Personal Narrative: Living Like Eeyore

Living Like Eeyore It was a Tuesday in February when it first happened. Unexpectantly waking up in the morning, realizing that the bottle of pills taken the previous night did not do what the Internet said they would. When you are someone like me, actions and thoughts like this occur on a daily basis. Nobody wants to live this way, constantly dreading each day and hoping the next will bring a stable supply of neurotransmitters like serotonin or dopamine. These chemicals in the brain, when in excess or in insufficient amount, cause depression. As a person with dysthymia (Eeyore Depression), everyday life is a challenge; simple tasks become strenuous, thoughts become askew from random triggers, and being understood by others is a rarity. Since
Anti-depressants aid in the stability of neurotransmitters in the brain; they solve the sluggish feeling and change the way one thinks, eliminating depressing and suicidal thoughts. Even though this sounds like a victory for the person suffering from depression, the results are often temporary. When I was taking Prozac, the first couple of days were blissful; I was vibrant and radiating bliss. However as time progressed, I became depressed again and my symptoms escalated. Taking Prozac was temporarily effective but I did not like feeling my thoughts change when I took Prozac, like literally feeling my thoughts change from morbidity to bliss. It is a frightening experience, not knowing if thoughts are really yours or if they are simply produced by medication. When I stopped taking Prozac, I did not know how long it would take for it all to be out of my system. This quotation from Ralph Ellison’s novel, Invisible Man, best illustrates my rational after ending the use of Prozac: “When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.” I had to find myself again, even though ‘myself’ included dysthymia and being misunderstood, but I was okay with that as long as I could think for