4 November 2010
Aaaah, Aaaah, Aaaah, Aaaah, Stayin’ Alive
When asked what people fear the most in a national survey, the number one answer was public speaking. I call hogwash. The threat of zombie apocalypse should be the instant answer. I don’t know about other people but I‘ve seen the movies. Humans are one failed attempt at curing cancer away from losing our heads, because zombies eat brains. Nothing in this world should be scarier than facing that prospect. In these dark times of fear and uncertainty, it is always handy to know what to do. As with any other state emergency, the zombie apocalypse is no different; humans must stick to their “how to” and survive.
Obviously, the first (and best) course of action is to prevent the problem altogether. That means no catching rage viruses from monkeys, no messing with human genetics in order to create “super” soldiers, no attempting to cure cancer by infecting people with viruses that kill cancer and certainly, no contracting of hyper-rabies. They say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. That’s what we’re working with here folks. Keep zombies from happening, and we won’t need to deal with the problem. Assuming the worst has come to worst you’re now under the threat of brain eating, let us move on to the action plan. Keep a clear head and remember the plan. Nothing spells a quick death faster than panics favorite prey: logic. Always be aware of Clements 2
where the closest weapon shop is. For some it will be their homes. However, many won’t have been so prepared. So grab your car find the nearest gun shop, break in, and take as many weapons and as much ammo as you can safely carry to your car. Then, with all your newfound armaments find the closest grocery store and load up on as much food as you can now fit into your vehicle. Now it’s on to phase two. Unless you are unfortunate enough to be at ground zero when the news hits of the zombie...