Sneaking Out Monologue

Sometimes my family annoys the hell out of me. Don’t get me wrong, I love them but, I get tired of the crowdedness of the house and the disrespect I get from the whippersnappers. Just the other day Lou, my grandson, mocked me for the last time. He got spoiled from sleeping on the daybed for as long as him and his wife had. That’s why I took the daybed rights from Lou and Em.

My favorite show, the MacGyver Family, was on that night. I haven’t missed an episode in one hundred and twelve years. However, once it was over I had to use the bathroom. When I knocked Lou called out. Nothing suspicious, but no longer than four seconds later I heard the shattering of a glass bottle. I thought to myself “My anti-gerasone!!!”. With a quick kick, the door
The only thing I wanted was the nice, cold, refreshing taste of a beer. Hell, I might not come back at all. I may just wander until I die, doing whatever I please. That’s why I wrote my family a message and changed my will one last time. I don’t need this stress. Sneaking out was not an easy task at my age, but I did it without anyone waking up to see
I slowly lower myself to the ground. I felt my knee creak as they bent. Unfortunately I had no pillow or cover so I didn’t sleep well at all. That must have been the alcohol telling me what to do because I regretted it as soon as I woke up the next morning. Getting up off the ground was horrid. The popping of my joints hurt me to my core. It felt like electricity shooting towards my hands and feet. I had to walk it off. I wanted another beer so I headed back to the tavern. I took my time with this beer. None of my teams were playing so I watched the news on one of the TV’s. I wasn’t sure if I should laugh, be mad, or feel sorry for the stupidity of the people in the video the news was showing. Then I realized it was my family. I was filled with shame and embarrassment. They were in an all out brawl. They were slinging each other out of what appeared to be my room and using whatever they could to hurt one another. Fists, knees, feet, books, plates, and any other hard object were used to fight for my vacant room. After a while the video showed the cops breaking down the door to arrest my stupid family.. No one was left. Sounded like the perfect time to head back