Satirical Essay by Devin Linn
"Is cosmetic surgery worth it?" Who gives a hooter. I think the real issues people have with cosmetic surgery stem from their own self consciousness and shortcomings, or out of anger-laden fear that they themselves may not be what society considers "beautiful" or “perfect”, or that other people are buying their beauty, thus gaining an unfair advantage. So out of frustration and pseudo-morality, people sometimes take stances on things that don’t pertain to them, and they don't understand. Then, they support these stances with their crackpot religions or backwater upbringing. Does getting plastic surgery make you a bad person? Well, do tattoos make you a bad person? Piercing holes in your skin? Starring in pornography? Being polygamous? Dropping acid? How about homosexuality? Absolutely not, to any and all of these. None of these things are necessarily bad, although you may think so at first, depending on the morals that most people simply "have" and don't stop to consider. Getting plastic surgery, although in certain circumstances may not be a wise decision, is a personal decision. As long as your actions don't directly harm other people, there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. The same goes for tattoos, drug use, selling your body, having three wives, or loving someone of the same sex. Quite simply, these things are personal decisions that, when done responsibly, never hurt anyone. Get your nose out of other people's genitalia. You don't belong there.
One may argue, "But, but! The girl who got a boob job was hired simply for her looks, and I wasn't! It's unfair! Why should she get the competitive edge?" Don't blame that on the boob job. Blame it on the dirty old men who hired her. On that note, you may argue that the only reason that people feel the need to improve their looks is due to societal conditioning. To which I say, OKAY, B.F. Skinner. So, you're going to complain that people are vain, and...
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