Pole Of Ideals

The pole of ideals is centered on affect regulation (Marmarosh & Mann, 2014). This pole is the desire of an individual to merge with an idealized other; this desire can be unconscious. The idealized other is usually a person from the individuals past, but can be from recent history as well (Marmarosh & Mann, 2014). Flanagan (2016) postulates that the idealizing self object need is the need to “have someone strong, calm, and wonderful to idealize and merge with in order to feel safe and complete within the self” (p. 172). The child needs to witness strength and wonder outside of itself so that it can merge and grow with the other (Flanagan, 2016). When the needs of this pole are met, the individual fosters a healthy sense of internal values, can self-soothe, and can affectively regulate their own emotions (Marmarosh & Mann, 2014).
Truddi is an example of this in that her parents did not soothe her or offer her the feeling of protection or calm. They severely abused her every day, leaving her with fear and the feeling that nowhere was safe (Chase, 1987). Truddi did not idealize her parents and had little contact with other people until she ran away from home, but by then she had already built a mistrust of others (Chase, 1987). Truddi’s pole of ideals was not fulfilled, and because of this she cannot self-regulate (other than when a different personality takes over to shield her from memories of her abuse), is in constant anxiety, and does not feel safe in the world (Marmarosh & Mann,