psych 150 study guide
Exam 4 Study Guide
Boundaries, Chapters 7-12
Chapter 7
· Unforgiving people o If you don’t forgive, you are demanding something your offender doesn’t choose to give, even if it is only a confession of what he did. o This ties him to you and ruins boundaries.
· Signs of a lack of boundaries (triangulation, second fiddle, etc.) o Catching the virus: When your relationship with one person has the power to affect your relationship with others. You are giving one person way too much power in your life. o Second fiddle: Common sign of a lack of boundaries with the family of origin – the spouse feels like he gets leftovers. o May I have my allowance, please? Not yet being an adult financially. Not sure if he wanted to forsake the gifts and handouts for a greater sense of independence. o Mom, where are my socks? In perpetual child syndrome, a person may be financially on his own, but allows his family of origin to perform certain life management functions. o Three’s a Crowd: Dysfunctional families are known for a certain type of boundary problem called triangulation. It goes like – person A is angry at person B. Person A does not tell person B. Person A calls person C and gripes about person B. Person C enjoys person A’s confidence and listens whenever A wants to play the triangle game. Etc…. o Who’s the child here, anyhow? Children taking care of their parents. o But I’m your brother: Grown sibling relationship.
· Codependents and codependency o Some people were born to take care of their parents. They did not sign up for this duty; they inherited it. o Codependents have a difficult time establishing boundaries between themselves and their irresponsible parents.
· Steps in the resolution of boundary problems o Identify the symptom o Identify the conflict o Identify the need that drives the conflict o Take in a receive the good o Practice boundary skills o Say no to the bad o Forgive the aggressor o Respond, don’t react o Learn to love in
Boundaries, Chapters 7-12
Chapter 7
· Unforgiving people o If you don’t forgive, you are demanding something your offender doesn’t choose to give, even if it is only a confession of what he did. o This ties him to you and ruins boundaries.
· Signs of a lack of boundaries (triangulation, second fiddle, etc.) o Catching the virus: When your relationship with one person has the power to affect your relationship with others. You are giving one person way too much power in your life. o Second fiddle: Common sign of a lack of boundaries with the family of origin – the spouse feels like he gets leftovers. o May I have my allowance, please? Not yet being an adult financially. Not sure if he wanted to forsake the gifts and handouts for a greater sense of independence. o Mom, where are my socks? In perpetual child syndrome, a person may be financially on his own, but allows his family of origin to perform certain life management functions. o Three’s a Crowd: Dysfunctional families are known for a certain type of boundary problem called triangulation. It goes like – person A is angry at person B. Person A does not tell person B. Person A calls person C and gripes about person B. Person C enjoys person A’s confidence and listens whenever A wants to play the triangle game. Etc…. o Who’s the child here, anyhow? Children taking care of their parents. o But I’m your brother: Grown sibling relationship.
· Codependents and codependency o Some people were born to take care of their parents. They did not sign up for this duty; they inherited it. o Codependents have a difficult time establishing boundaries between themselves and their irresponsible parents.
· Steps in the resolution of boundary problems o Identify the symptom o Identify the conflict o Identify the need that drives the conflict o Take in a receive the good o Practice boundary skills o Say no to the bad o Forgive the aggressor o Respond, don’t react o Learn to love in