When Holden gets older, he cannot seem to snap out of such a subconscious focus on Allie. Depressingly, Holden has often said, “What I really felt like, though, was committing suicide. I felt like jumping out the window” (117). From this, he means he wants to stop transitioning into adulthood by giving up all together. Holden views this as a good outcome because he thinks no one could fault him for being a phony if he never lived long enough to become one. He also uses words like “that kills me” which can go so far to say that he wants to join Allie in death. Likewise, Holden often used self-degrading words towards himself which is also a symptom of depression. Interestingly, Holden seems to have a focus on Allie or Phoebe even when he faces more adult scenarios such as alcohol and potential sex encounters. From the moment Allie dies, Holden is stuck in a state of focusing on the purity in things which is why people like Jane and Allie seem so nice. Holden also has trouble growing up because he has no male role models in his life due to his lack of a father-son relationship. At the time, it was normal for more wealthy families to send off their boys to some prep school. From there, he never fully connected with any teacher or any older boy of whom he could shadow the healthy behaviors. Perhaps his father sent him away because he did not want to bond to …show more content…
Just like the lake in a midway transition, Holden is between childhood and adulthood, and cannot seem to let go of his younger years. This is regularly proven when something goes wrong and he does something more adult in Holden's mind view such as repaying the prostitute. After the events, he often thinks he deserved it or just wanted to end it all. It can be regularly seen when something does not go the way Holden intended, he will often verbally beat himself up about it which shows Holden does not have very good self-esteem at this age. Interestingly, Holden also mentions "I didn't give much of a damn any more if they caught me. I really didn't. I figured if they caught me, they caught me. I almost wished they did, in a way." This can be interpreted to mean perhaps Holden wanted to transition into adulthood, but the grief of Allie's death was holding him back too much. Although at the end of the book, Holden has a realization about adulthood. During the carousel scene with Pheobe, Holden realizes Instead, of trying to catch kids or his own self from going into adulthood, he should allow them to make their own mistakes. He says, “I was sort of afraid…but I didn’t say or do anything…If they fall off, they fall off, but it’s bad if you say anything to them” (232). Comparatively, it took a while for Holden to come to this realization. Moreover, it also helped