Double Consciousness

Though I’d love to claim I entered Andover’s gym my freshman year as a chiseled, knowledgeable veteran weight-lifter, that would be false. A more truthful storyline would tell the story of a young Ajay eagerly walking into the gym but sadly ending up whispering “help” with a 95- pound barbell on his neck. The whispers, though soft, were somehow enough to garner the attention of the entire football team who just happened to be engaging in their first team work out of the fall. Needless to say, I considered walking out of the gym at that moment and permanently relinquishing my quest for a Schwarzenegger-like body. My embarrassment did not stem from the fact that I could not lift the weight, but that others had seen my failure.
Fortunately, I
The term was coined in 1903 by W.E.B. Du Bois, who described it as “the sense of looking at one’s self through the eyes of others”. Du Bois articulated that double-consciousness perpetuated oppression and did not allow for healthy individualism. As I started to discuss and write about the term, I began to realize that we all experience the effects of taking on double-consciousness in various facets of life. I could finally define what many new lifters, including myself, experienced in the
This notion has stayed with me, though my understanding of the intricacies of responsibility is fluid. As my experiences shape me as a person, my own personal definition of responsibility constantly morphs and expands. Though it may seem unorthodox, my obsession with weightlifting and exposure to Andover’s high school gym culture over the past couple of years has helped me take responsibility and thus become an adult in different facets of my life. Deadlifting 405 pounds led to the realization that I had the power to make the gym an environment conducive to personal growth and not one that fostered constant judgement. The accomplishment also came at a time when I had just been elected as a community engagement leader. Experiencing double-consciousness in the gym helped me differentiate community service from community engagement. While community service requires those who are served to take on a double-consciousness and leads to stratification, community engagement promotes mutualism and is a two-way street. The concept of double-consciousness is key to understanding the underlying politics and power dynamics behind many issues including race, service and taking responsibility as an adult. Without my experiences in the gym, I would not be as equipped to tackle these issues head on. I am addicted to weightlifting: the adrenaline, euphoria and pain all make the experience magical. In a world where I feel that a lot