September 19, 2010
Grand Canyon University
Now I Remember
I never had a place I could call home. I bounce from house to house, whichever house would let me stay, whichever house had the least drama at that time. I never knew what a stable and happy family looks like. Most of family is drug addicts so it was never a stable environment. Until one day I met John. He’s tall, handsome and has a very positive sprit to be around. Every conversation we had it was always inspirational. He was always telling me to look at the better things in life that I do have and go from there, to not dwell on the past but look forward to the future. This is about him and how he helped me see life from a different perspective.
We met the summer of 2008. We actually lived across the street from each other but never pay attention enough to say hi. This was the year we both graduated high school and what made us actually say “hi” was that his cousin and I were in the same class and I seen him walking to the house across from mine. I said “hey you’re in my English class I didn’t know you lived here,” he replied “I don’t this is my cousins house I live in the apartments behind your house.” After that he brought his cousins outside to play football. As I sat there and watched their family laugh and play together I was just a little shocked to see how close and happy they are. The little girls playing with their big brother John and jumping on him it was just very different to see that bond.
I started going over there house when from when I woke up to when I went to sleep. The more I hung around them the more I wanted what they had. They sit down and watch movies together, laugh and eat together. They were huge on the big family get together and having a good time. My family we have our own television in our rooms. We eat and watch television by ourselves. Majority of the time were all watching the same thing and I have no idea why we stayed in our rooms to watch it instead of all going in the living room and sitting down for dinner. I think it was because there’s way to much tension in the house. We wouldn’t know if our mother was misusing her medication and come out not being able to focus, walk or talk. We didn’t know if she was just going to start yelling at everyone then crying the very next second. We never knew what would happen with her. We were all scared to see anything so we hid in the room. Whenever we came out the room something always happens. My little sisters liked to sneak out the house and whenever they came back home my mom would be waiting for them. All you would here is yelling the whole night and would wake up to a dirty house with glass broken or a hole in the wall. It was really embarrassing when the cops or ambulance would come to our house because John and his family would be right across the street looking out the window when all this is happening. I just lay there and when it’s all over I drift off to sleep.
Every morning I would have to clean up my mother’s house. None of my sisters or my little brother would ever help. As soon as they see me cleaning they all run in the rooms. I wouldn’t just clean either. I would get the all the cleaning sprays and super clean the house almost every day. I would dust and valium and as soon as I was finished everyone would come out there rooms and go in the living room at kitchen and would make a mess. My mother was always yelling at me even though I was the only one in that house that would clean or cook. I don’t know why she did this when I was the only one in the whole house who never picked an argument with her. I never disrespected her; I never fought or yelled back at her, I was always the one to stick up for her. When the kids will yell at her she would call my name to tell them to leave her alone. I’m not the type to yell, I hate yelling it gets my blood really hot and I can’t calm down. It’s just an ugly horrible feeling that I hate to...
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