required to write two business messages based on the case study. You are expected to plan your approach and include any relevant information and details that will solve the problem and meet the communication needs of the individual case study.
An example of business message based on case study is given in pages 2-40 to 2-42.
Remember to use the conventions, organisational structure, language structures and tone effective for each of the three types of business messages.
Your letters and memos will be assessed according to the band descriptors and criteria given in the Overview in pages O-9 and O-10 of this unit.
Sample Case Study Promotion of Pharmaceutical Products
Prestige Hospital is a top private hospital in Singapore and has many specialist clinics catering to local and overseas patients. Due to its popularity, it is extremely busy during office hours. Recently, there have been complaints from doctors, pharmacists, nurses and patients that there are many salespersons especially those from the pharmaceutical industry promoting their medical products in the hospital premises and this takes up much of the doctors’ and pharmacists’ time.
Some salespersons have been observed cutting the patients’ queues and hogging the doctors for hours when the time is actually for doctor-patient consultation. They mostly do not make appointments to see the doctors and pharmacists and they tend to distract the nurses from their duties by asking them questions. Some have even started promoting their medical products to patients directly which is considered unethical in the industry. The Medical Director of Prestige Hospital is aware and upset about the problem and is demanding that action be taken to solve the problem.
Scenario
You are the Administrative Manager of Prestige Hospital. You have been asked by the Medical Director to write a letter of complaint to Mrs Alice Leong, the Director of the Singapore Association of Pharmaceutical Industries (SAPI), to highlight the situation and to inform her of the new policies and regulations regarding promotion of pharmaceutical products. SAPI is the body ensuring the ethical promotion of medical products in Singapore and has the legislative power to take actions against any company guilty of unethical practices in the industry.
Your description of the problems and solutions should be clearly conveyed to the reader. Details of your letter should include the following:
• full description of the current situation/problems • clear explanation of the policies and regulations • importance of compliance with the new policy • benefit of the suggestions to all parties concerned
Your Medical Director would appreciate being kept informed of your action.
[pic]
Planning Audience-centred Message:
|Item |Points to Consider |Information Needed / Questions |
|Purpose |What is the aim of the communication? |To get the cooperation of the SAPI to help ensure that |
| | |salesperson observe hospital’s policies and regulations and |
| |What do I hope to achieve? |not disrupt doctor’s work or harass the patients. |
| | | |
| |What actions, information or results do I want? |To highlight that the new policies and regulations would be |
| | |beneficial to all parties concerned. |
| | | |
| | |To maintain good working relationship with SAPI. |
|Audience |What does Mrs Alice Leong know about the subject? |She probably does not know that the salespersons are |
| | |disrupting work of the hospital’s personnel. She probably is|
| |What does she feel about the subject? |aware of the salesperson’s difficulties in getting to see |
| | |the doctors and promote their products. |
| |What does she need to know? | |
| | |She will need to be informed of the consequences of the |
| |What do I want her to know? |salesperson ‘over enthusiasm’ to sell their products. |
| | | |
| |What do I want her to do? |She would not want the hospital‘s work to be disrupted and |
| | |she would not be resistant to the new policies and |
| | |regulations. |
| | | |
| | |She will need to be convinced that the new policies and |
| | |regulations are implemented for the benefits of all |
| | |concerned. |
| | | |
| | |I would need her help in informing all pharmaceutical |
| | |companies and get their cooperation. |
The sample letter in page 2-40 uses the direct approach as Mrs Leong is not resistant to the information and she will be cooperative as SAPI is responsible for the professional conduct of pharmaceutical salespersons.
| |
|Prestige Hospital |
|342 Paterson Road, Singapore 232894 |
|Tel: (65) 3378495 Fax (65) 3378498 |
| |
| |
|23 March 2007 |
| |
|Mrs Alice Leong |
|Singapore Association of Pharmaceutical Industries |
|234 Lavender Street |
|Singapore 204958 |
|Tel: 63847639 |
| |
|Dear Mrs Leong |
| |
|PROMOTION OF PHARMACEUTICAL PRODUCTS |
| |
|We would like to highlight our concern regarding the promotion of pharmaceutical products within the hospital’s premises. |
| |
|We have received feedback from staff and patients who have observed that some of the salespersons from pharmaceutical companies |
|are: |
| |
|cutting patients’ queues and hogging doctors for hours |
|failing to make appointments to see doctors and pharmacists |
|distracting nurses from their duties |
|promoting medical products to patients directly. |
| |
|The hospital takes a very serious view of this as our top priority is patients care |
| |
|To ensure that the staff’s work is not disrupted, we would like all sales representatives to report to the security office for a|
|pass with immediate effect and they must make appointments with doctors which will be recorded. Appointments should only be |
|made over lunch or after working hours unless it is an emergency, in which case, they must have the doctor’s or pharmacist’s |
|approval. Approval forms are obtainable from the security post at the entrance of the hospital. |
| |
|We believe that the new regulations will not only ensure the smooth running of the hospital but also ensure that the |
|salespersons will not waste time waiting to see the doctors or pharmacists. |
| |
|We would appreciate your help in informing and ensuring cooperation from all pharmaceutical companies concerned. |
| |
|I would welcome any suggestions or feedback that you may have. Please contact me at |
|63378324 or pclim@prestige.com. |
| |
|We look forward to a closer partnership with you to provide even better healthcare services in Singapore. Thank you. |
| |
|Your sincerely |
| |
|PC Lim |
| |
|Lim Peh Sim (Ms) |
|Administrative Manager |
| |
|cc Medical Director |
-----------------------
UNIT 2
BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE
General Aim
To acquire the skills of writing business messages effectively.
Specific Aims
1 To plan business messages by: ( defining the purpose ( considering the audience
2 To effectively organise business messages using either the: ( direct approach ( indirect approach
3 To use the appropriate formats, language forms, styles and tone, to write: ( positive or neutral messages ( persuasive messages ( negative messages
[pic][?] Situational Explanation •
Introduction with main purpose stated clearly
Request for action with interests of and benefit to the reader
Cordial conclusion
Introduction with main point.
Consolatory action
Positive note in the end.
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