Reflective Essay: How Drinking Changed My Life

My drinking despite efforts to control consumption has recently resulted in overconsumption, to a destructive point. Despite periods of abstinence during the past ten years I have been drinking all my life. Some periods without excessive drunkenness and some periods of heavy drinking; since being married for 7 years to my wife Mei Wen, who does not drink or use drugs my drinking has impacted her life in a way that I see is hurtful toward her and our relationship. It was the most recent overboard drinking episode that prompted my choice of DARA.
In the past two months I have had up to four overboard episodes, all of which have resulted in Mei Wen suffering. We have had loud and openly aggressive arguments, some during which we fought physically…more of Mei Wen hitting me over the head for being an idiot, than us physically fighting each other! She was angry and upset with me! Understandably!
These episodes and my failed attempts at controlling alcohol or maintaining a sober life prompted the visit to DARA; and cancelled a planned vacation with Mei Wen to Japan
Much was due to work stress and much was due to internal mental stressed and obsessive thinking on a horrible British Boarding school experience; and other obsessive negative narratives. Despite my love for Mei Wen there also problems in our relationship, good communication is one example, another is that she has her own problems and issues. Both of us acknowledge that one reason we are together is because both of us are in pain and we can empathize and understand each other pain.
So to sum up a drinking life is not sustainable and I need to find the reasons why I drink and find a solution so that I can stay alive and try to achieve some of the many goals that I have. In my periods of sober living other than I am not intoxicated I experienced no difference in the quality of my life.
I am at DARA to try to fix