Genderlect Styles refers to the differences in conversational styles between men and women which lead to misunderstandings and faulty communication. Today we are going to focus on the 5 types of talk and how men and woman use them differently.
The best way to describe the different way men and woman use type of talk is as follow.
Men use talking as a way to focus on status, which is why talk often turns into a competition for them. Women see talking as a way to connect and form a community. As I discuss the types of talk I will refer back to these ideas.
Type of Talk 1: Private Speaking VS Public Speaking
Women talk more than men in private conversations. Men talk to increase their status, while women talk to improve relationships. In public man use talk as a weapon or a way to establish the one up position.
For instance if Victoria, Jade, and Danielle go to lunch they will call each other Vic, Jade and Danielle. However if Nate, Will, and Austin go to lunch they will call each other Scrappy, Peanut head, and Godzilla. Men feel the need to put each other down in order to establish dominance.
However in private talk the man feels they are in there a safe environment such as their homes and they no longer feel the need to talk and protect their status. They retreat into a peaceful silence. This would often be referred to as a man cave.
Women on the other hand talk more than men. In private conversations woman dominate the talk and men are referred to as the “giant ear” c Type of Talk 2: Telling a Story
When men tell stories, they are the heroes.
Men use this type of talk telling stories more than woman. Men will use story telling as a way to betray themselves has a hero overcoming a great obstacle. This again plays into the theory that men use talk as way to strengthen their status.
Woman use this type of talk to tell a story about others. If they use this type of talk to about themselves it is often about something foolish they did. This is because they want the person who is listening to feel on the same level which will strengthen the community as a whole rather than creating a hierarchy.
For example two groups of friends are discussing the events of a party the other night. Group of girls: Jennifer came with Chuck but Jens ex-boyfriend came as well. Group of guys: Did you see me break up the fight between those two guys last night?
The difference between those the two conversations is the woman discussed other people while the men discuss how they broke up the fight.
Type of Talk 3: Listening
When women share problems with men, they are looking for understanding, not advice. When listening, women are more likely than men to make good eye contact and say supportive things like “yeah,” “um-huh,” and “right.” This is because a woman likes to make their community feel as though they are interested in each member.
Ask the girls in the class: When working on a project such as clean the house and someone comes into the room and starts a conversation what would you most likely do? (stop cleaning and become fully engaged in the conversation)
Ask the guys in the class:
When playing a video game and your friend comes in sits down and starts telling you story what do you do? (nothing continue playing)
Type of Talk 4: Asking Questions
Ask the class: Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for direction
Display to the class:
These classic jokes that men will not ask for directions when they are lost relates back to the “Asking question” style of communication. Men don’t ask questions when it exposes their ignorance. Because men see life as a competition asking others for help will show their weakness and will make them appear less self sufficient.
Women on the other hand ask questions to establish a connection and build a relationship with others. In fact women will use the “asking question” type of talk even when it is unnecessary in a form called tag questions in order to lessen chances of disagreement.
For instance when discussing a movie a woman would state her opinion and then ask ad a tag question. “That movie was great don’t you think?” This is to strengthen her community and also create a friendly dialogue between speakers.
Type of Talk 5: Conflict
Men are most comfortable with this type of talk. As discussed earlier, men think of life as a competion and part of competition is conflict. Men usually initiate conflict. Women on the other hand are least comfortable with this type of talk because they base their needs on a community. They feel conflict will threaten their community. Conflict is a threat to connection to be avoided at all costs.
Take a look at these words. Pick two words and define what they mean as if you were to say it to your partner. 1. Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up. 2. That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake. 3. Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1). 4. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!) 5. We need to talk = I need to complain
This shows that woman will not use words that correctly describe what they are feeling.
In conclusion there are 5 types of talk
Public vs Private -. Women talk more than men in private conversations.
Men talk to increase their status, while women talk to improve relationships.
Conflict – Men usually initiate conflict. To women, conflict is a threat to connection to be avoided at all costs.
Telling a story – When men tell stories, they are the heroes and when women tell stories, they downplay themselves.
Listening – When women share problems with men, they are looking for understanding, not advice and when listening, women are more likely than men to make good eye contact and say supportive things like “yeah,” “um-huh,” and “right.”
Asking Questions – Men don’t ask questions when it exposes their ignorance. Women ask questions to establish a connection (to build a relationship) with others state their opinions, they often use tag questions to soften the sting of potential disagreement.
You May Also Find These Documents Helpful
-
Deborah Tannen’s essay on “Sex, Lies, and Conversation” highlights the different communication styles of men and women. Tannen attempts to get beyond simplistic stereotypes that, for example, women chatter constantly while men are ‘strong and silent,’ or, conversely, that women are shy and quiet and men are more articulate than their female partners. Rather, the truth behind these contradictory stereotypes is much more complex. Tannen opens her essay with an anecdote drawn from her own personal experience, from one of her lecturing engagements. A man stood up, pointed at his mute wife, and said, quite loudly, “she’s the talker in our family” (Tannen 1) The crowd laughed, and Tannen uses this as an example of how women are often more talkative…
- 308 Words
- 2 Pages
Good Essays -
A major disparity between men and women is their conversation goals. Women always want to share everything, but men do not. For instance, a woman likes voicing everything she thinks and how she feels. Moreover, the women like to tell story what happened in a day and she want her partners can feel and understand her story. In contrast, a man does not really want to share what is going on in his mind, except that the conversation is inevitable. In contrast, men do not want to share his…
- 588 Words
- 3 Pages
Good Essays -
Another essay that would be a good read is “Man to man, women to women”, by Mark A. Sherman and Adelaide Hags. They talk about how males and females talk about different things. Women tend to talk about kids, jobs, husbands and other female things. Men will usually just stick to sports, work, and anything else that happens to be in their surroundings, as in anything that happens to be on the news. So men and women differ in conversation.…
- 324 Words
- 2 Pages
Good Essays -
In this chapter, Floyd (2011) discusses the many ways that gender affects interpersonal relationships. He describes is as a “defining feature of our identity, shaping the way we think, look, and communicate” (p. 51). It is explained that each gender culture puts emphasis on different parts of the relationship. Women come to value communication and closeness, while men value taking part in activities together (Floyd, 2011, p. 57). This makes sense when I think about how I communicate with men versus with women.…
- 635 Words
- 3 Pages
Good Essays -
In the article "His Talk, Her Talk" by Joyce Maynard, she believes that men are not smarter, steadier, more high-minded than women. She tells an experience of her own to show that there is such thing as "men's talk" or "women's talk". At the party that she attended, "it suddenly became apparent that all the women were in one room and all the men were in the other" (27). Of course, they redistributed themselves then, but no one had suggested they segregate. Also, she feels that "the talk in the kitchen was simply, all the women, felt, more interesting" (27). She also mentions that man and woman are both have different types of talking. "I think I know my husband very well, but I have no idea what goes on when he and his male friends get together. Neither can he picture what can keep a woman friend and me occupied for three hours over a single pot of coffee" (27). When a group of women conversation to her, "is likely to concern itself with matters just as pressing as those broached by my husband and friends" (27). So her conclusion is that…
- 775 Words
- 2 Pages
Good Essays -
Deborah Tannen’s “Sex, Lies, and Conversation” is a brief look at how men and women communicate with one another and the cross-culture differences between their individual styles and needs for conversation. Women often say that men do not listen or do not want to talk. Tannen gives reasons why women tend to believe that men are not listening, and shows that just because men have a different approach to communicating does not mean they are not listening to what women are saying. She uses several different examples to back up her statements including early childhood differences in communication between girls and boys, the body language men use and how women tend to interpret it, and how women tend to receive information while communicating. Men and women have very different expectations when it comes to communicating with one another.…
- 650 Words
- 3 Pages
Good Essays -
In the essay "sex, Lies, and conversation” Deborah Tannen deliberates about the variance in communication styles between men and women and how it originates the many problems in relationships and marriages leading to separation and divorce of most couples. There is more to communication differences than just basic stereotypes about the two genders, Deborah gives examples, experimental results and researches conducted to analyze and explain communication behaviors and skills of both men and women to better understand the different impressions men and women have of communication.…
- 492 Words
- 2 Pages
Satisfactory Essays -
“Linguistic Battle of the Sexes” describes how men and woman act different in public places. She states, “American men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home.” This pattern she describes is wreaking confusion and imbalance in their interests. When it comes to relationships men and woman have many communication problems starting from childhood.…
- 610 Words
- 3 Pages
Satisfactory Essays -
One of the many reason men and women communicate nonverbally differently, is because their reasons for communicating differ. Men usually communicate to relay information and solve problems. Women usually communicate to express feelings and gain emotional intimacy. Women tend to use nonverbal communication more than men. Women also tend to be better than men at interpreting nonverbal signals, according to the website Body Language Expert. They are also better at reading unintentional nonverbal messages, such as signals of deception. Although men often send nonverbal signals, they typically do so with less…
- 798 Words
- 4 Pages
Good Essays -
When it comes to communication there are many different ways in how someone sends and receives a message or information. Usually, you send or receive a message or information verbally or nonverbally depending on how you want to interact. Communication also has its differences in a person’s emotions, thoughts and feelings. However, it’s not how people word things or address things, but how different people can interpret them. A big factor a lot of people don’t notice is the difference between the genders.…
- 986 Words
- 4 Pages
Better Essays -
Tannen says these habits are formed from a very early age. She says she believes that systematic differences in childhood socialization make talk between men and women like cross-cultural communication, heir to all the attraction and pitfalls of that enticing but difficult enterprise (Tannen 101). She goes on to explain that kids typically play with children of their own gender and therefore develop sex-separate organizational structures and interactive norms. *** In the third section, Listening to Body Language, Tannen explains how men and women interpret body language differently and how this plays a big part in misunderstanding one another. When women are among other women, they usually make noises that suggest they are listening and encourage the talker to keep going. When they carry this habit into conversations with men, the men take these noises as interruptions and a sign that they are overreacting or impatient. Men are often silent listeners and tend to look around and face different directions while listening. Women interpret these habits as not listening or showing a lack of care. Also, when women talk to each other they tend to think that a conversationalists…
- 1023 Words
- 5 Pages
Better Essays -
Nowadays, sex differences have become a controversial issue, especially when it comes to language. It has raised many concerns about how it is different between men and women when they talk to each other on a daily basis. In “Sex Differences,” Macaulay addresses the notion that differences in the manner and frequency in which men and women talk are nonsense. Ronald Macaulay proves that such stereotypes should not be used in language because differences in language usage, personalities and social environments are to be considered the most distinguish points of the language usage between men and women.…
- 814 Words
- 3 Pages
Good Essays -
During conversations, women tend to ask questions, express their feelings, and share their understanding. As for the men, they disregard each other’s problems by giving direct statements and switching to another topic. Women recognize these responses as being uncaring and unsupportive. Tannen also describes how conversational habits effect both men and women. In a comfortable setting, women tend to overlap each other and finish each other’s sentences. Men feel this behavior is interruption and lack of attention. Women also make listener-noises to show that they are actually listening, while men don’t. Men think that making noises is an overreaction or sign of impatience.…
- 423 Words
- 2 Pages
Good Essays -
Deborah Tannen wrote the article sex, lies and conversation man and his wife are present in a small gathering in Virginia. The man is really talkative throughout the event. However, when he is complimented for his ability to express himself; he answers that in reality he is quite and his wife is the talkative one. Women tend to complain about their husbands been quiet. This is caused by the way men express themselves compared to women.…
- 346 Words
- 2 Pages
Good Essays -
Basically a woman loves to show attention to the speaker and loves getting the same attention when she is the speaker. "Men, she found, more often give silent attention" (Tannen p.230). A woman's habit during a conversation is just as irritating to a man, as a man's conversation habit is to a woman. Women feel that when men are silent they aren't paying attention, while men feel that a woman's "stream of listener noise" as overreaction (Tannen p.231). For example, whenever I come home from school my mom always asks me, "How was school?". I could have the most boring story in the world and my mom will throw out sound affects of "Oooh", "Ahhh", and "Oh Wow". I mean seriously my stories of school are not remotely interesting and she is just so into the conversation like a little kid watching a magic show for the first time. I mean I love my mom but I just can't talk to her because the interruptions become very annoying after a while. My dad on the other hand, says "sounds good" gives a simple nod like he enjoyed the conversation and eats…
- 853 Words
- 4 Pages
Good Essays