Plunging with the Pope
PLUNGING WITH THE POPE
Characters
The Pope - an ancient but by no means feeble man. It is vital that this actor has a flair for comedy and good comedic timing
The Camerlengo - Much younger (late twenties, early thirties), somewhat naiive
The Pope’s private office. There is a desk and a table. He and the camerlengo are decorating the place for Christmas. There is tinsel and a nativity scene. Perhaps Christmas music
The camerlengo steps forward and begins speaking to the audience
Camerlengo: Isn’t he something? Our new Pope! A man of principle, of high moral standing ready to bravely lead the world in a crusade against all things unholy. He picked me as his Camerlengo - yes, little old me! I can’t imagine why. I often think-
Pope: I should like to fist you Padre
Camerlengo: (to audience) oh my! (to Pope) what did you say?
Pope: list you. I should like to list you as one of my most trusted confidants. For tomorrow’s Christmas address. Have you not been listening to a word I said?
Camerlengo: I would listen to anything you said. I would be honoured. I’d do anything for you. (to audience) Oh what I’d give to feel his old flabby arms around me, his wise and clammy back fat wrapped around me and smell his mature yet oddly fresh breath blowing against my-
Pope: What are you doing Padre? Come and help me hang this tinsel.
The Camerlengo bends down and picks up the tinsel, before climbing on the desk and stretching right over the pope. There is something unsettling about the way the Pope is looking at him. The Camerlengo climbs down and speaks to the audience again
Camerlengo: I don’t know what it is. There is something wonderful about him. Whether it’s his musty odour, the way he is always sweating a nectar from God. The way he hobbles around - mature but sexy. Ancient and with this, experienced. Strong, brave, wise.
Pope: Padre, I can’t have you standing around like this in a daze. Come and unfasten my belt.
Camerlengo:
Characters
The Pope - an ancient but by no means feeble man. It is vital that this actor has a flair for comedy and good comedic timing
The Camerlengo - Much younger (late twenties, early thirties), somewhat naiive
The Pope’s private office. There is a desk and a table. He and the camerlengo are decorating the place for Christmas. There is tinsel and a nativity scene. Perhaps Christmas music
The camerlengo steps forward and begins speaking to the audience
Camerlengo: Isn’t he something? Our new Pope! A man of principle, of high moral standing ready to bravely lead the world in a crusade against all things unholy. He picked me as his Camerlengo - yes, little old me! I can’t imagine why. I often think-
Pope: I should like to fist you Padre
Camerlengo: (to audience) oh my! (to Pope) what did you say?
Pope: list you. I should like to list you as one of my most trusted confidants. For tomorrow’s Christmas address. Have you not been listening to a word I said?
Camerlengo: I would listen to anything you said. I would be honoured. I’d do anything for you. (to audience) Oh what I’d give to feel his old flabby arms around me, his wise and clammy back fat wrapped around me and smell his mature yet oddly fresh breath blowing against my-
Pope: What are you doing Padre? Come and help me hang this tinsel.
The Camerlengo bends down and picks up the tinsel, before climbing on the desk and stretching right over the pope. There is something unsettling about the way the Pope is looking at him. The Camerlengo climbs down and speaks to the audience again
Camerlengo: I don’t know what it is. There is something wonderful about him. Whether it’s his musty odour, the way he is always sweating a nectar from God. The way he hobbles around - mature but sexy. Ancient and with this, experienced. Strong, brave, wise.
Pope: Padre, I can’t have you standing around like this in a daze. Come and unfasten my belt.
Camerlengo: