“In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was ‘Arrrgh!’”. These famous lines taken from Piraticus 13:7 are the first words you will see in the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Many do not know what exactly Pastafarianism is, and so I am here to spread the Word! Pastafarians stand for all that is good, and are against all that is bad. What more could someone ask for? The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, while having existed in secrecy for millions of years only recently came into the mainstream in May of 2005. But what do they stand for, and what exactly are their beliefs?
In May of 2005, an open letter to the Kansas School Board from concerned citizen Bobby Henderson sparked the mass intro of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster into our society. Some claimed that the church is purely a thought experiment, satire, illustrating that Intelligent Design is not science, but rather a pseudoscience manufactured by Christians to push Creationism into public schools. But Bobby knew better, and wrote his letter to express his concern. In the words of Bobby Henderson himself, “With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshippers, the Church of the FSM is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents – mostly fundamentalist Christians, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs.”
A lot of people can’t bring themselves to understand this religion. Before I delve farther into what exactly this religion is, I would like to share what they consider the basic beliefs that they all share. By design, the only dogma allowed in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is that there is no dogma allowed. There are absolutely no strict rules and regulations, there are no written rituals and prayers that must be abided by, and every single member gets a say in what the Church is and what it becomes. Due to this, the religion is actually quite difficult to clearly define what the religion is. According to them, they have a set of general beliefs that are as follows. First, they believe that pirates, the original pastafarians, were simply peaceful explorers and that due to Christian misinformation, they received an outlook of outcast criminals. To them, this is completely untrue. Next, they are extremely fond of beer and other alcoholic beverages. To them, this is basically the equivalent of holy water. Every single Friday is a religious holiday and is to be treated as such. Another belief is that they should never take themselves too seriously. This religion wasn’t founded by a group of “uptight” individuals. Finally, they embrace contradictions. These aforementioned aspects are considered the core beliefs of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The central "belief" is that an invisible and undetectable Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe "after drinking heavily". According to these beliefs, the Monster's intoxication was the cause for a flawed Earth. Furthermore, according to Pastafarianism, all evidence for evolution was planted by the Flying Spaghetti Monster in an effort to test Pastafarians' faith—parodying certain biblical literalists. When scientific measurements such as radiocarbon dating are taken, the Flying Spaghetti Monster "is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage". The Pastafarian conception of Heaven includes a beer volcano and a stripper factory. The Pastafarian Hell is similar, except that the beer is stale and the strippers have sexually transmitted diseases.
According to Pastafarian "beliefs", pirates are "absolute divine beings" and the original Pastafarians. Furthermore, Pastafarians believe that pirates' image as "thieves and outcasts" is misinformation spread by Christian theologians in the Middle Ages and by Hare Krishna’s. Instead, Pastafarians believe that they were "peace-loving explorers and spreaders of good will" who distributed candy to small children, adding that modern pirates are in no way similar to "the...
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