REflective listening

Reflective Listening
What is It?
Reflective listening means understanding both what a person says and what a person feels, and then relaying this back to him or her in your own words.

The Purpose of Reflective Listening
Suppose a student tells you about a difficult event with a classmate. A simple example of your response might be:
“So you were really feeling angry with him.” Imagine these three different responses from your tutee and the potential benefits:
 “No. Not angry, just upset.” (refining meaning)
If your summary is inaccurate, your tutee will clarify what s/he actually means. Used effectively, the skill increases understanding. We often assume too much as listeners.
 “Yeah, I guess I was.” (building self-awareness)
Sometimes we do not fully understand what we are saying. By repeating the person’s own logic and feelings, the listener allows the person to get a new perspective which can increase his or her understanding.
 “I sure was.” (acknowledging or validating)
There is often a sense of affirmation when someone has noticed how we feel about something. When somebody says, “It’s obvious how much you like your job,” it feels good that others have noticed.

Guidelines for Reflective Listening
If there is any one skill which makes friendships work, it’s probably the ability to listen to one another. When listening to your student remember the following points:
Do:







Don’t:





Give your attention to the person who is speaking.
Maintain eye contact.
Show that you understand by the occasional nod or smile.
Observe non-verbal as well as verbal cues from the person.
Hear the needs and feelings behind what the person says.
Ask questions that will encourage the person to clarify his or her thoughts.
Summarize the main points from time to time.

Interrupt the person.
Start to tell your own stories, changing the focus to yourself.
Give advice, try to cheer the person up, judge, or divert the topic.