From Evelyn Waugh: Cruise
(Letters from a young lady of leisure)
S.S. Glory of Greece
Well, I said I would write and so I would, if I only had goodness, but it was rough, so I didn’t. Now everything is a bit more all right, so now I will write you. Well, as you know the cruise started at Monte Carlo, and when papa and all of us went to Victoria we found out that the tickets didn’t include the journey, so Goodness how furious he was, and he said he wouldn’t go. But Mum said: “Of course we must go!”, and we said too. Only papa had changed all of his money into Liri or Franks on account of foreigners, who were so dishonest. But he kept a shilling for the porter at Dover for being methodical, but then he had to change it back again. That set him wrong all the way to Monte Carlo, and he wouldn’t get me and Bertie a sleeper, and he wouldn’t sleep himself, because he was so angry. Goodness, how Sad.
Then everything was much more all right. The purser called him Colonel, and he likes his cabin, so he took Bertie to the casino. He lost and Bertie won, and I think Bertie got a bit plastered. At least he made a noise going to bed. He’s in the next cabin as if he were being sick, and that happened before we sailed. Bertie has got some books on Baroque art on account of his being at Oxford.
Well the first day it was rough and I got up. I felt odd in the bath and the soap wouldn’t work on account of salt water, you see. I came into breakfast and there was a list of so many things, including steak and onions. There was a corking young man, who said: “We are the only ones down, may I sit here?”. It went beautifully and he had steak and onions. But it was no good, because I had to go back to bed, just when he was saying, there was nothing he admired so much about a girl as her being a good sailor. Goodness, how sad.
The thing is not to have a bath, and to be very slow in all movements. So next day it was Naples, and we saw some Bertie churches, and then...
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