Samberg Class Day Speech

Topics: Nobel Prize, Bill Clinton, Graduation Pages: 2 (640 words) Published: April 16, 2013
Students, faculty, parents, grandparents, uncles that weren’t invited but showed up anyway. Handsome young janitors who are secretly math geniuses, and the homeless guy from with honors. My name is Andy Samberg and I am as honored to be here as I am unqualified. There is a storied history of incredible Class Day speakers here at Harvard. Nobel Prize laureate Mother Teresa, former U.S. President Bill Clinton and now me the fake-rap-wiener-songs guy.

So. Here we go. Class of 2012. You are graduating from college. That means this is the first day of the last day of your life – no that’s wrong – this is the last day, of the first day, of school – no! That’s worse. Ppppph ah – this is a day.

You know I to, turned to Websters Dictionary and ah, it defined Harvard as: The season for gathering crops. Admittedly, that’s actually the definition of Harvest but it was the closest word I could find to Harvard that wasn’t proper noun. In the end isn’t that what Harvard is really about though. Planting the seeds of knowledge that eventually produce crops a.k.a money, in order to satisfy the farmers and your parents who pay like $45,000 crops a year to send you to Harvest just so you can major in women’s agriculture, see what I’m doing.

Before we move on, the world outside of Harvard asked me to make a quick announcement, the following majors are apparently useless as of tomorrow:

All things related to art
Social studies
East Asian studies
Pretty much anything that ends with studies
Ah romance languages
And and ah finally folklore and mythology

Come on guys, just study something useful and play World of Warcraft in your free time. Okay. Anyhow, all those majors now useless. Unless you can somehow turn them into an iPhone App. Ah Math, and Science majors, you guys are cool, ya. FINALLY!

Ah, class day.. ya know it hard to tell know where life is going to take you from here, what adventures you will go on, what sitcoms you will write...
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