The Big D

The “Big D”
When I was five years old my parents went through the “Big D”, and I don’t mean Dallas. I was absolutely devastated and I couldn’t even begin to comprehend what had gone wrong. I thought that it must have been my fault, that I hadn’t been a good girl. Of course that wasn’t the case, but I was too young to understand. Now I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks and I know that relationships are all about give and take, and to maintain one people must be willing to do the work. Today dissolution of marriage is being used as the easy way out when couples can no longer agree. Although people tend to think carefully before they get marriage, the rate of divorce is on a continuous rise nowadays. There are three main causes of divorce: lack of communication, financial problems, and adultery, which are explained throughout this essay.
The first significant cause for divorce is lack of communication. A marriage is on the rocks when the line of communication fails. Couples can’t have a good relationship if either spouse won’t discuss his or her feelings, can’t talk about his or her mutual or personal issues, or expect the partner to guess what the problem is about. Without healthy communication, couples have little chance of resolving any conflict that arises during their marriage. This includes conflict of opinion with regards to small issues and bigger ones, like religion, raising or having children, job opportunities and money management.
Another cause of divorce is financial issues. Budget problems and debt arising out of low or reduced income is an example of a financial cause of divorce. A couple struggling to make ends meet has the potential to cause conflict within the marriage. Fighting over how to budget becomes a major issue in the marriage. In many cases one of the partners is not happy with the overspending habits of the other individual. This can cause more stressful situation which leads to an unhealthy relationship and as a result, divorce.
The final and most common cause of divorce is adultery. Adultery is the only biblical reason for a divorce, making it the only reason accepted by God. Matthew 19:9 says, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” Adultery does lead to divorce and is probably the single most damaging thing that can happen to a marriage. Unfortunately, it is also one of the most common problems a married couple will face. The feelings of betrayal never go away for some couples. It can affect trust, friendship, and sex within a marriage. The consequences are devastating and hard to recover.
Divorce not only has a lot of complicated causes, but also has a wide range of effects. The effects of divorce differ by situation and personal circumstance and may be different for men, women or children. Couples facing a marriage break up usually cope with some emotions problems. For example: anger, sadness, anxiety, guilt, loneliness and low self-esteem. Among estranged partners in marriage, these feelings are unavoidable during and after the process of divorce. Couples that are divorce are also saddled with added responsibilities and roles, particularly with regard to the care of children. Each parent has to be both father and mother to the children. Some mothers may even have to go to work to support their children. Financial loss is another effect of divorce. When all the resources have been divided in two and all the lawyer’s fees have been paid out, both parties are usually living lower standards of living than before. Furthermore, in any divorce it is the children who are most likely to be affected psychologically. It is usual for parents with marital problems to think more of their own feelings than of their children. They may have the interest of their children at heart, but the children don’t usually understand that. All the children know is that something is terribly wrong, but they have no idea what it is. How children will take their parent’s divorce will depend on a variety of factors: how old the children are, how amicably the parents handle the separation and eventual divorce, and how much attention both parents give the children.
The lack of communication, financial problems and adultery are some of the main causes that lead to a divorce, and although only one of these are accepted by God it continues to happen daily for more than just one reason. I believe that the majority of people do believe in God and that if they would stay faithful to him, read their bibles, and understand what their role actually is in a marriage, divorce would be much less common around the world.