John And Shau's Relationship

Committed relationships can be mysterious things, acting almost as a third entity that grows and lives around two people. As an outside observer, it can be difficult to understand what makes a relationship thrive or struggle. Due to this mysteriousness, having the opportunity to analyze the relationship of an admired couple can bring a great deal of insight. Recently, I interviewed a couple that I respect and love dearly, my older brother, John Willis, and his wife, Shau Shau Lin Willis. Whenever I question what type of relationship I want or whether a potential partner may be the right person for me, John and Shau Shau’s relationship is an important standard of comparison. This standard of comparison exists because their relationship has
Due to the busy schedules of all involved, the interview was conducted via Skype. We selected a time over the weekend when neither John or Shau Shau were on call at their respective jobs the children were at the museum with their nanny, Brandy. During the approximately hour and a half long interview, the couple sat at their kitchen table, dressed in casual, comfortable clothes. Due to having to appear on web cam, they sat quite close together. Because this was not really an organic choice of seating arrangements, I do not believe it necessarily reflects anything significant about their dynamic. The interview was a comfortable process and they seemed open to discussing most areas of their relationship. Both of them tended to discuss their relationship in a pragmatic, manner, focusing more on facts than vague emotional or psychological concepts. Generally speaking, John tended to guide the conversation more when it came to factual information while Shau Shau seemed to have greater insight on more emotional areas. Also, John tended to be a bit sarcastic and dismissive about some of the questions, giving the impression that he views psychology and the social sciences as less valid compared to medical or biological sciences. Despite this, I still gained a great deal of insight into what has helped them create a strong and durable foundation for their
SOCIAL PENETRATION THEORY holds that, as relationships deepen, the breadth and depth of conversation topics increase, allowing each person to learn more about the other (Miller, p. 156). This process of self-disclosure helped John and Shau Shau learn that both of them valued and sought many of the same things in a partner. They share overall attitudes on politics and religion with neither placing an excessive emphasis on either area. Financial matters and management of money are also an area that they share similar attitudes about, preferring to be practical rather than extravagant. Of the values that John and Shau Shau share, commitment is the most important. From the beginning, neither of them were interested in dating someone casually and, as they grew closer, they felt that their relationship had the potential to be special. After less than a year, they decided to move in together and a shared intention to commit to the relationship and get married was clearly present at this time. Miller explains in Intimate Relationships that, cohabitation can serve as a predictive factor for divorce, but is mitigated by a clear intention of commitment (p. 399). Undoubtedly, this strong sense of commitment has been invaluable as time has gone on. The first year of their