In the United States, researchers estimate that 40%–50% of all first marriages, and 60% of second marriages, will end in divorce. Researchers have identified the most common causes people give for their divorces. A recent national survey found that the top three reasons given for divorce were: “lack of commitment” (73% said this was a major reason), too much arguing (56%) and infidelity (55%). Divorce is both very personal and all too common. There are many myths about divorce; so individuals, at the crossroads of divorce, may benefit by knowing the research facts and common reasons that people give for divorcing.
Commitment is having a long-term view of the marriage that helps us not get overwhelmed by the problems and challenges day to day. When there is high commitment in a relationship, we feel safer and are willing to give more for the relationship to succeed. Commitment is clearly a factor in why some couples stay together and others divorce. Researchers have identified two elements of commitment. The first is constraint commitment. These are things that keep us in the marriage even if things aren’t going so well; for example: social pressure from family or friends, financial worries, children, religious or moral beliefs about divorce, and fear about the future. Constraints can serve the purpose of keeping us from jumping ship when leaks appear in our marriage, as they always do. The second, stronger form of commitment: personal dedication. This involves a real desire to be together with one’s spouse in the future, a sense of we-ness, or an identity as a couple, not just two individuals. When commitment seems to be fading, it can be helpful to remember the good times in the relationship and to talk about your dreams for the future together.
Arguing can be caused by many things and handled in a variety of different ways. Each person has a contrasting definition of marriage and fighting. I think that people with passion and conviction, fight for their...
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