The Educated Single Mother

Topics: Mother, Parent, Father Pages: 9 (3720 words) Published: May 1, 2008
The Educated Single Mother
“A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.” (Mermillod) This quote emphasizes one of the many meanings of the word “mother”. This quote can especially relate to single mothers. When faced with the difficulty of raising a child by yourself, you sometimes have to play the role of mom and dad. Mothers may never be able to fill the void of the missing father, but given the chances, they will try. To say the least, being a parent means taking care of your child everyday, knowing everyday occurrences, and learning about them from their expressions and behavior. Raising a healthy, well rounded, respectful, and intelligent child is every mother’s goal. There is so much personal reward in learning about your child and growing with them. The reward becomes ten fold when mothers do it alone. Being a single mother myself, I have done my best to make my daughter’s life as level as possible because of her loss. My child’s father left when she was 16 months old. Her father did not run off to never return or call. He simply moved out of the house and has every other weekend visitation. He is what I classify as a “weekend dad”. Although he is a good dad when he has her, I would not consider him a parent. I have taken the duty of a single parent running a house, working, going to school, and raising my daughter. Although I have a number of obligations, my first priority is to raise my daughter to be the best woman she can be, despite her situation. I do not want my daughter to develop emotional problems because she grew up in a single parent household. “Emotional intelligence is a set of skills learned from early childhood on- mainly from our parents” (Neilson 5). With that said, we, as single mothers, should be educated on the development of children in single parent households to help our children through hard times. Parents who ignore the fact that their children could suffer from the loss of their father are going to make it even harder for the children. If the parent’s don’t acknowledge there are problems, how is a vulnerable child going to be able to cope with the stress from their problems? As mothers, we can begin to help our children through these times by being educated about our children’s development. During my research on this subject I came across a book that caught my attention unlike any other book has in a while. It was written by Neil Kalter, Ph.D., psychologist and psychiatry at the University of Michigan. The book is called Growing up with Divorce: Helping your child Avoid Immediate and Later Emotional Problems. This book is remarkable in covering all aspects of a divorce or break up involving children. It covers the different stages of divorce and how each stage affects the child at their particular stage in their development. What I found particularly valuable were the use of many different situations. When you research this material, there is an abundance of research that leads to poverty. This book contributes to everyday situations that everyday people go through whether in poverty or wealth. Regardless of economic status, some issues with divorce and break ups are inevitable. Although infants may be the most difficult to care for, helping them cope seems to be easiest when they are still so little. This may be because they don’t understand about divorce or breaking up. All they know during a divorce or breakup is environmental changes. Even though she doesn’t know why, she can feel that you do not have as much time to spend with her. Now you have to take care of the cleaning, laundry, shopping, and cooking alone. Also, when she spends time with her dad it will most likely be in a place that she is not familiar to being in with him. Any change that takes place a baby’s life is one that you as a mother have to help them adjust. One way to help your daughter healthfully adjust to this change is to keep her life as consistent as possible....
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