20 January 2015
Love and Respect
Women want to be loved and men want to be respected. In the introduction, Dr. Emerson says love is not enough and he shows us this couple who went to his conference in the right time. They explain how they went to his Love and Respect conference and all of Dr. Emerson’s methods for marriage. The book talks about the crazy cycle, the energizing cycle, and the rewarded cycle.
In part one Dr. Emerson is starting to explain the crazy cycle. Without love, she reacts, and without respect he reacts and it goes in circles. Women just want to be loved by their husbands and they are also tender people. Dr. Emerson goes back in time to his life and he could see his mom crying out for love and his dad desperately wanting respect. Another important part of a marriage communication and deciphering the other spouse’s code. Women look at the world through pink sunglasses and men look at the world through blue sunglasses. In chapter 3, Dr. Emerson explains why she won’t respect him and why he won’t love. Not only should women be loved unconditionally loved, but men should be unconditionally respected.
Part two describes the energizing cycle. This chapter applies the Love and Respect Connection in marriage. Dr. Emerson also shares principles, techniques, and common sense to help husbands and wives how to practice the Love and Respect message on a daily basis. The author uses two acronyms: C-O-U-P-L-E- Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. C-H-A-I-R-S covers advice for wives and includes separate chapters on Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality. It takes hard work to stay on the Energizing Cycle.
Part three talks about the rewarded cycle. It says his love regardless of her respect regardless of his love, etc. Throughout the book Dr. Emerson emphasized that if the husband and wife are both people of basic goodwill, they can use the Love and Respect principles to make a bad marriage into a good one and a good marriage into a great one. But the following questions pop up. What if your husband doesn’t show you love when you how him respect? What if your wife doesn’t show you respect as you show her love? If you get no results from practicing Love and Respect, why bother? The Rewarded Cycle gives you the answers to these questions. The Rewarded Cycle is the most important part of this book. “For from within, out of the heart…proceed…envy, slander, pride, and foolishness” (Mark 7:21-23).
In conclusion, one of the favorite analogies in the Love and Respect Conferences is comparing women and men to pink and blue. Now pink and blue can make God’s purple. Keeping the Crazy Cycle in its cage is really important in a relationship. Prayer is also important. James 4:2 states, “You do not have because you do not ask.” Dr. Emerson ends the book with the prayer of commitment and it is a good way to end.
Koyate 3 Response
When Dr. Emerson comes right out in the beginning of the book and says women need to be loved and husbands need to be respected, I completely agreed with him. Even though I am npt married or engaged I still see the impact of women needing love and men needing respect through my parents. Now I am in no position to judge, but I saw my mom go through two divorces and simply there was no love or respect in the relationship. As I read this book and understand more why my parents divorced and how this method could have helped them.
Now I am in a relationship and some of this does apply to me. First thing that applied to me was communication and deciphering the code. Communication is key in a relationship. When one of us are not talking it could make a situation much worse than it needs to be. Over the months of being best friends with her I have figured out most of her code. For example when she says, “I’m fine” that means there is something wrong. So figuring out the other person’s code and communicating with the other person is really important.
The crazy cycle can easily pop up in a couple’s relationship. Now that I have read this book I can realize that the crazy cycle showed up in my parent’s relationship which cause a divorce. Without love, my mom would react. Without respect, my dad would react. In the relationship I am in now sometimes the crazy cycle appears. For example if I do not show her love and compassion she will definitely let me know.
Dr. Emerson using the two acronyms for husbands was a really important section for husbands. I like how Emerson says the first few seconds set the tone because it is true. If my dad
Koyate 4 came into the house after he or my mom had a long day, all my mom wanted to do was talk face to face with him because she missed him. But one problem would be he did not want to and she would which would drive my mom crazy. This also can apply to me in my relationship. Sometimes we could go for days not seeing each other, and when we finally do see each other I am on my phone or not talking with her. I am pretty sure if I just talk to her face to face she would feel loved and that is important.
In the beginning part three shows the reader persistence and trust. We just have to trust God to work. I think one reasons my parents ended up in divorce was my dad was not a Christian and I do not think my mom had the persistence and trust in God to work in their relationship. I think a big part in a relationship and probably the most important part is the relationship with the person and Jesus Christ. Having a relationship with Christ is most important then comes your spouse. I know sometimes it can be hard especially with me trying to balance work, sports, a girlfriend and my relationship with Christ. But I know my ultimate goal is my relationship with Christ.
In the conclusion Dr. Emerson talks about the whole pink and blue comparisons. I do believe husbands can look at the world with one pair of sunglasses and women can look at the world in completely different sunglasses. The most important part to me is using the pink and blue to make God’s purple. One way Dr. Emerson shows us is through prayer. My girlfriend and I try every night while we are on the phone to set aside for God in a time of prayer. Sometimes it can be hard but overall it will help us both spiritually and make God’s purple.