The Borders on Our Backs

Topics: Statement, Revision, Sentence Pages: 2 (592 words) Published: February 26, 2013
Angelica M. Moreira Garcia
English 101
Due date: 02/13/2013
Activity 3: Comparison-Contrast (Revising Activities)
1. Of the statements that follow, which would not make effective thesis statements for comparison-contrast essays? Identify the problem(s) in the faulty statements and revise them accordingly.

Although their classroom duties often overlap, teacher aides are not as equipped as teachers to handle disciplinary problems. This college provides more assistance to its students than most schools. During the state's last congressional election, both candidates relied heavily on television to communicate their messages. There are many differences between American and foreign cars.

Statements 2 and 4 would not make effective thesis statements for comparison-contrast essays. Statement 2 it has the name of the subject as statement 4 but both don't make clear the main point as statement 1 and 4. Even when both statements 2 and 4 have indicated whether they are similar, different or both and named the subjects that would be compared or contrast.

2. The following paragraph is from the draft of an essay detailing the qualities of a skillful manager. How effective is this comparison -contrast paragraph? What revisions would help focus the paragraph on the point made in the topic sentence ? Where should details be added or deleted? Rewrite the paragraph, providing necessary transitions and details.

Original Paragraph
A manager encourages creativity and treats employees courteously, while a boss discourages staff resourcefulness and views it as a threat. At the hardware store where I work, I got my boss's approval to develop a system for organizing excess stock in the storeroom. I shelved items in roughly the same order as they were displayed in the store. The system was helpful to all the salespeople, not just to me, since everyone was stymied by the boss's helter-skelter system. What he did was store overstocked items according to each...
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