Short Story 'Saving Christmas Revealed'

SANTA INCORPORATED is a family friendly holiday tale. The goal of saving Christmas is clear. The idea of saving Christmas isn’t considered highly unique, but it’s a tried and true holiday concept that will always be around. However, with that said, to be successful the story should really offer an original point of view or hook.
This script attempts to do this by incorporating a reality show contest for a new Santa. Certainly, the concept has merit, but the overall script would benefit from more development.
First, the story opens with Santa and the elves. The head elf seems to really want to talk to Santa about his role as an elf. However, it’s unclear how this is related to the plot. The elf is never a pivotal character in the script and just seems to vanish. Thus, consider an opening that feels more connected to the
He’s the identified “scrooge” of the story. Or, just the opposite, Penny is a kid who HATES Christmas. This puts the focus more on her.
What feels lacking is the idea of Penny driving the story. While saving Christmas appears to be her external goal, consider elevating this. Find something else she wants for Christmas that means a lot to her. This will help escalate the tension and define the stakes for Penny. Right now the stakes are mild – no Christmas, but the audience needs something more than this.
Put the focus more on Penny versus her father. As structured, it feels more like his goal vs. Penny’s goal. He’s the one who wants to be reunited with his sister. The stakes feel higher for him. He’s the one with the greater inner conflict about his past versus Penny. So maybe the hook is a kid who hates Christmas and she’s the “scrooge” and her father runs a Santa contest to try and get her interested or something like this. He can still have an agenda too. It’s only a suggestion to give the story more focus on