Extra Large Editorial

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  • Published : May 1, 2013
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An Extra-Large Editorial (Subjectively Speaking)
What does the word "large" mean these days? No, not that, ya pervert! I'm referring to the diminishing use of it in proper context. Ordered a large Coke lately? You probably wound up with the one that was one size smaller than the biggest they had. To me, large means if there are three sizes, it's the biggest one. Apparently there are those in the retail industry who disagree with me. Sometime, without my knowledge, small was renamed as "regular," medium became "large," and large came to be considered "extra large."

I guess sooner or later the word "regular" will be abandoned by the wayside for its mediocre overtones and substituted in its place will be the word "large." Of course, since there has to be a distinction between sizes, the next size up will become "Big 'Un," and the biggest of all will don the name "Behemoth."

Try this--go to a fast food restaurant of your choice and ask for a "large" order of fries. Take notice of what size container is used. I'd just about be willing to bet that the biggest container they have isn't the one they reach for. More than likely, you'll get what's really the mid-size carton of fries. This works with pizza, too. Try and order a medium pizza from Papa John's. The response I get is "we don't have medium, only small, large, and extra large." What's this nonsense? Is it supposed to make me feel better about my purchase of a large as opposed to a medium? I just want a pizza that's not too big, but isn't going to leave me hungry either. To me, that falls under the category of "medium." That's marketing for you. Just gimme a medium-sized pizza, as in, not the smallest, but not one that occupies its own zip code either.

Every restaurant has a different qualifier. Hardee's refers to their combo as a "Jumbo Size." At the Huddle House, it's a "Hearty Helping," and McDonald's calls it "Super Size." How many synonyms for large can we come up with? The English language...
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