Lifeboat

Lifeboat. As the music filled my ears with joy I could feel nothing more than the ecstasy I was in. It was as if nothing else in the world mattered. The world could end and I wouldn't care. I could feel the beauty of the sound of Christian music in my heart it inspired me in such a way that no one else could understand ever the way i feel. I was beautiful, the world was beautiful, probably as beautiful as the way I feel. Then the world got quite, I got quite. This was the first time I can say I truly heard music. My name is Aslhy, like an ash tree meadow. I was the girl who was walking the wrong path. I was separated from my family when I was five and came here to the United States. My mom had gotten married, while I watched my step dad beat her and prostitude her, years passes by. John his son, a tall, monster like who took my pride and that little girl I was. Having to live in a shelter for months, i was depressed, lost, confused and took the hands of the wrong people to "help" me. Deep down i had faith when I heard the word of God through music. The first moment I put on my headphones and pressed play on my ipod. The song playing was “One thing remains by Kristian Stanfill each word became imprinted into my memory. I knew what was missing from my hollow life. It felt like it was a whole new world and I finally opened my eyes and just stepped into this world that as perfect and everything else around me lost its importance while I got lost in its trance. It was a feeling that just took everything that was wrong, messed up, confusing, and painful inside of me and transformed it into something that I knew for the first time was right. The pain was still there but I found a way to just keep these dreadful questions that brought me so much pain every time I heard “Are you OK?” and “Do you wanna talk?” I knew that there was something wrong but to everyone else I just seemed like another quiet kid who just didn't have friends and maybe I was, I honestly don't even know. I felt as long as I had music to keep myself from the self-destruct button, that I would find some form of happiness no matter how little it was. Music to me wasn't just a form of relief, it was a way for me to express something anything maybe not to other people but to myself so that I knew I had some type of feeling and that I was even normal. It is my life raft. I stuck to christian music as if it was the key for me to make it in this world and it worked. It kept me dry till one day a hurricane came and almost drowned me and in this violent storm and I lost my way. I stopped following the music and I guess somewhere along the line I took the my "ways" back and fell into this horrible hellhole and went too far down. One day i woke up and asked myslef "who am I"? I knew that I had to have hope and follow the word of God and motivate me and change my life and guide me. Here in this world I realized that christian music was going to be able to be my life raft I looked around and found that this muisc was my motivation, my strength, and would tell me not to give up. I was grateful that I did, I flipped over my lifeboat and just continued to stroll along. As the days, weeks, months, and years went on that I talked and gained new friends, I found that my life was becoming less and less needed as people were finally starting to accept me for me. The darkness and pain are still there, locked up deep inside where no one can hear there violent screams but now I know that I have more than just my music and lifeboat because when another storm comes, I have others who can help me survive.