For what seems an eternity of seconds in an eternity not quite reaching minutes, I am lost in a world of my own doing. Time stands still as I indulge in the emotion of my lips making a tactile connection with my hair. The pleasure is overwhelming. The satisfaction is over stimulating. The desire to pluck is irresistible. In complete disconnection with my awareness, suddenly I find one. This feels like a good one. I test it with my teeth. It is thick. It feels right. Caught in the vice grip of what used to be my incisors but are at this moment no more than simple, ever with me and reliable tools for self sadomasochistic desires, I gently, slowly pull and I pluck. Before long I find a worthy other, and then another, and yet another. Until, unexpectedly my eternity of disconnected awareness comes to an abrupt end. And in this rebirth of my conscious self, I am confronted with what I have been doing. I am confronted with the reality that I am a Trichotillomaniac.
The term Trichotillomania CNM) was first used in 1889 in France. It is a condition that in its early written history was mostly described in medical reports by Dermatologists. The term Trichotillomania was first used by the French Dermatologist Doctor Henri Hallopeaux, (1842-1919), to describe a hair pulling with compulsion he observed in patients he otherwise considered sane. (1) The Word Trichotillomania comes from the Greek. If you break down this term to the roots from the Greek language you have the term thrix which means hair, the term tillein which means to pull and the term mania which means urge, desire, craving, obsession, preoccupation or compulsion. (2) Today, the term Trichotillomania (ttm) is formally defined, by the fourth edition of The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), as the "Recurrent pulling out of one's hair resulting in noticeable hair loss. An Increasing sense of tension immediately before pulling...
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