Critical Analysis Forms Appendix E

Topics: Passive voice, Grammatical person, Sentence Pages: 8 (2743 words) Published: May 21, 2010
Welcome to WritePoint, the automated review system that recognizes errors most commonly made by university students in academic essays. The system embeds comments into your paper and suggests possible changes in grammar and style. Please evaluate each comment carefully to ensure that the suggested change is appropriate for your paper, but remember that your instructor's preferences for style and format prevail. You will also need to review your own citations and references since WritePoint capability in this area is limited. Thank you for using WritePoint.

[NOTE: WritePoint comments are computer-generated writing and grammar suggestions inviting the consideration and analysis of the writer, not infallible statements of right/wrong, and they should not be used as grading elements. Also, at present, WritePoint cannot detect quotations or block-quotes, so comments in those areas should be ignored.] Expository Essay, Healthy Eating and the Workplace 1 [Write out numbers under 10]

Healthy Eating in the Workplace

University Of Phoenix
COM/150 Expository Essay Writing
Sarah Hughes
May 23rd, 2010

COM 150
Expository Essay, Healthy Eating and the Workplace 2
[Write out numbers under 10] Most would ask why is it important to eat healthy at work? With a healthy eating life style [The preceding two words are spelled as one word] [Spelling error. The preceding is one word.] being incorporated [The passive voice is a form of "be" (being) and a participle (incorporated). Over-use of the passive voice can make paragraphs officious and tedious to read. Try to use the active voice most often, e.g., the student completed the paper on time. The passive voice version--The paper was completed on time by the student--See eCampus > Center for Writing Excellence > Tutorials & Guides > Grammar & Writing Guides > Active & passive voice] into all [Try to eliminate "all" or "all of"; often the meaning is the same without these words] aspects of life, it should become apart of the working and non-working class life style [The preceding two words are spelled as one word] . With obesity rapidly increasing in the United States due to [Check word usage: This phrase is most accurate in referring to something owed ($5 due) or an arrival time (due at 6:00)--try "because" or "because of"] poor eating habits. Given the that the working class spend behind a desk, the steering wheel or just out, food and activity choices that we [Use "we," "us," or "our" to mean yourself and coauthors, not general humanity (or yourself and the reader)] make on our job can have a big impact [Doctoral rule (although good advice for any academic writer): "impact" is a noun (a hit). It is informally used as a verb (impacting the business), but avoid this in academic writing ] on our health. Healthy eating can come to work. Planning is the key. In this paper I will help you [Word choice. In academic writing, second person (you and your) should be replaced with a third person pronoun (he, she, it, one, and they). ] [Eliminate second person (you, your) in academic documents and avoid addressing the reader directly. Use third-person pronouns (he, she, it, they)] prepare healthy meals at work by giving you [Do not use second person in academic writing.] [second person] ideas on ways to be more healthy during your [Do not use second person in academic writing.] [second person] workday.

Eating Healthy food in the workplace is only part the most important thing you [Do not use second person in academic writing.] [second person] can do to make sure that your [Do not use second person in academic writing.] [second person] body is in tip-top shape. With hours of sitting, staring at a computer, or a job with work-related stress can take a toll on your [Do not use second person in academic writing.] body. You [Do not use second person in academic writing.] can reduce all of [Word choice. To eliminate redundancy (using two or more words that mean...

References: Siebenaler, Mary Jo. (2006) Healthy Eating in the Workplace. Retrieved from: www.marshfieldhealthylifestyles.org
Magee Elaine, MPH, RD (2010). Easy, Healthy Workplace Snacks. Retrieved from: www.webmd.com/diet/fratures/easy-health-workplace.snacks
Mind, Body & soul. (2010). Wired of Health. Retrieved From: www.mindbodysoul.gov.uk/eating/bgh.html
COM 150
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