The Day I Became a Mother
The Day My Life Changed forever
I had been awaiting her arrival for a long 9 months. Saying I was over ridden with joy was an untruth I was afraid to bare, So I put on a smile and pretended that the arrival of my first child was going to be a good experience. Truth be told I knew my life was about to change forever and I wasn't sure I was going to be a good mother. All these doubts running through my mind was almost draining out the pain of the inconsistent contractions in my belly, my head started spinning a little with the what ifs and possibilities of failure heightened by the anticipation of my Daughters arrival. I felt so alone even though I was surrounded by my family, I knew better than anyone that this burden would be mine alone, to bare for a lifetime.
It was October 4th 2006 about 6:30 pm when the first contraction started. I was at home and had just got done eating dinner. It was the beginning of evening, and the sky was still bright from the sunset behind the mountains. The skies were almost clear with just a few clouds
overhead. The house was calm and quiet, unlike the storm brewing inside my mind. Carried away and consumed in my own thoughts and fears, I almost didn't even notice the pain from the first contraction. I kept on with the clean up from dinner ignoring what I feared for more than 9 months, but when the second one came, my fear and knowledge of what was to come nearly consumed me. I immediately ignored the contractions and decided for a brief moment that it was gas and I was just imagining things. I decided that I would continue my house work and see how long I could go without informing my [then] husband. So I started to organize and straighten things in the house all the while my mind was going 300 miles per hour. I was consumed with worry and guilt because I knew that the truth of the situation was I was not ready to be a mother. I wanted more from my life then to just be a mother and a wife. I wanted a career, education, and
I had been awaiting her arrival for a long 9 months. Saying I was over ridden with joy was an untruth I was afraid to bare, So I put on a smile and pretended that the arrival of my first child was going to be a good experience. Truth be told I knew my life was about to change forever and I wasn't sure I was going to be a good mother. All these doubts running through my mind was almost draining out the pain of the inconsistent contractions in my belly, my head started spinning a little with the what ifs and possibilities of failure heightened by the anticipation of my Daughters arrival. I felt so alone even though I was surrounded by my family, I knew better than anyone that this burden would be mine alone, to bare for a lifetime.
It was October 4th 2006 about 6:30 pm when the first contraction started. I was at home and had just got done eating dinner. It was the beginning of evening, and the sky was still bright from the sunset behind the mountains. The skies were almost clear with just a few clouds
overhead. The house was calm and quiet, unlike the storm brewing inside my mind. Carried away and consumed in my own thoughts and fears, I almost didn't even notice the pain from the first contraction. I kept on with the clean up from dinner ignoring what I feared for more than 9 months, but when the second one came, my fear and knowledge of what was to come nearly consumed me. I immediately ignored the contractions and decided for a brief moment that it was gas and I was just imagining things. I decided that I would continue my house work and see how long I could go without informing my [then] husband. So I started to organize and straighten things in the house all the while my mind was going 300 miles per hour. I was consumed with worry and guilt because I knew that the truth of the situation was I was not ready to be a mother. I wanted more from my life then to just be a mother and a wife. I wanted a career, education, and