English Comp 1210
September 28, 2011
Critical Analysis of an Ineffective Essay
Author, Harriet Davids, of “The Extended School Day” believes all elementary schools should adopt an extended school day policy. Davids main ideas focus on the safety of the children, whether it be in the care of a nanny or home alone, safety is the number one priority. Davids not only states that an extended school day will be beneficial to the parents and the students, but also the teachers and staff involved in the after school programs. In an affective essay there are seven essential elements that must be followed to skillfully create a forceful essay. Unfortunately, Davids lacks many of these elements in the entitled essay, “The Extended School Day”.
The title of an essay should prepare the reader for the context of that essay, and, it should also state the personal position of the author. “The Extended School Day” does effectively prepare the reader for the topic of the essay, but lacks the personal opinion of Davids, which is essential when creating an appropriate title. An example of a proper title for this essay would be, The Advantages of an Extended School Day, which adheres to both aspects of an effective title.
Another essential element of an essay is unity and coherence. This means that the author should keep the topic of the essay on one idea and keep sentences and paragraphs flowing in the right direction. Davids, although keeps the essay on one topic, fails to have effective paragraph and sentence flow. David creates weak flow between paragraphs two and three especially, and also between paragraphs four and five. Paragraphs should flow gently into one another, but in the examples given above, Davids jumps from topic to topic, making it difficult for the reader to follow. Instead of going from the topic of children’s safety to the fact that many children dislike school; Davids should create a transition sentence at the end of...