In the arms of the angel
EMOTIONS IRRATIONAL THINKING & DEBILITATIVE EMOTIONS
Many debilitative feelings come from irrational thoughts, called “fallacies” here. Often times we are not aware of these thoughts, which makes them particularly powerful.
1. The Fallacy of Perfection: the belief that you should be able to handle every situation with confidence and skill. Once you believe that it is possible to be a perfect communicator, the next step is to believe that others won’t like you if you’re not perfect. If you feel this way, sharing feelings of uncertainty or admitting your mistakes seem like social defects. Trying to appear perfect uses up energy and risks friendships. Your self-esteem suffers as well when you don’t measure up to your own expectations. It is a relief when you accept the idea that you’re not perfect, and that:
• Like everyone else, you sometimes have a hard time expressing yourself.
• Like everyone else, you make mistakes and there is no reason to hide this.
• You are honestly doing the best you can to reach your potential and to become the best person you can be.
2. The Fallacy of Approval: is based on the belief that you must have the approval of almost everyone. You may sacrifice your own principles and happiness to seek the acceptance of others. Accepting this leads to some ridiculous situations;
• Feeling nervous because people you really don’t like seem to disapprove of you.
• Feeling apologetic when others are at fault.
• Feeling embarrassed after behaving unnaturally to gain approval.
The fallacy of approval is irrational because it implies that people will like you more if you go out of your way to please them. Ultimately people won’t respect you if you compromise your own values. Striving for universal acceptance is not a realistic or desirable goal. This does not mean you should be selfish, and not try to please others. But, if you must abandon your own needs and principles to seek approval, the price is too high.
3. The
Many debilitative feelings come from irrational thoughts, called “fallacies” here. Often times we are not aware of these thoughts, which makes them particularly powerful.
1. The Fallacy of Perfection: the belief that you should be able to handle every situation with confidence and skill. Once you believe that it is possible to be a perfect communicator, the next step is to believe that others won’t like you if you’re not perfect. If you feel this way, sharing feelings of uncertainty or admitting your mistakes seem like social defects. Trying to appear perfect uses up energy and risks friendships. Your self-esteem suffers as well when you don’t measure up to your own expectations. It is a relief when you accept the idea that you’re not perfect, and that:
• Like everyone else, you sometimes have a hard time expressing yourself.
• Like everyone else, you make mistakes and there is no reason to hide this.
• You are honestly doing the best you can to reach your potential and to become the best person you can be.
2. The Fallacy of Approval: is based on the belief that you must have the approval of almost everyone. You may sacrifice your own principles and happiness to seek the acceptance of others. Accepting this leads to some ridiculous situations;
• Feeling nervous because people you really don’t like seem to disapprove of you.
• Feeling apologetic when others are at fault.
• Feeling embarrassed after behaving unnaturally to gain approval.
The fallacy of approval is irrational because it implies that people will like you more if you go out of your way to please them. Ultimately people won’t respect you if you compromise your own values. Striving for universal acceptance is not a realistic or desirable goal. This does not mean you should be selfish, and not try to please others. But, if you must abandon your own needs and principles to seek approval, the price is too high.
3. The