Gumbo Analysis

A teenage boy and his friends known as the Gumbo’s lads plan to break into a factory, but it almost costs him his life.

BRIEF SYNOPSIS:

GLENN (15) hangs out with his friends TYRONE and CARRICK. They plan to meet up later at a party. Glenn walks his younger brother OLLY home. Olly wants to be a footballer and fireman when he grows up. Glenn wants to be a mechanic.

Later, Carrick tells Glenn that Gumbo has a boy working security, who will keep the window to the factory unlocked. Keith, Milo, and Tyrone are part of the crew.

Outside the chip shop, the crew meets up. They join a party. Carrick and Glenn make a bet that they can “get with” one of the girls. Carrick and Glenn lose when Keith, Tyrone, and Milo sit with the girls, kissing them.
His father tells Glenn they are moving. He doesn’t want Glenn hanging out with his friends.

His father loves him. He knows he doesn’t say it enough to Glenn, but he’s determined not to have his son end up like the others.

WHAT WORKS / WHAT DOESN'T / SUGGESTIONS

GUMBO’S BOYS is a short, dramatic story that is driven by the theme of life choices. It focuses on how one makes a choice or decision that can change one’s life forever. It also explores the influence that peers can have on each other and the fear a parent has for their child leading them to make life choices to protect one’s family. The themes and messages are strong.

As much as the message is appreciated, the script would benefit from more development. The areas to review include the structure, tension, and dialogue.

One concern about the presentation is that it doesn’t feel entirely goal-focused. The opening establishes the friendship between Glenn and the other teens, but it’s not an opening that feels very exciting.
It doesn’t have a strong hook or grab one’s interest. It’s really pivotal to open a script with a stronger scene. Find a way to engage the audience more
letting Glenn arc as a character. To give Glenn a stronger character transformation, Glenn should be the character at the end that makes the decision regarding what life he wants to lead or what path he wants to take.

Continue to work on character development. The idea that Glenn walks his younger brother, Olly, home and has a dream about becoming a mechanic makes Glenn feel relatable. But as already mentioned, to give him more depth, show him a bit more resistant to the idea of the break-in. The audience, right now, doesn’t fully root for Glenn, because of his lack of struggle with his choices.

Glenn’s friendship with the other boys feels authentic. They sound and act like inner city teenage boys. However, there’s really no antagonist. In other words, there’s no character that plays the foe or heavy that puts pressure on Glenn. It’s only near the end that Trevor seems to be a little difficult about the crew being so