Greenlawn Safety Memo
Revisions to Improve Original Letter
I have reviewed your response letter to Mrs. Smith’s concerns and it has come to my notice that your letter needs a bit of improvement. Below are my suggestions on how you can make the letter more effective in responding to Mrs. Smith concerns.
Your letter is generally a form of business letter that is responding to a customer’s concern so it should follow the techniques of writing a professional business letter. In such a letter, the introduction part should begin with a brief explanation of which you are in the company and why you are writing the letter. Explaining your relation to the company will give the customer, Mrs. Smith, confidence in you by knowing that you are in a recognized position in the company and in a position to answer to her claims. An explanation of why you are writing the letter will be useful in preparing the readers mind on what to expect. In your letter, the introduction has jumped straight to the explanation of the safety of the company’s chemicals. This is not appropriate in a letters introductory part.
After the introduction part is finalized, now the first paragraph of your letter should come in as the second paragraph, though it needs some review. In this paragraph, you have generalized the response. Mrs. Smith’s concern is that the company’s products may also be harmful as the other companies in the same line of business as ours. Your response should therefore be more specific and be directed to our company in a clear way. In your response in this paragraph, you have talked about the materials used by landscaping companies instead of our company. It is quite clear that some landscaping companies are using harmful materials according to Mrs. Smith and so you should try and differentiate our company from the rest.
In the second paragraph of your letter, the evidence used is not good enough. The example of a dog is not as powerful in convincing the safety of the materials in our company. Try
I have reviewed your response letter to Mrs. Smith’s concerns and it has come to my notice that your letter needs a bit of improvement. Below are my suggestions on how you can make the letter more effective in responding to Mrs. Smith concerns.
Your letter is generally a form of business letter that is responding to a customer’s concern so it should follow the techniques of writing a professional business letter. In such a letter, the introduction part should begin with a brief explanation of which you are in the company and why you are writing the letter. Explaining your relation to the company will give the customer, Mrs. Smith, confidence in you by knowing that you are in a recognized position in the company and in a position to answer to her claims. An explanation of why you are writing the letter will be useful in preparing the readers mind on what to expect. In your letter, the introduction has jumped straight to the explanation of the safety of the company’s chemicals. This is not appropriate in a letters introductory part.
After the introduction part is finalized, now the first paragraph of your letter should come in as the second paragraph, though it needs some review. In this paragraph, you have generalized the response. Mrs. Smith’s concern is that the company’s products may also be harmful as the other companies in the same line of business as ours. Your response should therefore be more specific and be directed to our company in a clear way. In your response in this paragraph, you have talked about the materials used by landscaping companies instead of our company. It is quite clear that some landscaping companies are using harmful materials according to Mrs. Smith and so you should try and differentiate our company from the rest.
In the second paragraph of your letter, the evidence used is not good enough. The example of a dog is not as powerful in convincing the safety of the materials in our company. Try