John has being haunted by his secrets since childhood, So it’s no wonder that secrets have inevitably become a part of him while he manages to gain new ones. John wade has kept many of his actions and emotions secret from everybody thought out his entire life. This secrets have constantly kept him on the edge of insanity, caused relationship problems and cost him his dream. Secrets are so vital to John’s nature that even his hobby consist of secrets and deceit. While in college, John would stalk Kathy and get great satisfaction from it while she knew about it. “Kathy dumped on the onions. She seemed nervous, as if she were aware of Certain truths but could not bear to know what she knew, which was in the Nature of their love.” (O’Brien 74)
John and Kathy’s love was based on secrecy. Communication was discoursed by both of them when ever the other tried to come clean, as to suggest the truth was too much to handle. Kathy hated politics and seemingly wanted John to lose. She knew about the spying and secretly kept a grudge for making her abort unborn baby. When she tried to confess this to john, John brushed it off and prevented the confession. This speaks of John’s dear of loss. He might have known that what was coming would shake the relationship so he chose to keep living in deceit in hopes that he may never lose Kathy. This fear of loss goes back to the lose of his father. When john’s father died, he was not hurt the way you might expect. It seems almost as if john missed the concept of having a father figure rather then his actual father. This becomes clearer when it seems like john remembers an idolized, generic version of his father unlike the real one. John’s most traumatic experience is by far the Vietnam war. While others are aware of the harsh realities of war, each soldier has his own personal demons attach to the war effort. The murder of weatherby was one of john’s darkest secrets. Even thought his death was and accident, john couldn’t help...
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