Romantic Attachment Styles: Secure, Avoidant, Anxious, Ambivalent Brittany Hail
Romantic Attachment Styles: 2
Humans have a general need to belong and a fundamental desire to form strong and stable relationships. As we develop, it is necessary for us to experience various levels of positive attachments and establish a variety of types of bonds. Beginning very early on, we are exposed to the very important relationship between the caregiver(s) and the child, which serves the purpose of cultivating security and ensuring survival (Kenrick, Neuberg, & Cialdini, 2007, chp 8). These initial relationships should nurture and comfort us, to ensure that we develop trust and a secure attachment style. Throughout our life, it is necessary that we develop a few secure and emotionally powerful close friendships and romantic relationships. “A significant person factor that seems to impact [our friendships and] romantic relationships is the attachment style. Empirical research supports the notion that the way people relate to others in a romantic sense depends on the early socialization experiences, particularly attachment to their mothers. These attachment styles are outlined as secure, avoidant, and anxious/ambivalent. [A] secure attachment style [means that a person] finds it relatively easy to get close to others and [is] comfortable depending on [others] and having [others] depend on [them]. [They] do not often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting close to [them]. [An] avoidant attachment style [means that a person is] somewhat uncomfortable being close to others. [They] find it difficult to trust [others] completely and difficult to allow [themselves] to depend on [others]. [They are] nervous when [others] get too close and love partners, often, want [them] to be more intimate than [they] feel comfortable being. [An] anxious/ambivalent attachment style [means that they] find that others are reluctant to get as close as [they] would like. [They] often worry that [their] partner does not really love [them] or will not want to stay with [them]. Romantic Attachment Styles: 3 [They] want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away. People with "secure" attachment styles tend to enjoy long-lasting, more satisfying romantic relationships…” (Argosy University, 2012). However, people with people with avoidant, anxious, or ambivalent attachment styles tend to find deep attachments difficult or long-term commitments demanding. Based review of the above descriptions of the three romantic attachment styles, I find that I most relate to and can best described by elements of all three attachment styles: secure, avoidant, and anxious/ambivalent. In general, and in everyday social situations, the avoidant attachment style, which is “…marked by defensive detachment from the other”, would best describe me (Kenrick, Neuberg, & Cialdini, 2007, chp 8). When I first meet new people, I can, sometimes, be very nervous, closed, and shy. With new relationships/friendships, I am very cautious of the motives of others and am often hesitant to get too close, too quickly, with most people. Typically, I have a hard time trusting others and, often, keep them at a distance, in order to observe them. In most of my relationships, it is very hard for me to depend on others because I don’t like to relinquish control and feel I will be let down, disappointed, or taken advantage of. In certain situations, I find that I use my intuition and instincts to decide which people to avoid and which ones to move towards....