Drinking: A Short Story

PARTY
"Oh my god, I am so drunk", I hear someone shout out above the crowd. I stop for a second and think to myself. "Wait a second, why am I drinking?" my friend comes up and hands me a beer and says, "Hey wimp drink up!" So I figure, hey why not. Two o'clock roles around and I am feeling like I drank myself stupid, which I have. All of a sudden I realize I have my dad's truck, and he needs it in about three hours. So little time, what am I going to do? Here are some easy steps to sober up quickly, that even a drunk can follow.

First, I know I am hungry, so go get some food dummy! Food is the first thing I need to think of. As someone starts drinking, the food in their stomach begins to absorb the alcohol. When the food has become saturated, the body then begins to absorb the alcohol, hence the feeling of drunkenness. Therefore when I have eaten a lot it takes me a long time to get drunk. I need to get food in me to soak up the alcohol, like a sponge. I look through the fridge trying to find leftovers, hoping to find anything to eat. I know I need to eat until I am full, so next I move on to
I have to keep a level head. Am I still drunk; if the answer is yes, I have two choices. One is to just forget it; I'm not going home. I will face my dad tomorrow, just call him now and let him know I'm not coming home. The other choice is to find two sober people I trust. One of them can driver me and the truck back to my place, and of course, if one of them is a pretty lady, she can stay the night. The other person can pick the first one up. If I am not drunk, I have two choices. The first is to risk it and drive myself home, but this is very dangerous. I never drive home alone if I have been drinking. The other choice is to find a sober driver, and ask them to follow me home. They can't do much, other than to keep me alert to my driving skills. After all of the trouble I need to get the truck home, so I make it