First They Killed My Father.. quotes
Death and Revenge:
* P 146 - I hate the soldiers... I etch their faces into my memory and plan for the day when I come back and kill them. * P 159 – We are all different now... I am sad and many days I wish I am dead. * P 143 – My hate empowers and scares me... Rage makes me want to survive. * P 251 – Holding on to my hate for the Khmer Rouge soldiers also allows me to go on living the mundane details of life. * P 168 – I need the new memories that make me angry to replace the old ones that make me sad. My rage makes me want to live just to come back and take my revenge. * P 142- ... My stomach hurts so much I want to cut it open and take the poison out. * P 167 – I occupy mu mind with thoughts of revenge and massacre. * P 146 - ... Plan for the day when I can come back and kill them. * P 157 – I am going to kill them on.
* P 132 - ... Hunger and death have numbered our spirits. It is as if we have lost all our energy for life. * P 139 – There is so much hate and rage inside me now. The Angkar has taught me to hate so deeply that I now know I have the power to destroy and kill. * P 227 – My rage made me strong and resilient... Now, however, enclosing the memories in my heart and mind is unendurable
Family and Insecurity:
* P 5 – I don’t understand this, but I like the smile he gives me... I believe everything Pa tells me. * P 305 – Chou always asked about what I was doing – I never wrote back. * P 143 - To hope is to let pieces of myself die. To hope is to grieve his absence and acknowledge the emptiness in my soul without him. * P 262 - ... Everything about Khouy gives you the impression of hardness. * P 157 - ... Helpless and unable to protect his own family. * P 156 – They have hurt you, my poor little monkey.
* P 84 – Kim knows he has to endure their cruelty to help feed his family. * P 122 - ... To protect myself, I often have to rub dirt and charcoal on my skin to look as dark as the band base people. * P 5 – I believe everything Pa tells me.
* P 161 – You are just too much work for me! I want you to leave. * P 281 – Meng... Your life is not your own anymore. You have a family to take care of. * P 302 – Don’t worry. Wherever you go, I will find you. * P 298 – Being a Christian will help us get sponsors faster. * P 26 – The only thing I am afraid of is my brother Khouy... I fantasise about how much I hate him. I cannot wait until I am strong and as big as he is. * P 119 – I stay more and more to myself.
* P 160 – If we stay together, we will die together.
* P 293 – With ashen faces, some of the younger, prettier girls reach into the bags we have vomited into and scoop out handfuls of it to smear on their hair and clothes. * P 147 – Life is so hard without Pa.
* P 151 – Yet I fear for Kim’s safety.
* P 5 – Pa always defends me – to everybody.
* P 53 – Why can’t we go home to our own house?
* P 54 – I don’t care much about politics. All I know is that I am supposed to act dumb and never speak of our lives in the city. * P 97 – My heart feels as if an animal has clawed it out. I try to muster a smile, so I can send my sister on her way with a final picture of hope. * P 178 – I am alone here, even though I eat the same food and sleep in the same hut with eighty girls. * P 226 - ... Most of all I cry for Kim.
* P 137 – In my heart I know the truth, but my mind cannot accept the reality of what this all means. * P 96 - ... He wears a mask of courage that stretches tight over his inflexible face. * P 160 - ... If they cannot find us, they cannot kill us... her words stab my heart like a thousand daggers. * P 3 – The most troublesome child
* P 148 – I see Ma in a very different light now and have more pride in her strength Khmer Rouge
* P 36 – Destroyers of things
* P 209 – Their faces flood my consciousness.
* P 24 - ... They’re not...
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