Family expectations influence and determine who we become
“Family expectations influence and determine who we become”
When we are born, we are not born with a set of values and expectations, so we learn them from our parents or from the adults who raise us. We learn not only through these adults teaching us, we learn by example and by watching and observing others. As we grow up and get to an age that we can understand what values are, we can begin to assume them. However, we also can reject those values and expectations as children and young adults for many reasons, from doing so simply to be difficult to doing so knowing that we have done wrong, but want to see what it is like anyway. Since we spend the most time with our families, they are the primary adults who influence our values and expectations for ourselves. The family is a child’s first role model. Not only do we set examples for them and guide them in how to make good choices, we must also give them the opportunity to make important choices while they still have the safety net of the family to catch them.
If our parents bring up the children who don’t learn any values and expectations
Family Expectations:
Education
Marry within the culture/grandkids
Unconditional obedience
Friends – perceptions of opposite sex
Gender roles/expectations
Girls
Boys
No boyfriends till 17, must be married by 18
Be ‘manly’ – tough, smart, problem solver, strong
Look after kids
Start a family
Maintain household
Bring money home/good job
Expected to take the man’s surname > belongs with him
Provider
Should not dress like harlots
Knows how to cook
Look after the budget?
Knows what he wants
Should be obedient/supportive of their partner
Having a son
No pre-marital sex
Influential
Expected to be more emotional
Mojo
Sexual orientation
Decent job
Respectful of elders and women
Different expectation of each sibling depending on their ‘order of being’
Eg: be a role model to younger siblings
When we are born, we are not born with a set of values and expectations, so we learn them from our parents or from the adults who raise us. We learn not only through these adults teaching us, we learn by example and by watching and observing others. As we grow up and get to an age that we can understand what values are, we can begin to assume them. However, we also can reject those values and expectations as children and young adults for many reasons, from doing so simply to be difficult to doing so knowing that we have done wrong, but want to see what it is like anyway. Since we spend the most time with our families, they are the primary adults who influence our values and expectations for ourselves. The family is a child’s first role model. Not only do we set examples for them and guide them in how to make good choices, we must also give them the opportunity to make important choices while they still have the safety net of the family to catch them.
If our parents bring up the children who don’t learn any values and expectations
Family Expectations:
Education
Marry within the culture/grandkids
Unconditional obedience
Friends – perceptions of opposite sex
Gender roles/expectations
Girls
Boys
No boyfriends till 17, must be married by 18
Be ‘manly’ – tough, smart, problem solver, strong
Look after kids
Start a family
Maintain household
Bring money home/good job
Expected to take the man’s surname > belongs with him
Provider
Should not dress like harlots
Knows how to cook
Look after the budget?
Knows what he wants
Should be obedient/supportive of their partner
Having a son
No pre-marital sex
Influential
Expected to be more emotional
Mojo
Sexual orientation
Decent job
Respectful of elders and women
Different expectation of each sibling depending on their ‘order of being’
Eg: be a role model to younger siblings