The thesis is clear and in the beginning of the introduction. The reader can see what is the essay about and what is the point the author is going to develop in the main body os the essay.
The conclusion is not a mere summary of the essay, it refers back to the thesis statement. It does not adds new information but make the arguments prior given more strength.
Even thought is a draft, there is some ideas that if are develop, would make a more strong essay. In the first paragraph, the essay implies: ‘he cannot ever feel as manly again without