Touchstone Communication Skills

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I am currently going through a court battle with my ex-husband regarding the divorce settlement ordered August 1, 2012. Today we were in court for an order to show cause hearing due to his failure to follow the court order and pay what the judge ordered him to pay me. In New Mexico they have conflict resolution days when they have the order to show cause hearing in hopes that the parties will be able to work it out with the help of volunteer attorney/mediators. During our conflict resolution when my attorney was going over the issues my ex-husband kept interrupting and giving his opinion of what should be done and making it very clear that he disagreed with the judgment and with what my attorney was trying to say. The mediator just said to my ex-husband “O.K., we will get to that later.” Not only did we not reach an agreement the mediator never asked why he disagreed why he felt it unfair or what his thoughts were. She listened to him turn down all our offers and she said “ok, Mr. Allen does not agree with that can we come up with something else” I felt the mediator was basically just there to take notes and break up a fight if there would have been one. My thoughts on this experience are if the mediator had actually bothered to ask questions, listen and understand what my ex-husbands thoughts/ concerns were maybe we could have come up with a plan that we all could agree upon. Instead of just saying “we will get to that later” she should have actually taken a moment to ask him what his reservations were and then maybe we could have actually started a discussion. In this instance the mediation attempt was a complete waste of time due to the total lack of communication skills. There was no reflective listening so there was no opportunity for reframing or questioning. The Judge has now ordered we have a settlement with the same mediator and then continue onto court if we cannot reach an agreement at that time. My experience today was an example of a...
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