Monologue From Mean Girls Home
HOWZAT!
[Setting takes place in Jane’s living room.]
JANE: Hey darling? Are you going to watch Australia vs England on Friday?
MATT: The Ashes? ‘Course luv! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!
JANE: Great! I’ve got us all a ticket.
MATT: All?
JANE: Why, yes! Daddy will be joining us. He is just as big a fan as you are.
MATT: [cringingly] Your dad?
JANE: [ignores and continues on] Darling, haven’t I ever told you Daddy used to play for England? He was the best of his time.
MATT: [mutters under his breath] You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me! [to her] Nah, luv! Haven’t cha heard of Benny the Batter? Greatest batting average of all time! There’s no way your dad can be better than him.
JANE: Of course he’s better. He may be too old now, but he was the fastest …show more content…
MATT: Basil, mate tell me just one thing: Can you even bowl? Yes or no?
BASIL: Well what if i can’t? I’ll still the best bowler that ever lived.
MATT: Oh, but isn’t my Benny, better? Really?
BASIL: Don’t get yourself so fraught up, son. Of course, your player has his good points - thoroughbred aussie, firm on his feet, well sprung ribs, and so forth. But my dear fellow, you’ve got to admit he has two defects; he’s old and he’s a bit of a short ass.
MATT: A short ass?! Oh, my heart! Let’s look at the facts! In the Ashes of ‘96, Benny hit ten straight sixers, making England run in circles.
BASIL: That’s a lie! Look, I’m going to lose my temper… [controlling himself] my dear boy, let’s stop arguing, and settle this like men. I’ll prove to you that I’m better. Come outside. [brings out a cricket ball and bat] Ok! Now stand over there and get ready to hit the ball.[passes him a bat]
MATT: Okay old man.[in a teasing manner] Do you want me to give you a couple of hours to warm up those rusty swingers of yours?
BASIL: Oh, I wouldn’t want to keep you waiting.
JANE: Be careful darling!
BASIL: Ready?
MATT: I was born
[Setting takes place in Jane’s living room.]
JANE: Hey darling? Are you going to watch Australia vs England on Friday?
MATT: The Ashes? ‘Course luv! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!
JANE: Great! I’ve got us all a ticket.
MATT: All?
JANE: Why, yes! Daddy will be joining us. He is just as big a fan as you are.
MATT: [cringingly] Your dad?
JANE: [ignores and continues on] Darling, haven’t I ever told you Daddy used to play for England? He was the best of his time.
MATT: [mutters under his breath] You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me! [to her] Nah, luv! Haven’t cha heard of Benny the Batter? Greatest batting average of all time! There’s no way your dad can be better than him.
JANE: Of course he’s better. He may be too old now, but he was the fastest …show more content…
MATT: Basil, mate tell me just one thing: Can you even bowl? Yes or no?
BASIL: Well what if i can’t? I’ll still the best bowler that ever lived.
MATT: Oh, but isn’t my Benny, better? Really?
BASIL: Don’t get yourself so fraught up, son. Of course, your player has his good points - thoroughbred aussie, firm on his feet, well sprung ribs, and so forth. But my dear fellow, you’ve got to admit he has two defects; he’s old and he’s a bit of a short ass.
MATT: A short ass?! Oh, my heart! Let’s look at the facts! In the Ashes of ‘96, Benny hit ten straight sixers, making England run in circles.
BASIL: That’s a lie! Look, I’m going to lose my temper… [controlling himself] my dear boy, let’s stop arguing, and settle this like men. I’ll prove to you that I’m better. Come outside. [brings out a cricket ball and bat] Ok! Now stand over there and get ready to hit the ball.[passes him a bat]
MATT: Okay old man.[in a teasing manner] Do you want me to give you a couple of hours to warm up those rusty swingers of yours?
BASIL: Oh, I wouldn’t want to keep you waiting.
JANE: Be careful darling!
BASIL: Ready?
MATT: I was born