My Influences

…I had just left almost two years of intense mindfulness training at the Rochester Zen Center. I was working at a local YMCA as acting lead teacher for a pre-kindergarten class. The children, ages 4 and 5, were for the most part ethnic minorities and many came from high-risk, single-parent households. For many I was the primary male figure in their lives, a responsibility that was not lost on me, and the work I did with the children felt very meaningful. The memories that stand out are times where my emphasis on discipline, combined with emotional support and validation, produced not only behavioral changes for the better but also a palpable sense of appreciation from my students. If I am remembered by any of the children I hope that what they remember is my emphasis on the guiding idea that “it's alright to be mad but not to be mean.” The most noteworthy activity was to sit down one-on-one in a supportive, nonjudgmental atmosphere free from punishment or shame where we would talk about what they were going through. In an imaginary world we would give free reign to what they were feeling. Here, aggression soon turned to sadness and remorse, often followed by dramatic behavioral changes where defiance and acting out ceased, replaced by a sense of normalcy and harmony with the rest of the class. The children seemed to intuitively grasp and appreciate the idea that feelings are all right, it’s what we do with them that can be troublesome. It did not take long before the children became comfortable expressing feelings to me directly. Sometimes they would say, “I’m mad at you Mr. Johannes, you raised your voice and I don’t like that.” I would respond, “ I get that, I don’t like it when people raise their voices with me either, but because you kicked your friend there, I need you to have those feelings towards me while you sit in time-out over here.” I took great joy in living into their worlds and seeing how they lit up when they felt fully accepted and understood