Encounters: Journal Entry #1
“Why did I marry?”
Lies, insecurity and perhaps self-esteem are a driving force for Othello to question his reality. Othello’s judgment seems to be clouded by self doubt, for example, “By the world, I think my wife be honest and think she is not. I think that thou art just and think thou art not” (Act 3, 395). He knows that his wife is faithful but he is uncertain of that fact. This suggests that perhaps Othello is not as confident or perfect as he was deemed to be in act one, “If you do find me foul in her report […] Not only take away, but let your sentence even fall upon my life”( Act 1, 117). This showing of imperfection can only insinuate that reality sometimes may not be what we think it is because Othello had no slight doubt about Desdemona’s loyalty to him. His willingness to die if found guilty not only solidifies his courageous character but also hints the kind of man he is; firm believer of truth. Othello’s question reveals the insecurities and self doubt he has about himself. The question seems to be a paradox about his life because it is not directed to any one in particular or to anything to that matter. At surface level the question may be in conjunction to his marriage to Desdemona but it is not because it causes him to even question his own character, reputation and ultimately his beliefs. A lie forces Othello to see reality as non-existent because one moment Iago is a villain and next moment a dearest friend who becomes a lieutenant. This sudden disappearance of reality is a revelation to Othello’s weak self-esteem because he fears that “Desdemona’s infidelity” would devastate his reputation and therefore belittle him in the public eye, “Farewell! Othello’s occupation’s gone” (Act 3,365). Could it be that Othello’s biggest flaw is his alter ego? As he fears that his true colors are starting to be visible in the public eyes. In conclusion, it is not the present Othello is after with his question...
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