By: Victoria Summer Parks
Please be aware before you read that if you have already encountered a bear and had your head ripped off then this will be at no help to you and you should stop reading now. To those of you that are reading this for entertainment, I want to ensure you that bear attacks are a serious matter and many of you walk through the woods not knowing what dangers await you. The horrifying truths of the woods start with bear attacks. You may think they are rare now, but in reality bears are large hairy monsters just waiting for a chance to rip your head off and lurk through your trashcans. I hold right here the steps of survival and the tools you will need to not get your head ripped off. If you continue to read then please follow every step accordingly and do not wonder off or skip a step.
The first thing you need to know is the tools to not get your head ripped off by a bear. The first thing you must never forget is a cool head. I am not saying to stick your head into a freezer for one hour and walk around in the woods. A cool head simply means to stay calm. When you see the ferocious bear you will want to run off screaming like a little girl, which will result in you tripping over your own two feet and getting your head ripped off. The second tool you will need is extremely good acting skills. If you can outsmart your dumbest friend, then you sure can outsmart a bear. If you need some help on your acting I am sure you can go to Books-A-Million and buy Breaking into Acting for Dummies for only about $16.00. The last tool you will need is a new pair of underwear. When even the biggest man faces this beast he will not be able to hold the pee in. Don’t be embarrassed of the new wet spot that surrounds that area, because it is completely normal and we all understand. Some optional tools you might want to consider is a killer right hook and a large, abnormal pet that can eat the bear.
Now that you...