My Life, Past, Present, and Future
Nov. 14th 2011
My Life Page 1
My Life: Past, Present, and Future
Stupid! No good for nothing! I hate you! These are the things that I heard on a daily basis growing up. There was never a dull moment in my house. Despite all of that, I have persevered, and I will continue to do so. I have goals that I have reached, and goals that I still want to meet, and despite how I was raised; and all of the negative things I was taught to believe bout myself, I will reach them. I may have been told I was no good every day of my life, and told that I would never amount to anything, but that does not mean that I have to believe it, and I will succeed despite it.
I grew up in Louisville, Ky. Born and raised here, I still live in the same neighborhood as I did as a child. I lived with my parents, and three brothers. I was the third born, and although I was the baby for eight whole years; I was never treated like it. Instead, all I remember about growing up is all of the mental abuse me and my brothers had to go through. Although very beautiful, my mom was extremely men. She was raised in New York, and is full blooded Italian. Picture a bitter woman with a New York accent. That was my mom. She did not show love to any of her children, not ever. Her dogs were the only things that she had any affection for. They were her real children. My mother showed no love for us, and also no concern. At 5 years old, I was able to stay out until 10, 11, 12 at night, most of the time my parents not even realizing I was gone, or if they did realize, they did not care. While my mom didn’t care because she was just a men woman, my dad didn’t care, because the only thing he cared about was her. He ate, slept, and breathed her, almost to the point of obsession. The sad thing is that, although he would do absolutely anything for her, I never saw her give anything back to him in return.
My mother always did, and still does, only care about herself. She would spend her money on herself, always having to look her best; she would buy the most expensive clothes and etc.; while her kids ran around in hand-me-down rags. I don’t recall her ever buying me a new outfit at all, not ever. Not even for Christmas did I ever get anything from her. We basically didn’t even celebrate that holiday. I guess it was because she didn’t want to get us anything. Until I was a grown man, and had a family of my own. I never had a good Christmas. My mom’s whole goal in life seemed to be putting her children down and making them believe they would never become anything useful. If she saw any of us even a little bit happy, it was her job to squash it; and she was great at her job. Growing up, I remember always trying to earn her affection, or get just a minute of positive attention from her. I would give her gifts, flowers, and My Life Page 2
Cards, but none of that ever mattered, and none of that ever worked. To this day she hasn’t told me that she loves me, instead, the only thing I her from her on a regular basis is how she should have never had me and killed me in her womb. Can you imagine how words like that made me feel as a child? I felt that if my own mother didn’t love me, then nobody ever would. It reminds me of Bronfenbrenners ring system, the Microsystem to be more exact. The Microsystem was the one that consisted of things such as our family, and how the way we were treated by them made them the person we are today. Bronfenbrenner believed that the environment or “systems” in which a person lives influence them to varying degrees. (Bronfenbrenner, 2010, Adult...
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