isearch

Young Relationships
THE STORY OF MY SEARCH
Young relationships start everyday - some short term and some long lasting. I chose the topic of young relationships because I, myself, am in one. I am now sixteen years old and have been in this relationship for two and a half years. When this relationship started, I was in the last two months of my eighth grade year and he was in that of his junior year. We are three and a half years apart in age, but our age difference was never really a problem for our relationship. My parents thought he was good for me in the fact that before I was with him, I started to take a wrong path and he turned me around and pointed me in the right direction again. His parents like me as well, being that I have never been seen to anyone as the “average” fourteen year-old. I had always been seen to others and myself as more mature than other kids my age so it made our relationship and age difference easier. We continued our relationship into my freshman and his senior year. Towards the end of that year, things got a little rough, and we decided to take a break. That was the best thing that we could have done for our relationship in my opinion. When we got back together about two months later, it brought us closer together and our relationship has since become better than ever. He is currently in college, almost graduated, and I will graduate from high school in June. My main question on the topic of young relationships is ‘what are the effects of starting a serious relationship at a young age.’ I want to know more about this because for only being sixteen and having so much time and effort dedicated to this relationship, I want to know what the chances and effects are of staying in it and pursuing a long term future with him in this relationship. As in any relationship, ‘the future’ plays a huge role. At some point, it will become a big part of everyday conversations and everyday life. In a younger relationship, that ‘future’ shouldn’t come as soon but at the same time, ironically, it comes faster. In my situation, being a senior in high school, my future is coming at me very fast. Being in a serious relationship on top of everything is going to have a big impact on my future. With all of this, as a secondary question, I want to know if being in such a serious relationship at such a young age means that everything I want in life, like being married, and starting a family, is going to come sooner rather than later. In the same aspect of future, marriage is a big deal in the future of a serious relationship. Getting married is definitely something that I see happening in my future. So, as another secondary question under my topic, I wanted to know what an ideal age is for me to get married and what the chances are of being able to get married and successfully attain a happy marriage at a younger age. Being able to go to school, have a good and reliable career, and be financially stable in order to make a living for myself and for my future family are things that are very important to me. In order to reach all of these goals, I know that there are a lot of steps, big and small, that I am going to have to take. So, with that, I want to know how being in this young relationship can impact my educational goals and then ultimately my career and financial goals. I know that it is possible that this relationship could impact these goals that I have and I also know that these impacts may not always be positive but could also be negative. If it comes to be that being in this young relationship could potentially have a negative impact on all of my goals, I would also like to know what I have to do now, and later, to still keep on track with my goals and not let this relationship get in the way. Although, I love this relationship, I also need to make sure that I could support myself if need be and I need to be able to do things for myself. I know too many people that have given up on their dreams because they felt comfortable with the person they were with and felt supported. Having my dreams get thrown away is not want I want for myself or for my future. Therefore, I need to make sure for myself, in relation to my own goals, that I will have a successful future no matter what before I make any life-changing decisions based on the relationship that I am in now at sixteen years-old.
THE RESULTS OF MY SEARCH
When I started my research I had a lot of negative thoughts in my head about everything that I was going to find. I was afraid that I would have to give this relationship up and not pursue anything until I knew one-hundred percent that I had a successful future. I dug very deep into my research and actually found a lot of surprising and unexpected results.
The first part of my research was immediate future. I was curious as to whether starting a serious relationship at a young age would still result in such a fast moving future. Most often, people ages twenty-one and over will start a serious relationship and within two years they will be engaged, within four years they will be married, and within five years they will be starting a family. But what about those who are still “kids” when they begin a serious relationship? I found that people who begin and stay in a serious relationship under the age of eighteen will be married by the time they are twenty. I also found that in these young marriages, and most others, the first child will be born within the first two years of marriage and most will be on a second child before the first one is two. These statistics prove that yes, being in a young and serious relationship will result in a faster-pushed-forward future.
With immediate future, the next part of my research is knowing what the chances are of getting married and attaining a happy marriage at a younger age. I found that the younger couples who get married have higher expectations when it comes to marriage. Most young people think that their marriage will last a lifetime and that marriage will make a bad relationship good. These high expectations are the cause of so many young marriages ending in divorce. However, in the time that these couples are married studies show that they have happier marriages (Huffington Post). This is because, in the beginning of any young and serious relationship, those expectations are not very high because they do not have to be. When you are young, you do not have a “real” set standard. Your expectations are for your significant other to only make you happy. As more things like marriage and children come into the picture the longer your relationship lasts, the higher your expectations get. Sadly, most people do not notice how high their expectations are until after getting married and having children and that puts more stress on the situation and thus, the divorce. But either way in the beginning, less expectations make you happier and you have the least and the lowest expectations when you are younger. When it comes to attaining this happy marriage, it has a lot to do with those expectations and communication. Studies show that younger couples who go to therapy and assess their problems earlier have a higher rate of being together throughout their lifetime. The problem in most young marriages is not only the expectations but is also the complication of inexperience. Not only are these couples dealing with their own expectations and also their spouses expectations, they also have to deal with the fact that they are not always sure how exactly to bring themselves high on their spouse’s expectations chart because nine out of ten times, this is their first serious relationship and they never had to before. This is where therapy comes in and can truly turn a relationship around if used in the right way. Statistics show that seventy-five percent of young couples that go to therapy as soon as they start becoming unhappy and unhealthy, are still married ten years after their first session. The younger couples that get married and let their problems get to them and do nothing about it have a higher divorce rate. This information proves that the chances of getting married young are just as high as getting married older. However, the difference is that it is harder to attain a happy marriage when you are younger but it is possible if that young couple chooses to put forth the effort and love in order to make it work.
The next part of my research still relates to immediate future but deals with the ‘when’. I am curious as to what the most ideal age is to get married and to start a family. I found that the most marriages last when the couple gets married between the ages of twenty-four and twenty-nine. This is the ideal age to get married because this is the age in which most have been in relationships before and most have figured out what they want in their life. This is also true because most people between these ages have achieved some sort of college education and most likely have a job in their career field and have a reliable future and that is very attractive to the people you want to attract. I found that people who get married later in life have a more successful future and make more money in their lifetime (WiseGEEK). When it comes to starting a family, the most ideal age to have your first child is between the ages of twenty-five and twenty-eight. At this time in life, you have time to experience fun and even get married and be happy. This is not too early but its also not too late. Statistics show that sixty-eight percent of women that have not had children by the age of thirty-three, never will (). In knowing this, it is safe to say that there a right time in life to get married and start a family.
When it comes to a young relationships having an impact on my education, career, and eventual finances, I got unexpected answers. I found that an age difference of the couple plays a huge role on their future. When one person in the relationship is older, this means that they can attain their educational goals at a different time than the other and leads to both of them successfully getting a college education and thus being able to make a career for themselves.
When putting all of this information together, when you read between the lines of this research you unveil plenty of advice on what you have to do in order to keep a relationship and have a future when it comes to that relationship but also advice on how to do all of that AND achieve all of your dreams and goals. When it comes to keeping a healthy and happy relationship, it is obvious that expectations get in the way. In order to get past them, Both partners need to keep in mind the wants and needs of the other and try their hardest to keep them happy while at the same time keeping themselves happy. Once married, keeping the last piece of advice in mind, therapy is a good option to take IF you start to have problems that you think might be too much for your marriage to handle. Once you start a family, you have to know it is not just about you and your partner anymore. It is about something much more precious. However, that does not mean you have to stop thinking about yourself and the other - it is still just as important (J. Batzel). Most and best of all, just know that overall, everything you do now will have an impact on your future. It is okay to make mistakes but you have to know when to learn from them. “Do what you want and love what you do, make it worth something or not at all, because one day it could be everything to you and your future or it could mean nothing - it is up to you which one it becomes.”
In attaining all of this information, my negative thoughts were definitely put to rest. A positive outlook on my future when it comes to my relationship and my future have been upbrought.
REFLECTIONS ON MY SEARCH Since starting my research, my thoughts on this relationship and my future are now totally turned around. When I think about my future and it being put in fast-forward, I am not scared like I was before because now I know what I have to do to keep my relationship healthy and happy. I knew already that no matter what my education had to come first and now that I know my relationship should not have an effect, I am less worried about it getting in the way. In relation to getting married, I would like to do so once I am settled, done with school, and once I have a reliable job in the exact field that I want. Once I have all of these and once I am married, I would like to start a family. All in all, nothing has changed except the fact that now, I have no doubts about my relationship and its effects on my future and my goals and dreams. I know now that I will always have to work at attaining my relationship in order for it to become what I want it to be but no matter what, I know what I have to do for myself. I may want my relationship to work out and I may have all of these goals and dreams, but now I know that I will never achieve any of this if I do not always and no matter what put myself first.