Legalizing Marijuana Thesis Paper
Has the author adequately defined their issue by providing background information in the introduction? Do you have a clear understanding of what the debate is and why you should care about this issue? Please write any questions you have about this issue.
I think there is enough background information, but I think some things could be explained a little better or more in depth such as how many states have legalized marijuana. I understand what the debate is about, although I did not see the research question in the introduction paragraph. I noticed that there were five body paragraphs and only three sides mentioned in the thesis statement, so I would suggest adding parents and kids to the thesis. I understand why this is an issue, but I do …show more content…
I would also include the governor’s whole name since he is only mentioned once. I also think you should change your thesis a little, aside from mentioning the perspectives of the other groups you mentioned. Your thesis:
“From a lawmaker’s standpoint, to an employer’s standpoint, all the way from a financial standpoint, it is not hard to see the benefits but also the concerns of legalizing the recreational use of marijuana nationwide.”
First, I would change “from” to “to”, because you cannot go from one thing from another. Second, “but also” makes the concerns seem like an afterthought, and it might read as though you support the legalization of marijuana, showing opinion.
Lastly, the phrase “In Colorado, there has been a 26% increase in youth (ages 12 to 17) since the drug has become legalized there (Next Step, 2015).” Makes it sound like there are more children because of the legalization marijuana, not that they are using more
I think there is enough background information, but I think some things could be explained a little better or more in depth such as how many states have legalized marijuana. I understand what the debate is about, although I did not see the research question in the introduction paragraph. I noticed that there were five body paragraphs and only three sides mentioned in the thesis statement, so I would suggest adding parents and kids to the thesis. I understand why this is an issue, but I do …show more content…
I would also include the governor’s whole name since he is only mentioned once. I also think you should change your thesis a little, aside from mentioning the perspectives of the other groups you mentioned. Your thesis:
“From a lawmaker’s standpoint, to an employer’s standpoint, all the way from a financial standpoint, it is not hard to see the benefits but also the concerns of legalizing the recreational use of marijuana nationwide.”
First, I would change “from” to “to”, because you cannot go from one thing from another. Second, “but also” makes the concerns seem like an afterthought, and it might read as though you support the legalization of marijuana, showing opinion.
Lastly, the phrase “In Colorado, there has been a 26% increase in youth (ages 12 to 17) since the drug has become legalized there (Next Step, 2015).” Makes it sound like there are more children because of the legalization marijuana, not that they are using more