RELATIONSHIP PPROBLEM SOLVING MODEL
About a month ago, my girlfriend (whom i will refer to as "Kelly") and I were not getting along very well, and I attributed our difficulties to a mounting mess of unresolved disputes from our past.
So I invited Kelly to sit down and talk about our problems. Kelly happily accepted. We agreed to take one resentment at a time, and talk each one through before moving the next. We ate dinner together, sat down on her couch and faced each other.
I encouraged Kelly to have this talk between us, so I respectfully let her pick an issue that is bothering her to talk about. It was difficult to hear about a problem that she has used against me many times already and i had hoped that she just forgot about it... but I sucked it up and listened anyway.
The festering resentment that Kelly had been lugging around every day for over 3 years started when she had discovered explicit text messages on my phone between me and another woman. I tried to justify my "dirty-talk" with this woman by blaming Kelly for rejecting me in the worst way imaginable. I had witnessed Kelly having sex with another man just after we had started dating. Kelly knew I was there, but she was so caught up in her own pleasure and enjoyment that my existence was no more significant than a fly on the wall. Kelly ignored everything i did and said as i attempted to get her stop what she was doing, and continued having sex with him until she became satisfied. I was completely devastated and overwhelmed with rejection.
I could have left Kelly after what she had done. But i felt that if I can forgive her for this then I will hold all of controlling cards in our relationship. So i chose to stay with her, and see how things go...
I expected Kelly to suck up to me, kiss my ass, and make up for her actions in every way she possibly could... But that never happened. Kelly ignored it and never even gave me the chance to express my feelings of betrayal and...
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